


The Flower that Blooms in Adversity

by Wheres_my_badger



Category: ONEUS (Band)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, All that stuff, Angst, Bed-Wetting, Dongju centric, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Little!Dongju, M/M, Non-Sexual Age Play, Pacifiers, Princess Dongju, Promise, baby blankets, bottle, cause that's my tag, everyone loves Dongju very much, he deserves all the love, inspired by the fact that dongju is a whole baby boy, just a lil bit of angst tho, sippy cups, that's a brief topic tho, this is v soft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:01:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 68,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21758740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wheres_my_badger/pseuds/Wheres_my_badger
Summary: Dongju never really stopped to think that the need and want to be taken care of he felt could mean something more than what it looked like. But when he's stressed about promotions and Youngjo decides to help him and hopefully make him feel better, Dongju finds out there's a part of himself he never really knew existed.Alternatively: another age regression story by me, because Dongju has too many little behaviors to be ignored.
Relationships: Kim Geonhak | Leedo/Son Dongju | Xion
Comments: 600
Kudos: 810
Collections: stuff i've read





	1. Author Note

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Mulan!!!! Cause Dongju is a princess ^.^

A quick note before the story: this is an age regression story, not an age play story. It is tagged as both because many people don't know the difference and search for age regression stories on the ageplay tag, and I want them to be able to find what they're looking for easily. Bellow there is an explanation of each term!!!!

Age play refers to adults roleplaying as kids, sexual or non-sexual, which falls under dom/sub, a subsection of kink. It's used to explore sexual dynamics, and is a consensual act for adults (not minors!). Age play can be tagged as ddlb, ddlg, mdlb, mdlg (daddy/mommy dom little boy/girl) or just cgl (caregiver/little). While it may not be sexual, it is used to understand the dom/sub undertones and boundaries in a relationship, to reach a mutual understanding of what's okay and what isn't. So it is an act which requires consent from both parties and effective communication, is solely for adults, is not a form of stress relief, not a coping mechanism and not for those under age (aka minors).

Age regression (aka caregiver little regressor/*cglre*) is non sexual coping mechanism/stress relief from anxiety, ptsd, stress etc, by regressing or de-aging to a younger mentality, or 'headspace'. It can be involuntary or voluntary (usually voluntary unless the person has been through trauma and unintentionally regresses to cope). It is for minors (and adults who are not roleplaying), and one does not necessarily have to be in a relationship to have a caregiver/regressor bond. It is an activity which requires trust and gives comfort.

As I said, this is an age regression story! The first chapter in in chapter 2, and I hope you like it ^.^


	2. Chapter 2

From the moment they first met, the boys had noticed Dongju was a childish person. From his habit of biting on people to the fact that he was always chewing on something, plus the way he was always hugging a stuffed toy and needed one to sleep, and how he giggled at the silliest jokes, all of that showed the others just how young the boy was at heart. They had never thought much of it. Dongju was their maknae, and he was cute, so taking care of him and playing with him came easily to the others. Geonhak was always playfully bothering Dongju, but he also always gave Dongju cuddles and kisses and let Dongju sit on his lap whenever the younger wanted. Youngjo always made sure Dongju ate – as much as he could – and always gave him little presents and treats, Hwanwoong was always willing to play with Dongju, and the others just loved to call him cute, pet his hair and take care of him.

No one ever talked about it. It was just how it was: they took care of Dongju and Dongju let them take care of him. And maybe that was the reason it took them so long to realize that there might be something else behind that childish side of Dongju.

The first time any of the boys noticed just how childlike Dongju could be – it was Geonhak – was when they were resting backstage from a music show and the maknae was lying on the floor with Geonhak. They weren’t doing much, just lying there, and Geonhak was bored. He was tired, yes, but lying still and doing nothing was tedious. He turned to lie on his side and spotted Dongju, who was lying next to him, eyes closed, still pouting because someone had taken his stuffed toy from him. He looked cute. Geonhak shifted closer and draped an arm over Dongju.

“Hyung!”

Whined the younger, feeling the sudden weight on him. Geonhak laughed.

“I wanna cuddle.”

He announced, pulling himself closer to the boy. Dongju whined, although there was a smile on his face, and when Geonhak tried to pull himself even closer the boy pushed him away and sat on top of him, hitting him. It didn’t hurt, obviously. Dongju would never hit him hard enough to hurt. At least not purposefully.

“Let me sleep, hyung.”

Complained the maknae as he lay down again. Geonhak promptly ignored him, trying to hug him again. Dongju immediately turned his face and bit Geonhak’s arm, hard.

“Yah!” Complained the older. “That hurts!”

It did hurt a bit, but Geonhak was used to it. More often than not he walked around with teeth marks from Dongju biting him.

“Move, hyung.”

Said the maknae, as well as he could considering he was still biting Geonhak. The older obeyed, not wanting this to go too far.

“You’re so mean.”

He complained. Dongju looked at him with an expression that fell somewhere between a glare and a pout.

“I’m mean? Hwanwoong hyung stole my stuffie and you’re acting like a leech, hyung. And you have the audacity to say I’m mean.”

Geonhak chuckled.

“Yah, Hwanwoong. Give the baby his toy back, he needs it to sleep.”

Dongju whined and kicked Geonhak, who only laughed.

“I hate you, hyung.”

Geonhak winked at him.

A moment later Hwanwoong skipped to them, lifting Dongju’s arm and giving him his plush toy.

“Here, have it.”

He said. Dongju made a happy little noise on the back of his throat and hugged the toy tightly. Geonhak almost melted at the cuteness. But that wouldn’t stop him from teasing Dongju. A moment later he reached forward and pulled the toy from the younger. For a second the boy looked extremely upset. Then he whined.

“Ah, seriously…”

He sat up and pulled the toy back to himself, squishing it in an attempt of retaliation. Geonhak immediately screamed.

“Yah, Keonhee! Look what Dongju is doing!”

Keonhee was by them in a second.

“Yah!”

He said, and then pulled Dongju’s bunny pillow from the boy, to make up for his stuffed toy, which was currently being squished by their maknae. Once again an emotion flashed through Dongju’s eyes for a second. This time it was worry.

“Hyung! If you pull like that you’ll hurt him!”

Geonhak tilted his head. Dongju was now busy fighting with Keonhee, and he didn’t seem to notice what he had said. But Geonhak did. He noticed the way Dongju had called the stuffed toy a ‘stuffie’ and he noticed the way the boy had just said that pulling on the toy might hurt ‘him’. Geonhak had never noticed the boy speaking like that before. He made a mental note to start paying more attention.

And pay more attention Geonhak did. And what he found out was: although some of Dongju’s actions were a normal type of childish – the type of playful behaviour you have when you’re with your close friends having fun –, some of the things he did surpassed the usual level of childishness other people might have. Geonhak noticed how Dongju often whined when he talked, and the way he constantly put stuff he wasn’t supposed to in his mouth. He noticed how Dongju had the habit of holding the member’s hands, and actually only holding their pinky or their thumb. He noticed how attached Dongju was to his plush toys, and even the way the boy sometimes spoke in third person.

It was cute, Geonhak couldn’t deny that. Seeing Dongju whine and pout when Youngjo had to wear a crown and a cape because ‘I want to wear that too’ was cute, and made Geonhak want to buy Dongju a crown of his own so that the boy would be happy. And if anyone noticed how Geonhak started treating Dongju a bit more like a child than he did before they didn’t say anything, so Geonhak figured it was fine.

There were a few times when he considered talking to the others about it, only to see if they had noticed too. He never did. A little voice in his head told him this wasn’t something Dongju would like being discussed, and the last thing Geonhak wanted was to upset the boy. So he never said anything and just left it alone. He continued to pull Dongju to sit on his lap and continued to pinch his cheeks and give him cuddles, and that was that. He figured that was enough for now. They didn’t have to talk about it.

Geonhak never really thought much about Dongju and his childish side after those first few weeks. It became natural to him; he got used to having the younger grab his thumb when he wanted to hold his hand, got used to Dongju sometimes calling himself Ju and speaking in third person. It was just how Dongju was and just how their relationship worked. And maybe that’s why despite being the first one to notice Dongju’s childish side, Geonhak wasn’t the first one to actually understand where it came from. It was Youngjo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked it!!!!!!!!! If anyone wants the video that inspired this specific chapter feel free to ask for it, I'm always ready to send people cute Dongju content
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are much appreciated <33333


	3. Chapter 3

Dongju sighed, lying down on his bed and closing his eyes. Every muscle of his body seemed to be in pain, and god, he was tired. They had left the dorm at eight thirty in the morning, arrived at the company at nine and immediately started practicing. They had only stopped practicing to eat lunch, and had a few breaks in between to use the bathroom and drink some water, but other than that they practiced the whole day long. It was now two in the morning. They had just gotten back.

With another sigh he opened his eyes. He couldn’t fall asleep. He was still in his practice clothes, and although the sweat had already dried, Dongju felt sticky all over, and he knew he didn’t smell the best. Usually he wouldn’t even go near his bed in that state, to be honest, but he was just so tired…

“Yah, Dongju. Go shower, you’re not sleeping in here smelling like the boy’s locker room at the nearest school.”

Dongju opened his eyes to see Hwanwoong staring at him, arms crossed over his chest. He sighed once more and got up. Usually he would have a witty response to that, but his brain had long ago abandoned him, so he just nodded.

“Ok, hyung.”

Hwanwoong frowned.

“Ju? Are you ok?”

Dongju nodded, trying to look a bit less dead. He didn’t want to worry his hyungs. He knew he wasn’t the only one tired; all of them were exhausted from preparing for a new comeback. Dongju refused to be yet another worry on their already long lists.

“I’ll go shower.”

He said. He missed the worried look on Hwanwoong’s eyes.  
He made his way to the bathroom on autopilot. Seoho was inside, brushing his teeth. Dongju only hesitated for a second before undressing and getting into the shower. It wasn’t like they hadn’t seen each other naked before; with six guys living in a house that only had one bathroom it was impossible to avoid this type of thing. Dongju usually preferred to wait longer and shower with privacy, but today he was just too tired to care. Seoho probably noticed the change in habit, because he stopped brushing his teeth to look at Dongju.

“Are you ok, Ju?”

He asked, trying not to let toothpaste dribble down his chin. It was somewhat comical, but Dongju was too tired to laugh.

“Yeah, just tired.”

Seoho nodded and went back to brushing his teeth, leaving Dongju to shower in peace.

Dongju didn’t take long. He was exhausted and he just wanted to lie down and sleep. Basic tasks such as washing his hair and then drying it and getting dressed were getting harder by the second, and he felt as if he had been run over by a truck. Once he was done he dragged himself to bed and let himself fall, hugging his bear to his chest and hiding his face against it. A few seconds later he was asleep.

The fact that Dongju woke up feeling just as tired as he was when he went to bed the night prior said something about how exhausted he was. He sighed, turning off his alarm and closing his eyes again. Just for a second…

He woke up again to someone calling his name softly. Opening his eyes was hard, and getting them to focus was even harder, but when he managed he was greeted by Youngjo’s worried face.

“Ju? Are you feeling alright? You’re not sick, are you?”

Dongju felt his stomach drop. He had fallen asleep again, and now Youngjo was worried about him. Great job, Dongju.

“I’m fine, hyung.”

He replied, and maybe the amount of times he had said that in the last 24 hours was a bit worrying. Then he noticed he had fallen asleep without his dental guard, and now his jaw hurt like hell. He felt his eyes watering, but refused to let the tears fall.

“Where’s your dental guard?” Asked Youngjo, as if he could read Dongju’s mind. “You know you can’t sleep without it, Ju.”

Dongju sat up and looked down.

“Sorry, hyung. I forgot. I’ll go change, now.”

He walked past Youngjo and didn’t look at the boy’s face. He was too scared to, because he knew one look might be enough to break him, to make him vulnerable, and then he wouldn’t be able to hold back, and that couldn’t happen.

He entered the bathroom without greeting any of the other boys and then finally checked the time. He only had ten minutes to get ready. With tears still threatening to make him break down, Dongju rushed to wash his face and comb his hair, trying his best to look presentable, and then he put on his clothes, brushed his teeth and exited the bathroom, knowing he wouldn’t have time to eat.

“Guys, come on, we should go.”

Called Youngjo. Everyone grabbed their stuff and headed out. Dongju followed them, ignoring the grumbling in his stomach. He also ignored the little voice in his head asking him to please let someone take care of him.

Dongju’s condition continued to get worse. Everyday they woke up too early, practiced too hard, went home too late, slept too little. It was overwhelming, and – even though Dongju would never admit it – the fact that Geonhak had stopped taking care of him and guiding him was making things harder than usual. He knew it was because the boy didn’t have time. He barely had time to take care of himself, let alone to take care of Dongju.

The maknae also knew underlying that was that nagging little voice in his head telling him he had to work ten times harder than the others, because he had joined so much later and was so behind in terms of skill. He believed the voice. It was clearly visible how much more skilled the other boys were, and Dongju hated the fact that he held them back so much.  
Of course, if he had been in his right state of mind he would have noticed that all this worrying and pushing himself harder – practicing even when the others were taking a short break, for example – was doing nothing but making things worse. But he wasn’t in his right state of mind. He kept pushing himself, and each day that passed made him weaker and more tired, and as much as he tried to hide, he couldn’t; even if he didn’t notice and tried his best not to worry everyone, the others were quickly noticing something was wrong. Not seeing that was Dongju’s mistake.

Youngjo frowned as he noticed how little food Dongju had put on his plate. He had been keeping an eye on the boy recently, because it had been a week since he last saw their maknae smile, and while they were all tired from preparing for their comeback, Dongju was clearly taking it much worse than everyone else. The boy had dark circles under his eyes and he hadn’t been eating properly; he looked like he might break at any second, like he was about to start crying at any point. And Youngjo was worried. He wasn’t the only one, obviously. He could see the others looking at Dongju, could see how they wanted to just pick him up and take care of him. But, just like him, they were scared of crossing any lines. Dongju wasn’t a kid. He could take care of himself.

Except things were getting too far. They all ate in relative silence and Youngjo kept an eye on Dongju, and as everyone finished eating, Dongju still had most of his food in his plate. Youngjo was pretty sure the boy had fallen asleep at some point, too. Youngjo bit on his lip. He nudged Seoho.

“You and the boys go rest, I need to talk to Ju.” Seoho smiled at that, and Youngjo could tell the boy was relieved someone was going to do something about the situation.  
One by one the other boys were told about Youngjo’s request, and then they slowly started getting up. Youngjo took note of how it took Dongju a few moments to notice the movement, and how once he did he seemed to panic a bit. Then Dongju made a move to get up and Youngjo held his hand.

“Ju, wait. You’re not done eating yet.”

He said. Dongju’s eyes met his, and Youngjo’s heart broke at how panicked the boy looked. This wasn’t the Dongju they knew. He needed to get to the bottom of this.

“I’m, it’s…”

The others left the room quickly and Youngjo squeezed Dongju’s hand.

“Hyung will stay with you, Ju. Come on, you have to eat.”

He let go of Dongju’s hand. Dongju looked at his plate, then at Youngjo. Then he pouted.

“I don’t want to eat, hyung.”

He whined. Youngjo frowned.

“You have to. You’ve already put so little food on your plate, you have to at least eat that.”

Dongju shook his head.

“I don’t want to.”

He repeated, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Ju, you have to. Come on, is it because you don’t like the food?”

Dongju shook his head quickly, and Youngjo noticed his eyes were watering.

“I just…” the boy sighed and made an attempt to grab the chopsticks, but they looked wobbly on his hand as he reached for the food. Before he picked anything up he sighed and put the chopsticks down. “I just don’t want to eat, hyung.”

He said in the saddest voice Youngjo had ever heard. For a moment the oldest didn’t know what to do. He looked at Dongju, feeling helpless, and then an idea came to him. Maybe…  
He scooted closer to Dongju and picked up the boy’s chopsticks. Then he picked some food up.

“Ju, come on. Hyung will help you, open your mouth.”

He said, making an ‘ah’ sound and opening his own mouth. He felt a bit ridiculous. Dongju was nineteen; he definitely didn’t need anyone doing an action for him to mimic it. Except Dongju looked at him for a long second, and then opened his mouth. Youngjo almost squealed in excitement, because he had been half sure his idea wouldn’t work. He put the food on the boy’s mouth

“Very good, Ju. It’s yummy, isn’t it?” Dongju whined, but ended up nodding. His eyes were almost closing. “Come on, Ju, don’t fall asleep now.”

The boy made a clear effort to keep his eyes open. Once he was done chewing and swallowed his food, Youngjo gave him some more. And just like that Dongju was done eating ten minutes later.

“See? You ate everything.”

Said Youngjo, praising the younger. Dongju looked at his empty plate in awe. Then he pouted.

“Wanna sleep.”

He said. Youngjo nodded, getting up and offering a hand, which Dongju took.

“Let’s go brush those teeth and then you can go to bed, ok?”

Dongju whined again.

“No, wanna sleep now, hyung.”

He complained. Instead of arguing, Youngjo hummed as he pulled the boy to the bathroom.

“Ok, then we’ll get you in bed. Come on, open your mouth real quick.” Dongju obeyed and Youngjo let the boy lean against him as he did his best to brush Dongju’s teeth. It wasn’t that easy, especially considering the younger was falling asleep against him, but Youngjo did his best. One night without brushing his teeth properly wouldn’t kill Dongju. He helped Dongju wash his mouth. “See? It was quick.”

Dongju just leaned more against him.

“Bed?”

He asked. Youngjo straightened up and pulled the boy out of the bathroom by the hand. He headed to his own room, leaving Dongju on his own for a moment to grab a pair of sweatpants and one of his shirts. He helped Dongju undress and then helped him get dressed in the new clothes. Once that was done, he took a look at the younger. Youngjo’s clothes were too big for him, because although they were the same height, Dongju was thinner and much less muscular. He looked cute.

“Come on, Ju, let’s get you in bed.”

Dongju extended his hand and Youngjo took it, leading the boy to his room.

Hwanwoong and Keonhee were already asleep, but Geonhak and Seoho weren’t. Both boys raised an eyebrow as Youngjo pulled Dongju into the room and looked around.

“Hyung?”

Asked Seoho, probably noticing Youngjo looked a bit lost. The oldest bit on his lip.

“I’m not sure I can get him on his bed.”

He said. Dongju slept on the top bunk, Youngjo was pretty sure it would be impossible to get the boy up there in their current situation. Geonhak got up.

“I’ll sleep on his bed tonight.”

He offered. Youngjo gave him a thankful smile and helped Dongju lie down on Geonhak’s bed.

“Thanks, Hak.”

He said. Geonhak nodded. Youngjo then pulled the covers over Dongju and headed to the boy’s drawer, picking up Dongju’s dental guard and helping the boy with it before kissing Dongju’s forehead.

“Sleep well, Ju.”

He said, but Dongju was already asleep. Youngjo pushed the boy’s bangs out of his face and sighed. This half hour with Dongju had left him with much to think about.

“Did he eat, hyung?”

Youngjo jumped startled as Seoho’s voice rang through the room. He turned to the boy.

“He did.”

Seoho tilted his head.

“What did you do?”

Youngjo bit on his lip, considering whether or not to tell them. He had a feeling whatever side of Dongju he had seen wasn’t something the younger wanted exposed, but on the other hand, Seoho and Geonhak had already seen it, so…

“I just helped him eat.”

He said, shrugging. Geonhak tilted his head.

“Helped him? How do you even help someone eat?”

Youngjo gestured with his hands, still struggling to know if he should tell them or not.

“Just, you know… fed him and stuff.”

Geonhak and Seoho seemed confused.

“You… Ju let you feed him?”

Youngjo shrugged again.

“He was tired.”

He justified, not quite sure why he was getting defensive about this. Seoho sighed at that, not seeming to pick up the defensive tone on Youngjo’s voice.

“He does look really tired lately… I wish he would trust us more and tell us what’s bothering him.”

Geonhak sighed.

“You know Ju sometimes worries too much about slowing us down and that kind of stuff. He’s probably stressing over that.”

He said. It was true; they all knew Dongju felt like a weight to the team due to his shorter training period and the fact that he had hurt his knee during their reality and couldn’t dance for a while. Hell, the boy had talked about it countless times, about how he ‘needed to step it up to make his hyungs proud’. Seoho huffed.

“He shouldn’t. He should know he’s doing more than enough and that what really matters to us is that he’s happy and healthy. He doesn’t seem like he’s either, lately.”

Youngjo sighed.

“You know it’s not that easy, Seoho. This goes deeper than his conscious mind. But anyways, all we can do for now is make sure he’s at least eating and sleeping properly. So let’s turn off these lights and go to bed, ok?”

The other two nodded. Seoho buried himself under his covers mumbling a goodnight and Geonhak walked with Youngjo to the door of the room.

“He’ll be fine, won’t he, hyung?”

He asked, and Youngjo could see how worried the boy was. He smiled trying to seem as reassuring as possible.

“He will, don’t worry. I’ll take care of him.”

Geonhak turned off the lights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like it!! Comments and kudos are always v loved and appreciated!!!


	4. Chapter 4

Dongju woke up feeling extremely confused. He was on a bed, that much he could tell. What he didn’t remember was when and how he had gotten to the bed, or anything that happened before that. Also, why was he on the bottom bunk? Whose bed was this? He raked his brain, trying to sort out the few glimpses of memory that were swimming on his mind. Everything was a bit blurry, as if it had happened years ago. And then something clicked, and suddenly Dongju could remember, clear as day, Youngjo sitting by his side and feeding him. He felt his cheeks reddening. Fuck. Had he really let Youngjo feed him? Oh god, he would never be able to face the older again.

Dongju pressed his hands to his face, as if the pressure would erase the memories that were now becoming clearer as his mind started properly waking up. He remembered Youngjo practically carrying him to the bathroom and helping him brush his teeth, remembered the older… so that was what that comforting smell was. Dongju was in Youngjo’s clothes, and they smelled like the older. Dongju groaned, wanting to punch something. Not only had he completely embarrassed himself by acting like a baby, but he had also probably worried his hyungs, and that was the last thing he wanted.

And then Dongju noticed the room was too silent. He sat up in a second, looking around. The room was completely empty. He quickly shoved his sheets away, trying to get up, only to get his feet stuck and fall to the ground. He vaguely noticed he had been sleeping in Geonhak’s bed, but that thought was overshadowed by the pain on his wrist. He cried out, holding his hand close to his chest, eyes watering.

“Fuck.”

He muttered, closing his eyes tightly. His wrist wasn’t broken, which was good. The pain would probably subside soon. But it just added one more frustration to Dongju’s quickly growing list, and…

“Ju? Are you ok? I heard something… why are you on the floor?”

Dongju looked up and his eyes met Youngjo’s. He immediately looked down again.

“I’m ok, hyung. Just fell.” He said. “What time is it?”

Dongju was proud of how strong his voice came out.

“It’s almost nine. We asked manager to let us arrive at nine thirty today.”

Dongju nodded.

“Ok. I’ll get ready, then.”

He said, getting up. It was hard; Dongju was more well-rested than he remembered being for the past weeks, but he was still extremely tired. Besides, now there was a little voice in his head telling him to let Youngjo to take care of him, like he had done the night before. Dongju completely ignored the little voice.

“Ju, I…”

Dongju interrupted the older. He was too embarrassed to even face Youngjo, imagine having a conversation with him.

“I’ll be quick, hyung, promise.”

And saying that he left the room.

Youngjo sighed as Dongju once again came up with an excuse to leave the room during one of their short breaks. The younger had been doing it since the morning, clearly avoiding Youngjo, and the oldest was starting to notice he might have to be a bit more forceful if he wanted to talk to the maknae.

His opportunity came when they were given half an hour to eat their lunch. The instructor told them they could go, told them at what time he expected them back and left the room. The others immediately let themselves fall to the ground, Dongju included. Youngjo saw that as his chance.

“You guys go eat, I need to talk to Ju.”

He said, already moving closer to the maknae. Dongju shot up, eyes wide, but Youngjo knew there was no way the boy could come up with an excuse without the others finding it suspicious, now. He smiled at Dongju, hoping to ease whatever worry the boy had. Dongju’s cheeks reddened and he looked down.

“Don’t take long, hyung, you and Ju have to eat too.”

Said Hwanwoong, getting up. Youngjo nodded, and the others slowly left the room. Youngjo crouched down next to Dongju.

“So. Wanna tell me why is it that you’re avoiding me?”

He asked. Straight to the point was probably the way to go at the moment. Dongju’s hand immediately went to his mouth and he bit on his nails, like he did when he was nervous.

“I’m not avoiding you, hyung.”

He said. Youngjo snorted.

“Yes, you are.” He took a look at Dongju’s face. Could it be…? “Ju. Is this about yesterday?”

Bingo. Dongju’s cheeks reddened and the boy pulled his knees against his chest, hiding his face in them.

“Can we please just forget that, hyung?”

Youngjo sighed.

“Ju, it was no big deal. You don’t have to be embarrassed.”

Dongju made a distressed noise on the back if his throat.

“You fed me, brushed my teeth, changed me into pyjamas and put me to bed, hyung. How can I _not_ be embarrassed?”

Youngjo shook his head.

“I didn’t mind doing any of that, and I wouldn’t mind doing it again as many times as you need me to, Ju. Plus, you’re adorable when you’re sleepy. So don’t be embarrassed, and please stop avoiding me, ok?”

Dongju bit on his lip, not seeming quite convinced.

“Don’t… don’t you think it’s weird, hyung?”

He asked, voice much softer than it had been. He sounded scared, and it made Youngjo upset to notice that knowing there was nothing he could do to help.

“What about me helping you out is weird, Ju?”

He asked. Dongju looked down, picking on his bottom lip.

“It… it’s almost like…” The boy hesitated. “It’s almost like you’re taking care of a baby.”

Youngjo frowned. There was something Dongju wasn’t telling him.

“Ju, all I know is that you were tired and I helped you to let you sleep longer. Nothing wrong with that. And what’s the problem with getting coddled and treated like a kid, sometimes? Come on, don’t tell me you don’t miss being taken care of. I sure do.”

Dongju looked at him at that, eyes searching for something Youngjo hoped was there. Apparently it was. The maknae let out a shaky sigh, and then nodded. Youngjo internally sighed in relief and reached out. Dongju tensed a bit when the older hugged him, but a second later he melted against the boy. Youngjo stifled the need to ask all the questions that were running through his mind. This – whatever it was – was clearly something Dongju was struggling with. His curiosity was less important than Dongju’s comfort.

Dongju didn’t know what was happening to him. He had always liked being taken care of, yes, he had always been aware of that, but… he had never known this ‘like’ might run deeper than it seemed. The fact was that ever since that one night Youngjo took care of him, three days earlier, Dongju had been feeling weird, as if his body was trying to tell him something but didn’t have the words to explain what it wanted. It wasn’t a good feeling. He felt as if he was being pulled to two opposite directions, stretched to his very limit, and it sucked. And Youngjo’s words had been running through his head, too, which wasn’t helping. The older had told him it was normal to want to be taken care of at times. That should be calming. But was it really normal? And would the older still say that if he knew the thoughts that were running through Dongju’s mind? He didn’t think so.

He knew what he wanted, at least on the short term, although he didn’t know why he wanted that: he wanted Youngjo to take care of him again, like he had done that one time. And he knew what was the problem, too: if it depended on him he wouldn’t allow himself to act like that in front of his hyung ever again. It had been embarrassing enough as it was, he didn’t need Youngjo to think this would be a recurrent thing, because that would lead him to think that maybe that was a part of who Dongju was. And it wasn’t. At least Dongju didn’t think it was.

In any case, the whole situation could be simplified as: Youngjo had taken care of Dongju; Dongju had enjoyed it; maybe Dongju wanted Youngjo to take care of him again; Dongju would never let that happen again, no matter how much he wanted it to. Simple. Theoretically. It was far more complicated when you put Dongju’s body on the equation, instead of only his mind, because Dongju’s body seemed to be constantly pulling him towards the other boys lately. Especially Youngjo and Geonhak. The fact that he felt the urge to hug Geonhak or lean against Youngjo constantly was becoming annoying – hard to resist –, and Dongju was pretty sure the oldest would soon notice the shirt he had lent Dongju had never been returned.

Dongju sighed, opening his eyes. He hadn’t noticed them closing. He blinked and stretched, trying to keep himself awake. He almost screamed in joy when his movement caught Geonhak’s attention and the boy pulled on Youngjo’s sleeve, whispering something to him. Youngjo looked around and sighed.

“Ok, I think we should head home for today.”

Dongju made a mental note to thank Geonhak later.

On the whole way home, Dongju fought to keep himself awake and away from Youngjo and Geonhak. When he was fully awake he could resist the urge to cuddle up against his hyungs just fine, but half asleep as he was, Dongju preferred to just avoid those two. And that he did, for the whole ride home. Then he arrived at the dorms and immediately let his body fall on the couch, not even thinking that lying down might be a bad idea considering he still had to shower, eat and get ready for bed and how tired he was.

Dongju groaned against a pillow. He didn’t want to get up ever again. He felt so tired, and his muscles were on fire, and his emotions were once again all over the place. He closed his eyes. A moment later he was being shook awake. He felt frustration well up in his chest, quickly becoming tears in his eyes.

“No.”

He whined, trying to push whoever was shaking him away.

“Ju, love, you have to get up. You need to eat and shower before you go to bed, come on.”

A little part of Dongju’s mind that was still aware of what was going on around him screamed at him to get himself together. A much bigger part of his mind told him to whine. He whined again.

“Wanna sleep.”

He complained. The person next to him sighed, and then someone was pulling Dongju into a sitting position and hugging him. Dongju let out a little surprised scream when a second later he was lifted from his feet. He wrapped his arms around the person’s neck.

“Come on, let’s eat. Hyung will help you.”

Ok, so it was Youngjo carrying him. Dongju fought himself for a second in his mind, then buried his face on Youngjo’s shoulder and let the older carry him.

Youngjo sat down with Dongju in his lap, and Dongju was thankful because then he could lean against the older. He noticed someone else was in the room. Seoho. He blinked at the boy, and something told him he had to hide, shouldn’t let Seoho see him like this, but that was quickly forgotten when Youngjo nudged his lips with a spoon.

“Open up, Ju, come on.” Dongju opened his mouth. The food tasted good, so he hummed, snuggling closer to Youngjo. The older ran a hand through his hair with a soft fond laugh that made Dongju feel so, so loved, for some reason. “Is it yummy?”

Asked the older. Dongju nodded, swallowing and opening his mouth again.

Dongju only noticed the food had ended when he opened his mouth and Youngjo giggled.

“There’s no more food, Ju.” Said the older. Dongju pouted. He wasn’t hungry anymore, but now his mouth felt empty and he didn’t like the feeling. He noticed the little string of Youngjo’s hoodie next to his face. Maybe… “Ju, what… are you chewing on my coat?”

Dongju pouted, letting the little string go.

“Sorry, hyung.”

God, talking was hard. Youngjo caressed his hair.

“I’m just worried about your teeth, Ju. Come on, hyung will help you shower and then you can go to sleep. Your dental guard will probably help.”

Dongju pouted. He doubted that; his dental guards never felt as good as biting on other things. But he said nothing, instead letting Youngjo pick him up again, and the noticing Seoho was no longer with them. Uh. Weird.

Dongju barely noticed Youngjo undressing him and helping him take a shower, and he was almost asleep as the older dried and redressed him. At some point he had started playing with his bottom lip, thumb rubbing against it, and he only noticed he was already in his room – the room looked a bit weird – when Youngjo pulled his hand away from his mouth and put his dental guard in. A moment later he was lying on a bed and Youngjo was kissing his forehead. It felt nice.

“Sleep well, Ju.”

Said the older. Dongju whined.

“Whe’s Doondoongie?”

He asked, the dental guard making his words come out jumbled.

“Doondoongie?” Youngjo asked. Dongju nodded, thumb once again rubbing his bottom lip, trying to somewhat lessen the discomfort the emptiness brought. “Wait, hyung will be right back.”

Dongju blinked at Youngjo, then pouted as the older left. Thankfully, Youngjo was quickly back, Dongju’s teddy bear in hands.

“Doondoongie.”

Dongju said, raising his hands. Youngjo gave him the toy and one more kiss to the forehead, and then Dongju was out like a light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments make my day, so, as usual, they're welcome and appreciated! Hope you liked this chapter ^.^


	5. Chapter 5

Youngjo sighed. Was he surprised? No. But he sure was disappointed. The night before he had gone to sleep on Dongju’s bed knowing he would probably have to talk to the maknae on the next day to get him to understand he didn’t have to be embarrassed about what had happened. He woke up, ate a bit knowing they had another long day of training ahead of them, and then started waking the others up. Dongju was last, since Youngjo had traded beds with the boy for the night. He woke up after Youngjo called his name four times, looked at the oldest, blinked, and then he got up and rushed out of the room, leaving Youngjo to sigh by himself. The younger hadn’t gone near him since.

The bonus was that Dongju was avoiding Seoho as well. Which actually answered a question of Youngjo’s of whether or not Dongju had even noticed Seoho there the night before, and if he remembered it. Apparently he did.

Youngjo could understand Dongju’s reaction, to an extent. He had fed Dongju, helped him shower, and basically treated him like a little kid, so he got where the younger was coming from. Even if they had talked about that before, being treated like that by a friend must be embarrassing, if you weren’t planning on it happening. And Youngjo was fairly certain Dongju hadn’t been counting on that.

On the other hand, Dongju had clearly enjoyed it much more than he wanted to admit. Youngjo had noticed it on the first time he helped Dongju out and he had noticed it again this time around: Dongju might be embarrassed, but he liked having this type of attention. Now the trick was getting the boy to see that he _could_ like it. That Youngjo didn’t mind doing it for him – whatever _it_ was – and didn’t mind the fact that Dongju liked to be taken care of like that.

He sighed, letting himself fall against the wall. Their manager – bless the man – had decided to treat them to some chicken and was on the process of getting it to the practice room, giving them a bit of time to breathe. Youngjo looked around, at all the tired faces around him, and his eyes stopped on Dongju, sitting alone by the mirror, hugging his knees. He figured now was as good a time as ever.

“Ju.”

Dongju looked up, startled, then his cheeks reddened and he looked down, hands moving to play with his bottom lip.

“Hm.”

Hummed the boy. Youngjo sat next to him.

“You’re avoiding me again.”

He said, as softly as he could. The last thing he wanted was to scare the boy away. Or catch the others’ attention. Dongju took a little sharp breath, then seemed to give up on his first option of an answer and looked at his shoes more pointedly.

“I’m sorry I’m so much trouble, hyung.”

Youngjo blinked at the boy, who was clearly trying to make himself as small as possible. The older sighed and got up.

“Come on. Let’s go get some water.”

Seoho sent them a questioning look as they exited the room, to which Youngjo shook his head. The others didn’t even notice them. Once outside, Youngjo made Dongju sit next to him.

“Ok. Now care to explain what do you mean by ‘so much trouble’?”

Dongju played with his lip for a second before replying.

“I… last night I, you had to do all that, even though you were tired. And it’s… weird. It was probably weird for you, hyung.”

Explained the boy. Youngjo shook his head, even though he knew Dongju couldn’t see him.

“Ju, I told you last time already. I don’t mind doing any of that. I don’t mind helping you eat or shower, or putting you to bed, I really don’t mind doing any of that. Hyung just wants to see you well and happy, and if doing these things is what you need to be well and happy then I’m ready to do them whenever you need it. Ok?” Dongju didn’t reply, just took a shaky breath. Youngjo frowned. “Ju? What is really bothering you?”

Dongju brought up a hand to wipe his cheek, and that was when Youngjo noticed the younger was crying. He had a moment of internal panic, but managed to keep it under control. He really wanted to pull Dongju into a hug at the moment, but first he needed an explanation, so he just put his hand on the boy’s knee. It took Dongju a moment, but eventually the boy started speaking.

“I just… I hate this… I hate what I want. I hate being like this.”

Said the boy. Youngjo opened his mouth to ask what, exactly, Dongju was talking about, but apparently this situation was too much for the boy, because he let out a sob, and then he was full on crying. Youngjo acted on instinct, pulling the younger into his arms.

“Ju, hey. It’s ok, you’re ok. Hyung is here with you.”

He said, trying to sound as calming and comforting as possible. Dongju gripped his shirt tightly, sobbing into the older’s chest. They stayed like that for a while, Dongju crying against Youngjo, until Seoho came out of the room looking for them.

“Hey, what are you guys…? Ju?”

Dongju tightened his grip on Youngjo’s shirt and the older pulled him closer.

“Seoho, can you ask manager to come here for a second? And please don’t tell the others about this. If we don’t go back, tell them Ju was feeling sick.”

Seoho slowly nodded and then left to call the manager.

Youngjo led Dongju home by the hand, never letting go. They arrived at the dorm fairly quickly, and Dongju seemed to have calmed down a bit on the way there. Youngjo still didn’t let him go, helping the boy into some more comfortable clothes and guiding him to the couch, where he made himself comfortable before pulling the younger to sit on his lap. Once they were both settled he took one of Dongju’s hands, softly caressing it with his thumb.

“Ok. Now why don’t you explain to hyung what you meant at the company?” He asked. Dongju ignored him, too busy biting on his nails. “What did you mean when you said you hate wanting what you want? What is it that you want, Ju?”

Prompted the older. This made Dongju tense up a bit.

“I… I just… it’s weird, hyung.” Youngjo didn’t reply. He had a feeling Dongju had more to say. “I don’t even really know what I want, and it’s confusing and…”

The boy gestured with his hands, seeming lost. Youngjo hummed.

“Well. Then tell me what is it that you think you want. Then we can figure it out together, ok? And I don’t care how weird you think it is, I promise you I won’t be weirded out, no matter what.”

Dongju sighed, pressing himself harder against Youngjo.

“I like it when hyungs look after me.”

He said. Youngjo hummed, running a hand through the boy’s hair.

“Well, everyone likes being looked after, no?”

Dongju whined.

“Well, yeah, but it’s not… it’s not like that, it’s weird.”

Youngjo frowned.

“How is wanting to be cared for weird, Ju?”

Dongju huffed, and it was a bit of a desperate noise.

“It’s not! It’s just how… it’s the way…” Dongju stopped and took a deep breath, and Youngjo noticed the younger was shaking. He tightened his hug the slightest bit. “I liked it when hyung fed me and helped me shower. I like it when you guys cuddle me, or when you hold my hand to cross streets, even if you do it as a joke. I like it when you worry about me, and play with me, and enforce a bedtime, and that’s… that’s weird.”

Dongju had buried his face against Youngjo’s chest. The older continued to run a hand through the boy’s hair.

“Who said it’s weird?”

He asked. Dongju turned to look at him with a frown on his face.

“Common sense?”

Youngjo shook his head.

“Common sense is heavily influenced by what society decides is right and wrong, Ju.” Dongju only stared at him. Youngjo put a hand on the boy’s cheek. “What you want and like is none of anyone’s business. As long as you’re not hurting other people, there’s nothing wrong with it. And I would say that as far as likes and dislikes go, these things you want are pretty harmless.”

Dongju seemed to consider his words. Youngjo let the boy take it in, trying to mask how much he feared his words wouldn’t be enough to calm the younger’s worries.

“I still think it’s pretty weird, hyung. It’s like saying I want to be treated like a little kid. Plus, none of you signed up for this.”

Youngjo shook his head.

“Just like I said before, Ju, I didn’t mind doing these things for you and I wouldn’t mind doing them again. Look, this is something you clearly don’t fully understand yet, so why don’t we make a deal?” Dongju didn’t agree, but he also didn’t refuse it. Youngjo kept going. “I’ll take care of you. I’ll help you eat and shower, make sure you’re in bed by a reasonable time, choose your outfits for you, even. Anything you want. If you don’t like something I do just tell me and I won’t do it again. Then we can slowly figure this out together.”

Dongju seemed to be deep in thought.

“But the others…”

He said, his poor bottom lip already bitten raw. Youngjo pulled the boy’s lip from between his teeth, holding Dongju’s hand.

“I’ll be discreet, promise.”

Dongju looked at him, then sighed.

“You have to promise me you won’t force yourself to do anything you don’t want to, hyung.”

He said, and Youngjo could see the child-like glint in the boy’s eyes getting brighter by the second. He smiled.

“Of course. And you, mister, have to promise me you won’t hold back when it’s only the two of us.”

Youngjo knew both of them knew he was referring to Dongju’s new habit of rubbing his bottom lip with his thumb, which was clearly only the first step to what Dongju really wanted.

“Ok, hyung.”

Mumbled the younger, snuggling against Youngjo. The older kissed Dongju’s head and picked up the TV controller.

“Shall we watch something?”

An hour later Dongju was happily sucking on his thumb as they watched Beauty and the Beast, and Youngjo was waist deep in information he had found on the Internet about where Dongju’s little habits might come from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys like it?? Comments are always v much appreciated ^.^


	6. Chapter 6

Things were a bit awkward at first. Not in the sense of Dongju and Youngjo not feeling comfortable, they were just both unsure of how to act. Dongju was starting to notice that he didn’t always feel the need to be taken care of. There were times when he felt like his usual self, able to take care of himself and make decisions on his own – though he would never refuse cuddles. On other times… well, he could still do stuff on his own, but the urge to let himself fall against the closest hyung and let them take care of him was almost too strong to resist.

Youngjo had also noticed Dongju’s needs weren’t constant. His main problem now was identifying when Dongju wanted to be taken care of and when he didn’t. He could see the boy’s actions changed a bit when he was feeling overwhelmed and wanted to be guided, but Dongju was naturally very childish, so it wasn’t that easy to differentiate his normal childishness from the other kind. And that’s how Youngjo started his journey through the Internet.

When he first started researching he had gotten a lot of… sexual content. People who acted like babies during sex because it turned them and their partner on, people who used baby items as a type of foreplay and many other things. He was pretty sure whatever Dongju wanted and felt had nothing to do with that, because he could see the sheer innocence on Dongju’s eyes whenever the younger was in one of his child-like moods. So Youngjo had dug deeper.   
It wasn’t until a month into this new thing they had going on that Youngjo finally found something promising. He was once again browsing the Internet for answers, Dongju sleeping by his side with his thumb in his mouth, and he stumbled on a picture of a pacifier. He almost scrolled right past it, before the word ‘adult’ caught his attention. After clicking the link, a whole new world had opened up to him.

Youngjo looked at Dongju, after reading for quite some time. Age regression. When someone allows themselves to mentally regress to a younger age and act like a baby, a kid or a teenager again. The descriptions on the website Youngjo had found were incredibly interesting. They talked about how when people regressed they lost many of their skills, talking in child-like sentences and literally acting like a child. Just like Dongju. The maknae had come to him just a few hours earlier, his teddy bear gripped tight in his hand, and had pouted at Youngjo until the older had made space for him on the bed and let Dongju snuggle against him. Youngjo thought back to the way Dongju always acted when he wanted Youngjo to take care of him. He didn’t speak much and used his hands and facial expressions to express what he wanted.

Youngjo continued to read, even though he should have gone to sleep already. This was too interesting to stop.

After reading the article, Youngjo decided to change how he took care of Dongju. So far he had been letting the boy lead him. He waited for Dongju to express what he wanted and then obeyed, helping the boy eat and shower, putting him to bed, all of that. Discretely, too, because Dongju didn’t want the others knowing. But if he was right about Dongju being a little – he really did his research – this was very far from what Dongju actually wanted. So Youngjo decided he should be more proactive in this relationship.

His first opportunity came when Dongju fell asleep on his bed and woke up clearly still feeling tired. Youngjo woke the boy up only to have Dongju whining at him and burying his face in his stuffed toy. Youngjo tried to hide his excitement as he put a hand on the boy’s hair and whispered in his ear.

“Go back to sleep, Ju. Hyung will be back soon.” Dongju didn’t need to be told twice. He was already asleep again as Youngjo headed out to meet the others.

Seoho was on the couch, probably waiting for the others to be ready so they could leave together.

“Seoho?” The boy looked up, smiling at Youngjo.

“Morning, hyung.”

Youngjo smile back.

“Morning. Listen, Ju isn’t feeling well.” Seoho’s face fell and Youngjo felt a bit bad. “I’ll stay with him for the day. You and Hak take care of the boys. I’m sure Ju will be feeling much better when you come back.”

The last part was added to tranquilize the younger boy. Seoho sighed.

“Ok. Take care of him, hyung.”

He said, and soon after him and the other three left the dorms with wishes for Dongju to feel better soon. Youngjo felt a bit bad about lying to them, but it wasn’t a harmful lie, and it would probably make Dongju’s day much better, so he figured it was ok. Once he was sure everyone was really gone, he headed back to his own room.

Dongju was still sleeping. Youngjo went through everything he had read again, in his mind, and then approached the boy.

“Ju. Time to wake up, buddy.” Dongju opened his eyes with clear difficulty then blinked at Youngjo. It wasn’t the first time this happened, but usually Youngjo just offered the boy a hand and helped him get up. This time he kneeled down and pushed the boy’s bangs back. “Did you sleep well?”

He asked. Dongju hummed, stretching and then squishing his teddy bear against his face.

“’m ti’ed.”

He mumbled, reminding Youngjo of the fact that he still had his dental guards on.

“You’re tired? Then what do you say we eat some breakfast and watch a bit of TV? I’m sure you’ll feel better then.”

This made Dongju open his eyes properly.

“Toy Sto’y?”

He asked. Youngjo smiled. 

“Yeah, we can watch Toy Story. But breakfast first. Come on.”

Dongju whined a bit, but eventually unrolled himself from the little blanket burrito he had been in and got up. He picked up his teddy bear and reached for Youngjo’s hand, and then stayed still. Youngjo noticed the boy was waiting for him to lead the way. Oh, Dongju was most definitely a little. Leaving Dongju’s dental guard behind, they headed out.

Youngjo thanked the heavens when he arrived at the kitchen and saw there were still some food leftovers. He helped Dongju sit down and quickly grabbed a bowl, which he filled with rice and eggrolls. Then he sat next to Dongju and pushed the bowl towards him, wanting to see the boy’s reaction. Dongju looked at it, and opened his mouth. Youngjo chuckled and grabbed the chopsticks.

“Is it yummy?”

He asked, halfway through. Dongju had been doing this little happy dance each time he got food in his mouth, and it was honestly too adorable. Youngjo noticed he had seen the boy do this before, but had never really thought much of it.

“Yummy.”

Replied Dongju, smiling at the older. Youngjo laughed and gave the boy more food.

Once they were done with breakfast, Dongju rushed to the couch. Youngjo followed the boy, giving him a stern look.

“No running inside, Ju.”

He scolded. Dongju pouted.

“Wan’ed to watch Toy Story.” He said. Youngjo crossed his arms. Dongju huffed. “Sorry, hyung.”

Youngjo ruffled the boy’s hair.

“Brat.”

Dongju giggled.

When the other boys came back that day, Youngjo was more than sure about Dongju being a little. The boy was currently taking a nap on the oldest’s bed, which helped their act of him being sick. When Youngjo woke him up he was out of what Youngjo had learned was called ‘headspace’, and pretty confused.

“Hyung?”

He asked. Youngjo smiled.

“Did you enjoy your day, Ju?”

Dongju blinked at him, cheeks reddening.

“I-I mean, yes, but what…?”

Youngjo smiled.

“We’ll talk about it later, ok? Now pretend you’ve been sick all day long, cause that’s what I told the boys.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, people, last update of the year!!!! Did you like the chapter?? Tell me in the comments, your comments make my day ^.^
> 
> Anyways, hope all of you have a great new year <333


	7. Chapter 7

After that day with Youngjo, Dongju was left with even more questions than he had before. What had happened that day? He remembered waking up feeling so tired and just so… he couldn’t name it. All he knew was that even thinking about doing things on his own felt tiring. This wasn’t that uncommon, but usually Youngjo just helped him out of bed and got him dressed, and then Dongju had to eat by himself because the others were around, and this slowly made him feel less… like that. It wasn’t good. He was always left feeling frustrated and a bit sad, but he figured it was just the normal tiredness from their crazy schedules. What else could it be, when Youngjo was already doing exactly what Dongju had asked him to do?

But then Youngjo had actually taken care of Dongju that day in just the way Dongju had been dreaming of without noticing. When he spoke to Youngjo about the things he wanted it wasn’t very clear to him how he wanted them. But Youngjo had woken Dongju up so softly and helped him get dressed. Then he had fed Dongju and cuddled him as they watched Toy Story, and then he tickled Dongju and read him stories, and… it all felt so nice. It was exactly what Dongju had been waiting for.

They needed to talk, that much was clear. Whatever was going on needed to be discussed, and Dongju knew he wasn’t the only one who thought that, because Youngjo approached him on the day after _that_ one and demanded that they talk.

They only actually found time to talk a few days later, though, when their manager got them a free afternoon and each one of the boys decided to do something different. Seoho, Keonhee and Hwanwoong went to watch a movie and Geonhak stayed in to sleep. Originally, Hwanwoong had asked Youngjo to hang out. Dongju felt a bit bad, because he knew Youngjo had refused for him, but he had also had to turn Geonhak down, so…

And so they settled on Youngjo’s room, and Dongju waited for the older to talk.

“Ok, so. I’ve been researching.”

He said. Dongju raised an eyebrow.

“You’ve been what?”

Youngjo laughed.

“Ever since you told me you don’t really understand what is it that you feel, I’ve been trying to find an explanation to it. I read a lot of weird shit for you, brat.”

This made Dongju chuckle a bit, because Youngjo didn’t really sound upset, and if he was making jokes then whatever he had found wasn’t too bad. Probably.

“Did you at least find something helpful, hyung?”

He asked. Youngjo nodded.

“I did actually. Have you ever heard of age regression?”

Dongju frowned. 

“Age… what?”

Youngjo hummed.

“Well… I don’t know much, I just found out about it recently. But from what I read it’s when someone mentally regresses to a younger state of mind.” Dongju blinked, staring at the older. “There were lots of websites talking about it related to various health problems, but apparently it can also serve as a way to help yourself de-stress. People use it to shut down their adult selves so that they can relax as if they were kids again, carefree and more open.”

Dongju could see where the older was coming from. Still, he wasn’t very convinced.

“But that’s… I don’t… do it consciously, hyung.”

Youngjo nodded.

“I know. But you can control it. The times I only helped you get up and get dressed you maintained your adult mentality afterwards. The only time you really let yourself act young was the other day, when I properly took care of you.”

Dongju slowly nodded. That… made some sense.

“But what… why do you think…?”

Truth be told, the term was scaring Dongju a bit. He had been considering this need to be taken care of just that: a need to be taken care of because his life was stressful. The idea that he might have been craving actually regressing to a little kid’s state of mind? That was scary as fuck. Youngjo put a hand on his.

“The websites I read talk about people who regress. There were many mentions of people feeling just like you described you feel. Tired, wanting to be taken care of, wanting someone to just guide them and make sure they are well and healthy. They also talked about how they often have these really childish traits that are inherent to them, such as thumb-sucking, biting on things, liking plush toys.”

Dongju felt a shiver run through his body. He could see himself in the portrait Youngjo was describing. He wasn’t sure he liked it.

“But that’s… it’s…”

Youngjo caressed his hair.

“Ju. You don’t have to take everything in at once. Read a bit about it. Give yourself time. Come to me if you have questions. You have time to think about this. And until then I’ll make sure to treat you like I did last time, because whether you actually regress or not, you clearly benefited from what happened that day. Ok?”

Dongju took a shaky breath, but nodded.

“Ok, hyung.”

Youngjo smiled.

“Read about it. It’s not as scary as it seems. And I would love to be your caregiver.”

Dongju was left dying to know what a ‘caregiver’ was.

Dongju huffed. Ever since his talk with Youngjo he had been researching age regression, and each thing he read made him surer of the fact that he was indeed a ‘little’. If he was being honest, he would admit he had known from the moment Youngjo first brought the term up. The feeling Youngjo had described, of feeling mentally younger, had been there on that one time Youngjo took care of him. Dongju had felt, then, with every cell on his body, that he was three years old. But that was embarrassing to admit, so he had chosen to ignore it. Now he couldn’t anymore.

He sighed, looking at his hands again. An hour had passed, and so far all Dongju had done was sit in his bed and sigh. His plan had been to talk to Youngjo, but whenever he thought of the older he thought about age regression, and then his mind started working ten times faster to bring up all of the insecurities the discovery of his little self had left Dongju with. Needless to say, he was having a hard time making himself approach Youngjo.

“Dongju. If you sigh one more time I will kick you out of this dorm with no hesitation.”

Dongju blinked, eyes widening. Hwanwoong hadn’t even stopped reading his phone to threaten him, but Seoho was looking at the second youngest with wide eyes.

“Wh-“

Keonhee huffed.

“He’s kinda right, Ju. You’ve been sighing and pulling on poor Doondoongie’s fur for over ten minutes.”

Dongju blushed at the mention of his teddy bear. He had never cared about the boys teasing him about the toy before, but now it felt… different.

“Just solve whatever is bothering you, Ju. I doubt it’s as bad as you’re making it out to be.”

Dongju stared at the two boys. Then he sighed as got up, ignoring Keonhee’s surprised ‘wait, he actually went’.

He entered Youngjo’s room without knocking. If he knocked it would give him too much time to think, and if he thought too much…

“Dongju?”

Dongju broke down crying.

Youngjo could only stare at the younger boy as Dongju crouched down, face hidden in his hands, and cried. Then he got up and made a move towards the boy, still a bit in shock. He touched Dongju’s shoulder and the younger curled up tighter. Youngjo took a few deep breaths, telling himself to just keep calm and comfort the boy. They could deal with the rest later.

“Ju, hey.”

He kept his voice soft, crouching down next to Dongju and pulling the younger closer. Dongju only resisted for a second before he let himself be pulled against the older, and then his hand found its way to Youngjo’s shirt and he gripped tightly, hiding against Youngjo’s chest. To say Youngjo was a bit overwhelmed would be an utter and complete understatement. He let Dongju cling to him anyways. Then after a while he picked the boy up and moved the both of them to his bed, where he lay down with Dongju still cuddled up against his chest.

Youngjo had no idea how much time passed until Dongju stopped crying, but eventually the sobs died down. He didn’t say anything. Dongju would talk when he was ready. So he patiently waited in silence. And his patience was rewarded when Dongju pulled back a bit, resting his head on Youngjo’s arm.

“Hyung, I think I may be a little.”

Youngjo knew the two of them knew Dongju didn’t _think_ he was a little. Still, he didn’t point that out. Instead he kissed the boy’s forehead.

“You know it’s ok, right?”

Dongju sighed.

“It sounds so wrong, hyung.”

Youngjo shook his head.

“It isn’t. It’s just how you deal with stress.”

Dongju didn’t answer for a while. Then he whispered, words mumbled because his thumb had found its way to his mouth.

“Please don’t tell the others.”

He asked. Youngjo hesitated to reply. This was something quite important, and he hated hiding even the smallest things from the others. On the other hand, it was Dongju’s secret.

“I won’t tell. Why don’t you take a nap? You’re probably tired.”

Dongju fell asleep just a moment later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, would you look at that, it's already next year!!!! And this was my new year present for you guys ^.^ hope you liked the chapter! (and the double update, cause that is very rare, sorry)
> 
> Happy 2020, you guys, hope all of you have a great year filled with good things!!!!! And as always, I love reading your comments ^.^


	8. Chapter 8

Dongju bit on his lip as he watched Youngjo going around the room. The older was looking through his clothes and taking stuff out of his wardrobe, and a few things were in boxes, which meant Dongju didn’t know what they were. The other guys were out, obviously. Youngjo had made sure all of them would be out the whole day long so Dongju could finally try to regress properly. This is not to say that Dongju hadn’t regressed before. On the six days since their little talk and Dongju’s breakdown the boy had surely slipped a few times. Now that he was aware of his age regression he could clearly tell when he felt little and when he somewhat slipped. He knew the others couldn’t tell, because he had always done it, but still, knowing about it made Dongju a little paranoid.

“Hyung?” He shyly called. Youngjo looked at him immediately. He shook his head, probably at the way Dongju was chewing his shirt’s sleeve. “’m anxious.”

Was all Dongju managed to say, because he was indeed getting quite anxious, and anxiety always made talking hard for him.

Youngjo seemed to understand, because he stopped picking up stuff and sat down next to Dongju, pulling the younger to sit between his legs. He caressed Dongju’s hair.

“You don’t have to be anxious, baby. It’s going to be ok, we talked about this, didn’t we?”

Dongju bit harder on the sleeve, not caring about the fact that he might actually rip it if he kept doing that.

“But what if I can’t?”

He asked. Youngjo frowned.

“What if you can’t what?”

He asked. Dongju shrugged.

“Be little.”

He felt more than heard Youngjo’s chuckle.

“If you can’t slip than we’ll just have fun playing.”

He said. Simple as that. Dongju felt himself relaxing a little.

“Really?”

He asked. If they could just play without needing to get into headspace… well, that made things easier.

“Of course.”

Said Youngjo, kissing the top of Dongju’s head. The boy melted against the older. They stayed like that for a while, cuddling, and it was great. Youngjo was warm and big and soft, and he made Dongju feel protected and loved. So Dongju let himself relax and rest. He let his body take over, slowly turning off his worries and letting his adult mind-set slip away.

And then Dongju started feeling uncomfortable. He shifted, not wanting to get up, because Youngjo’s arms felt safe, but also feeling increasingly uncomfortable. He shifted again after a while, and then again, and then he whined.

“Hyung, feels uncomfy.”

He complained. He somewhat noticed the fact that he was acting on instinct, and he had to make a bit of an effort to not take control and push that instinct away. Youngjo pulled back, looking at him.

“What feels uncomfy, Ju?”

Asked the older, and the little nickname made a bunch of butterflies fly on Dongju’s belly. Now he felt a little bit softer.

“Dunno.”

He replied, with a pout that came very naturally. Youngjo looked him over.

“What do you say we get you some better clothes?” He asked. Dongju perked up. That sounded nice. He nodded and Youngjo laughed. “Come on, let’s take a look at your clothes.”

Dongju considered asking for a piggyback ride, but instead chose to get up and walk for himself. He could… he was a big boy; he could walk on his own. He followed the older to his closet. After more than ten minutes, Dongju sighed. Why didn’t anything look good?

“Hyung.”

He called. Youngjo looked at him.

“Hum? What is it, Ju?”

Dongju took his hand to his mouth, biting on the top of his index finger for comfort.

“Can I have hyungie’s clothes?”

He asked, not even noticing how easily the childish act came to him, and how it was getting easier by the second to just let them show. Youngjo blinked at him, then made a weird noise and pinched Dongju’s cheek.

“Why must you be so cute, are you trying to end me?” He asked, and Dongju giggled, the idea of all his worries and responsibilities getting foggier and foggier. Youngjo smiled at him. “Come on, hyung will lend you some clothes.”

Dongju let himself be pulled away to the older’s room. When Youngjo opened his closet, Dongju smiled. He could feel excitement bubbling on his stomach as he looked at his hyung’s clothes. He knew Youngjo’s clothes would be too big for him, and he loved the idea. He loved the sweater paws that would come with it, and he loved how small and soft they would surely make him feel.

“Ju can choose?”

He asked, shyly. He didn’t even notice he had referred to himself in third person. Youngjo smiled at him and nodded.

“Of course, Ju. Go on.”

Dongju gave a little excited wiggle of shoulders and moved forward, reaching for the clothes.

Two minutes later Dongju pulled out a pair of sweatpants and the only pink sweater Youngjo owned. He bit on his lip, extending the clothes to the older.

“Can hyung help Ju?”

Youngjo laughed and got the clothes from the boy. He set them aside, gesturing for Dongju to move closer.

“Lift your arms, Ju.”

The boy obeyed, then held onto Youngjo as the older helped him out of his jeans and into the sweatpants he had chosen. Youngjo then pulled the sweater over Dongju’s head, laughing as the boy squealed when his vision was obstructed. He pulled the sweater down and Dongju gasped as he came face to face with Youngjo again. He then giggled, finding the whole situation funny for some reason. Youngjo laughed as well.

“You are too cute, Ju, did you know that?”

Dongju giggled again, then sighed contentedly, feeling soft and small in his new clothes, just like he knew he would. The fact that the sweater smelled like Youngjo just made everything even better.

Youngjo decided Dongju was definitely regressed when the boy put the sleeve of his – Youngjo’s – sweater in his mouth and started sucking on it, looking at Youngjo with big eyes that told the older he was awaiting instructions. The older chuckled. The only word to describe the situation was ‘adorable’. And he hadn’t even shown Dongju the things he had bought. He sat on the bed.

“Hey, Ju, did you know hyung bought you some presents?”

Dongju immediately let his hand drop from his mouth, seeming interested.

“Presents?” Youngjo nodded. Dongju squealed, looking around. “Where, hyungie?”

Youngjo laughed. He hadn’t wanted Dongju to regress without a single toy to play with, so he had bought a few things. It had been quite an adventure, actually, because Seoho had been the one to get the packages, and he almost opened them before noticing Youngjo’s name written on one of the boxes. Thankfully, it had been Seoho and not Keonhee or Hwanwoong, because Youngjo knew those two would have opened it anyways, and that would have been a mess.

But now the things were with him and Dongju was about to get them, and Youngjo would be lying if he said he wasn’t excited – and maybe slightly nervous.

“Come on, sit here with hyungie.” He said, patting the bed next to him. Dongju looked at the spot next to Youngjo and scrunched up his nose. Then he crawled onto Youngjo’s lap, settling there. The older laughed, kissing the boy’s cheek. “Cute baby.”

He said.

“Hyungie, give!”

Whined Dongju, pouting. Youngjo rolled his eyes. Dongju was whiny no matter what, why wouldn’t he be in headspace?

“Close your eyes.” Youngjo instructed. Dongju squealed and obeyed. “Give hyungie your hands.”

Dongju once again did as he was told and Youngjo put a box on the little’s hands. Dongju opened his eyes, eyeing the box. He glanced at Youngjo, who nodded, and then he immediately started clawing at the box in an attempt to open it. Youngjo laughed, watching the boy as he finally managed to find the opening and practically pulled the box apart.  
Dongju squealed. He immediately pulled on the Frozen themed blanket to get it out of the box and then stared at it in wonder.

“Ju blankie?”

He asked, looking at Youngjo with big eyes. Youngjo nodded.

“Yes, baby. Hyung got it for you.”

Dongju’s face slowly lit up with a smile and he hugged the blanket to his chest, a little giggle leaving him. Youngjo gripped the bed sheets tightly to avoid permanently damaging the younger’s cheeks with pinches.

“Ju love it, hyungie.”

Said the boy. Youngjo smiled.

“Well, I hope you love the next one, too.”

Dongju perked up, looking at the next box in the bed. Youngjo handed it to him and the boy shook it, eyes widening at the noise it made. He quickly set the box down, opening it, and then he gasped. He reached into the box, pulling out the Polly Pocket set Youngjo had bought for him and looking at it with amazed eyes.

“Hyungie! Bunny! And, and kitty!”

Youngjo chuckled.

“Yes, baby. It’s an animal hospital, for you to take care of the animals.”

Dongju squealed.

“Ju play?”

He asked. Youngjo laughed.

“Hyung has one last present for you, then we can play, ok?”

Dongju nodded, eagerly opening his hands for the last present. Youngjo put a little case on his hands. Dongju frowned, opening the case. Then he smiled.

“Hyungie, ‘now white!”

He said, pointing at the Snow White figure on the pacifier’s shield.

“Do you like it?”

Asked Youngjo. Dongju smiled and got up, kneeling next to Youngjo and pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“Ju love, hyungie.” He said, making Youngjo melt. “Now play?”

He asked. Youngjo laughed.

Youngjo had been worried when he bought the Polly set for Dongju. Worried that the boy wouldn’t like it or would get bored quickly. He shouldn’t have. They opened the toy and a moment later Dongju was taking out all of the pieces, sitting on the floor in that M-shaped position only he found comfortable and talking about the toy to Youngjo non-stop.

It was a cute scene. Once he had explained to Youngjo what each piece of the toy was and what story he would make, he started playing with the set, mumbling things to himself in different voices, depending on which character he was voicing. The Polly – which Dongju had named miss Marina – had a high-pitched voice. The bunny was apparently a male bunny, and the cat was actually a kitten.

Youngjo soon noticed, though, that the part Dongju seemed to enjoy the most was changing the doll’s clothes. He made a mental note to buy more clothes for his Polly, and maybe other toys that involved dressing up.

Youngjo was woken up from his daydream by Dongju screaming.

“Hyungie! Emergency! Kitty very ill. Miss Marina no save him!”

Youngjo blinked in surprise as he noticed there were actual tears on the boy’s eyes. Of course Dongju was a sensitive baby. The older quickly recovered from the surprise and rushed to sit next to Dongju.

“Let me see the patient.” He demanded. Dongju handed him the plastic cat very carefully, and Youngjo accepted it. “I will do what I can. You can trust me.”

He said, very seriously. Dongju bit on his lip, watching attentively as Youngjo pretended to take care of the kitten, giving it an imaginary injection, listening to its heartbeat and even feeding it some imaginary medicine. When Youngjo finally put the cat down, Dongju looked at him with wide eyes.

“Is he ‘k, doctor?”

He asked, eyes shining. Youngjo gave him a long look, then smiled.

“I saved him.”

Dongju squealed and hugged Youngjo. Then he carefully ran a finger over the plastic cat.

“You be ok, kitty.” He said, softly, and Youngjo was ready to melt. Dongju turned back to him. “Ju getted call from lady. She need help. Hyungie come?”

He asked, very serious. Youngjo felt warmth spread on his heart. He didn’t know what, exactly, he expected to experience as a caregiver, but it definitely wasn’t this. The one time he had seen Dongju regress was basically him letting Dongju watch movies and reading him stories, so Youngjo hadn’t really done much back then. Now he was finally seeing what taking care of Dongju was like. The maknae was actually acting like a little kid, and probably feeling like a little kid, too, at the moment. And it was precious to watch, and even better to be involved in this. He smiled at the boy.

“Of course, it is my duty as a veterinarian to help every pet that needs me.”

Dongju giggled.

“Hyungie talk funny.”

He said. Youngjo laughed.

Youngjo let Dongju play on his own again after a while and settled on the bed to rest. When the maknae finally got bored, quite some time later, he climbed on the bed with Youngjo and poked him. When the older turned to look at the boy, Dongju pouted.

“Hyungie, cuddle?”

He asked. Youngjo smiled, opening his arms and letting a now smiley Dongju settle against him. He held the boy close, letting Dongju rest against his chest.

“Do you want your pacifier, baby?”

He asked. Dongju hummed, opening his mouth. Youngjo gave the boy his pacifier, wishing he could take a picture or have someone to squeal about this with.

“Hyungie, tell Ju a story?”

Requested the boy, seeming a bit sleepy. Youngjo noticed it was getting late and bit on his lip.

“Actually, I think it’s time to have lunch, Ju.”

He said. Dongju pouted.

“Don’ wanna.”

He complained. Youngjo sighed.

“What do you say we have lunch and then I can run you a bubble bath? Then hyungie will read you as many stories as you want.”

Dongju seemed to consider it, then nodded.

“Hyungie carry Ju?”

He requested, lifting his arms. Youngjo smiled fondly. Dongju was looking at him with the biggest puppy eyes, a pout on his face. What was Youngjo gonna do? Say no?

They headed to the kitchen and Youngjo left Dongju on a chair while he prepared their food. He left the boy with a paper sheet and pencil, because he knew better than to leave a little kid to their own devices with nothing to entertain them. And even if Dongju wasn’t actually a little kid, at the moment he was exactly that.

When he finished heating up some leftovers, he was greeted by the sight of a messy drawing in front of Dongju, which he had no hopes of comprehending.

“Did you draw that, Ju?”

He asked. The little looked up, eyes a bit droopy. He smiled.

“Hmm. Drawed Ju and hyungie.”

Youngjo eyed the drawing. There were definitely more blobs than necessary to represent him and Dongju, but he wasn’t going to question that.

“It looks pretty. Here, give it to hyungie so he can put it away. We don’t want your pretty picture getting dirty, do we?”

Dongju hurriedly handed over his drawing, shaking his head. He eyed the food.

“What eat, hyungie?”

Youngjo took note of the fact that the boy seemed to be having more and more trouble formulating sentences as time passed. Probably due to how sleepy he was getting.

“We have rice balls and some meat. Do you want hyungie to feed you?”

Dongju put his pacifier down and opened his mouth as a reply. Youngjo chuckled and picked up a spoon to feed the boy.

Youngjo only managed to eat once Dongju was done. The boy had requested the older’s full attention, and even after he was finished he had only ‘allowed’ Youngjo to eat when the older let him sit on his lap. Youngjo had never eaten so fast, because Dongju was clearly getting sleepier by the second, and Youngjo couldn’t let him sleep without a bath, specially considering the mess he had made with his food.

As soon as he was done eating he carried the boy to the bathroom, undressing him as he prepared the bath. He used his shampoo to make bubbles, because they didn’t have anything specific to make bubbles at the dorm, and then he helped Dongju get in. The boy giggled sleepily at the bubbles, poking them with his fingers to see them pop. Youngjo smiled as he watched, letting the boy play for a bit.

“Hyungie.”

Called Dongju, after a while.

“Hum?”

Replied Youngjo. Dongju smiled.

“Bubbles.”

Youngjo could only laugh as the boy pointed at the bubbles all around him.

“Yeah, baby, bubbles. Do you like them?”

Dongju nodded.

“Like.”

Youngjo laughed and proceeded to wash the boy.

Once Dongju was fully clean, Youngjo helped him get out and dried him, wrapping him in a towel and pulling the boy to his room. Dongju followed him with his eyes barely open.

Once inside the room, Youngjo helped Dongju lie down on the bed and picked up one of his own pyjamas, knowing Dongju would probably prefer Youngjo’s clothes to his own. Then he glanced at the package he hadn’t shown Dongju earlier. Youngjo didn’t know how old little Dongju was, because he had only seen the boy in headspace once, and back then he didn’t pay attention. But he had seen enough of Dongju’s personality to guess that he might be on the younger end of the scale. Which was why he had bought diapers. Just in case. After spending half a day with little Dongju, he was almost convinced he had made the right choice, at least for a sleepy Dongju.

He approached the bed, picking up one of the diapers. Then he tapped Dongju’s hip.

“Ju, baby, lift your little bum, please.”

Dongju giggled and lifted his hips. Youngjo slipped the diaper under him and quickly tapped it shut. Dongju didn’t complain or even seem to notice the garment. He simply smiled at Youngjo, his thumb finding its way into his mouth. The older smiled back and put his pyjamas on the boy, before helping Dongju under the covers. Dongju reached around, hands closing around his Frozen blanket, which he pulled close to his face.

“Doondoongie?”

Asked Dongju, softly. Youngjo chuckled. How could he have forgotten? 

“Wait here a second.”

He said, leaving the room and heading to Dongju’s room. He picked up the boy’s stuffed dog, taking it back to his own room. Dongju’s eyes lit up as he saw his toy, and he made grabby hands at it. Youngjo gave it to the younger and then settled down under the covers with Dongju. The little moved closer, snuggling against him.

“Story?”

He asked. Youngjo smiled, taking the boy’s thumb from his mouth and giving him his pacifier instead.

“Close your eyes so you can listen better, ok?” Dongju obeyed. “Once upon a time…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, people ^.^ did you enjoy this chapter?? I think it was a bit longer than usual... hope you liked it and as always your comments are appreciated!!!!


	9. Chapter 9

Youngjo sighed in exasperation. He felt as if he was the main character of the Groundhog Day movie, living the same day again and again. Why, you ask? Because Dongju was avoiding him. Again. Youngjo knew why, too. Dongju had been mortified about the fact that he was wearing a diaper when he slipped out of headspace, and even more so when he noticed he had wet the diaper he was wearing. And now he was avoiding Youngjo as if that would help. The older glared at the door Dongju had just closed.

“What has been going on with you and Ju?”

Asked Seoho, making his way to sit next to Youngjo. Geonhak perked up near them, moving closer to join the conversation.

“Nothing.”

Answered Youngjo, shrugging. The other two boys only raised their eyebrows at him.

“Hyung. You can’t expect us to believe that when you clearly did something to stop him from looking like a zombie during promotions.”

Said Geonhak, and he did have a valid point. Seoho nodded.

“Plus, you’ve been playing this weird push and pull game, lately. He avoids you, then he clings to you, and then he avoids you again. What is going on?”

Youngjo bit on his lip. He couldn’t tell them. If it depended on him he was pretty sure he would have told the others, but this was Dongju’s secret, not his, so he couldn’t do that. Which meant he had to find a way around this. He sighed.

“Look. Ju is going through… some stuff. I found a way to help him with the whole stress thing, but it’s something he has to work on. And… well, he asked me not to tell anyone about it. At least for now.”

He said, figuring being honest was the best policy. Seoho nodded in understanding. Geonhak didn’t seem so pleased.

“We’re a team, hyung. Shouldn’t we…?”

Youngjo knew this had more to do with the very obvious crush Geonhak had on Dongju than with them being a group, but he decided to not point that out.

“Ju is working through it, Hak. Really. He’s… coming to terms with a few things and he needs time.”

Geonhak pouted.

“Ok.”

He said, begrudgingly. Youngjo smiled.

“But again, hyung. Why is he avoiding you?”

Youngjo shook his head.

“Because he’s a stubborn little thing, that kid. And he won’t listen to me. But I’ll talk to him soon, whether he wants me to or not.”

The other two laughed.

“Seems like you’re really giving him time and letting him process stuff, hyung.”

Teased Seoho. Youngjo snorted.

“You would side with me if you knew the whole story. But you don’t, so shut that cute little mouth of yours and go get Ju. We need to keep practicing,”

Seoho stuck his tongue out at Youngjo, but got up anyways, going after their rebellious maknae.

Youngjo gave himself a mental pat in the back as he spotted Dongju in the bathroom, combing his hair. He had made a point of paying attention to the boy’s habits, and had found out that Dongju preferred to shower on his own without interruptions, and often opted to be the last to shower to achieve that. Which was how he managed to get the boy alone one night, giving Dongju no chance to escape.

“Ready to talk?”

He said, from the door. Dongju squeaked and turned around, face growing red as he looked at the floor.

“I-I need to shower, hyung.”

Youngjo snorted.

“Your hair is wet, Dongju. I can see you just showered.”

Dongju pouted.

“But…”

Youngjo interrupted him.

“Come on. Hyung will comb your hair for you as we talk, ok?”

Dongju sighed in defeat and let Youngjo pull him to his room.

They settled on the bed, Dongju sitting with his back to Youngjo. The older positioned himself close to the maknae, grabbing Dongju’s hairbrush and starting to brush his hair carefully. He made a mental note to do that to little Dongju, because the boy clearly enjoyed the feeling.

“Ok, now please explain to me why is it that you’re avoiding me.”

He said. Dongju sighed.

“I’m embarrassed.”

He said, and Youngjo smiled to himself as he noticed how easily the words came out. His plan of having Dongju face away from him surely worked.

“About what?”

He asked. Dongju whined.

“The… that thing.”

He said. Youngjo hummed.

“You mean the fact that I put you in a diaper or the fact that you needed it?”

He asked. Dongju hid his face in his hands. He didn’t reply for a while, then he took a deep breath.

“Hyung. Would you… would you hate me or think I’m too weird… if I said… if I said I did it on purpose?”

Youngjo blinked, hands stopping on Dongju’s hair. A second later he resumed his task.

“You… wet yourself on purpose?”

He asked just to make sure he had understood correctly. Dongju whimpered, pressing his hands harder against his face.

“I’m weird, I’m sorry.”

He rushed out. Youngjo put a hand on the younger’s shoulder.

“Ju. You’re not weird. Get that into your head. Can you tell hyung why is it that you did that?”

Dongju squirmed in place, then turned to Youngjo, moving closer and burying his face on the older’s chest.

“It was really warm in bed and I didn’t want to get up, and I felt really safe in hyung’s arms, and… and I was wearing it anyways, so I figured… I shouldn’t have, I’m sorry, hyung.”

He said. Youngjo caressed his hair.

“Ju, it really is no big deal. And it isn’t wrong either. As far as I know, your headspace is all about allowing you to do things you normally wouldn’t do because of your adult consciousness. That is included there. It may not have been a natural reaction of your body, but it was still a psychological thing. You let yourself act like your body wanted to. Which is the whole point of your regression.”

Dongju risked a shy look at the older.

“Hyung isn’t… creeped out?”

Youngjo shook his head.

“Get it into that thick little head of yours that nothing you do while in headspace will make me think differently of you, Ju. If you want to suck on your pacifier you can, if you want to have toys to bite on you can, if you want to drool you can, and if you want to wear diapers and use them you absolutely can. I bought them for a reason.”

Dongju seemed to think about his words for a moment, then he snuggled closer to Youngjo.

“Can hyung tell Ju a story again?”

He asked softly, and Youngjo was a bit taken aback at the fact that Dongju had slipped into headspace so easily and seamlessly.

“Oh. Of course, Ju. But just one, ok? Then you need to go to sleep.”

Dongju nodded, clearly already feeling sleepy. His thumb made its way to his mouth and Youngjo figured letting the boy suck on his thumb just this once wouldn’t really be a big deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a shorter chapter, guys, I'm sorry :( but I hope you like it, and I promise I won't take too long to post the next one!!
> 
> Anyways, your comments are, as always, v much appreciated ^.^ hope you enjoyed the chapter!!!


	10. Chapter 10

Dongju sighed, facing Doondoongie.

“Yesterday was nice.” He whispered to the bear, even though he was alone in the room. Doondoongie only stared back at him. “And the other time too. I had fun with Youngjo hyung. It was really nice. But then when I got out of headspace I felt this weird feeling in my belly… I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like my belly was twisting, felt like I had done something wrong. I felt it the first time hyung took care of me too. The first time I knew what he was doing, that is.”

He knew Doondoongie wouldn’t reply. It was a stuffed toy, after all. But Dongju needed to talk about that to someone, and he didn’t have anyone else to talk to about this. Doondoongie wouldn’t answer, but he could listen to Dongju’s worries. Maybe voicing them would be enough to help Dongju understand them.

It had been good to regress. Youngjo had taken really good care of him, and Dongju was still feeling very soft about the fact that the older had gotten him presents for his first official time regressing. He had actually looked up things to buy for Dongju, he had bought them for him. And they were all really nice, too. The Frozen blanket was soft and made Dongju feel warm and cosy, the Polly set was something Dongju had always wanted as a kid but had never gotten because he was a boy, and the pacifier… well, Dongju’s extreme oral fixation was enough to explain why that had been his favourite present.

So Dongju didn’t regret regressing, he had done it again already – although he hadn’t intended to that second time –, and definitely wanted to regress more in the future. Even if the memory of Youngjo seeing him in a wet diaper after his nap was still embarrassing – the conversation with the older had helped, but only so much.

But he couldn’t get rid of that weird feeling on his belly. Well, not of the feeling, the actual sensation had passed within half an hour; but the memory was still there. And what was making Dongju upset was the fact that he didn’t quite understand it, or why it had happened. Why did it feel like he had done something wrong? Regressing didn’t feel wrong. It felt really nice. And Youngjo had assured him there was nothing wrong with it. So why?

“Dongju! Come help out, brat!”

Dongju sighed, pouting. He knew sooner or later Hwanwoong would notice he hadn’t done the dishes and scream for him to do it. He climbed down from his bed, making sure Doondoongie stayed covered, because it was cold. He could go back to thinking about his problems later. Once he avoided getting yet another ear pulling from Hwanwoong. 

Dongju didn’t actually go back to thinking about it. He pushed it to the back of his mind to think about later and then forgot, because it really was no big deal. Instead, he started paying attention to himself, trying to figure out his headspace. He looked stuff up online, finding forums with discussions about age regression; he read about triggers and fun activities for littles, and just overall researched a lot. He had done some research when Youngjo first presented the idea of age regression to him, but back then he had been trying to figure out what it was. Now he just wanted to immerse himself in it.

“Hyung. How old do you think I am in headspace?”

He asked Youngjo, after reading a bit on little ages. Youngjo looked at him with a curious look and a soft smile.

“I don’t know, Ju. How old do you feel?”

Dongju sat next to the older on the couch, mindlessly chewing on his shirt’s sleeve.

“Well… I think it depends. I feel really young when I’m sleepy. And a bit older when I’m not sleepy. But I also felt really little that day I slipped on accident.”

Youngjo hummed.

“I don’t think you need to have a fixed age, Ju.”

Said the older. Dongju hummed.

“I know. But I just…”

He squirmed, trying to find a way to explain to Youngjo what he was thinking.

“You just…?”

Prompted the older. Dongju huffed.

“Ilikebeingyounger.”

He spit out. The older looked at him.

“You don’t expect me to understand that, do you?”

He asked. Dongju pouted.

“I… prefer being younger. Around… maybe three? Actually, I don’t think the word is prefer, I just… feel more comfortable when I feel younger.”

Youngjo put his computer away, now giving Dongju his full attention.

“Can you explain that better, Ju?”

Dongju thought for a moment, trying to put his feelings into words.

“I was reading about little ages and how littles behave. And I noticed… I noticed most of my habits are common in younger littles. Like… the biting and the hitting. And…” he stopped for a second, trying to put his thoughts in order. “I think I should… explain to you how it feels to regress, hyung.”

Dongju noticed Youngjo perking up.

“Please do, I’ve been curious about that.”

Dongju chuckled, then licked his lips, trying to think of how to explain the feeling to the older.

“I think… the difference between when I feel little and when I don’t is how I view the world? Kind of? And the things I think about. Like, when I feel little it’s like certain things become harder. Like eating on my own. Or talking. Showering. Basic stuff. All of that feels really difficult to do. But it’s not like I can’t do them. I absolutely can. Now, if I let myself regress, then I can’t anymore. But I’m still aware that I could, if I wanted to? But my mind doesn’t want to think of that, I get really grumpy if I think of doing ‘grown up stuff’. I don’t know how to explain it properly, I’m probably not making any sense.”

Youngjo shook his head.

“No, actually, I think I understand.” Dongju tilted his head. “It’s less like completely forgetting you are an adult for a period of time and more like letting yourself act the way you want?”

That lit a light bulb on Dongju’s head. He nodded.

“Yes! It’s like… I don’t feel any different when I’m feeling like I might slip, but if I see a toy I get more excited than usual, and if I want to eat I want someone to feed me. I only feel like that when I feel little. And then when I actually slip I let myself act like that.”

Youngjo hummed.

“So it’s just a change in how you react to things.”

Dongju nodded eagerly.

“That’s it, hyung.”

Youngjo smiled sweetly at him, a smile that made Dongju squirm, feeling the exact thing he had just described creeping up on him. The feeling of wanting to let himself be small and young again.

“Ok. And what does that have to do with your little age?”

Dongju hummed, noticing he was starting to feel little from the fact that forming sentences seemed to be becoming a problem.

“Hm, when I feel little I get excited about stuff for younger kids? I, I think I try to act a bit older, but if I really let myself slip I would be younger.”

Youngjo nodded.

“Why don’t you let yourself be as young as you want, then?”

Dongju mused for a second, then shrugged.

“It’s kinda scary.”

He answered. Youngjo smiled at him and ruffled his hair.

“You don’t have to be scared, hyung will be here to take care of you.” He said. Then he smiled as Dongju leaned into his touch. “You’re feeling little right now, aren’t you?”

Dongju blushed, looking down.

“Kinda.”

Youngjo chuckled.

“Come on, let’s get you changed and then we can cuddle for a bit.”

Dongju smiled widely, taking the hand Youngjo was offering.

Once Dongju had been changed into more comfortable clothes, they settled on Youngjo’s bed again. It was warm and nice. Dongju sighed happily, nosing Youngjo’s neck like a kitten as he made himself comfortable. The older laughed.

“Oh, it seems like my baby is a kitten?”

He said. Dongju giggled, quietly meowing. It made Youngjo laugh and kiss his cheek, which just made Dongju that much happier.

“What pretty hyung do?”

He asked, putting the string of Youngjo’s hoodie on his mouth. Youngjo softly took the string from his mouth.

“No chewing on that, Ju. Your pacifier is right there, baby.”

He said. Dongju pouted.

“Far.”

He said. Youngjo rolled his eyes, getting up. Dongju whined and complained, but Youngjo ignored him, going back a moment later and handing Dongju his pacifier. The boy stared at it, torn between taking the soother and pouting to show he was upset about Youngjo standing up. He really wanted his pacifier, but Youngjo couldn’t just leave him like that.

“Juju, the faster you accept it, the faster hyung can lie back down with you.”

Said the older. This was enough for Dongju to make up his mind. He opened his mouth, closing it around the pacifier, and hummed happily. If always felt really good to have something on his mouth, and the pacifier just filled it perfectly, and it also had a nice texture, which made things even better.

“Cuddle?”

He asked, looking up at the older. Youngjo smiled at him and lay back down. Dongju immediately went back to clinging to him.

“See? Wasn’t so hard, was it?” Dongju rolled his eyes. Youngjo hyung had no idea. “Hyung is mixing a song.”

Dongju blinked, looking at the older’s computer.

“Ju help?”

Youngjo looked at him, then at his computer. Then he quickly clicked a few things and moved so that they were sitting up and Dongju was between his legs.

“You have to be careful, ok, Juju?” Dongju nodded, eager to see what he could do. Youngjo put one of the earphones on his ear and then started explaining things to Dongju. “You choose the instrument here, and then you can choose the beat, and…”

Dongju just sucked on his pacifier, staring at Youngjo’s finger moving across the screen without really listening to the words the older was saying. They didn’t make much sense to him, anyways. When Youngjo stopped talking, Dongju looked at him. Youngjo gestured towards the keyboard. Dongju risked pressing a random key and giggled as a piano sound rung in his ear. He immediately pressed another one, squealing at the new sound, and soon he was pressing many keys at the same time, enjoying his play.

He could feel Youngjo laughing behind him, because he could feel the older’s chest rumbling. It was a nice feeling.

“P’etty hyung, look! Ju make music! Like hyung!”

Youngjo nodded at him.

“Very good, Ju. Do you want to record any of that?”

Dongju nodded. Of course he wanted to record it.

“Ju make for hyung.”

He said. Youngjo smiled at him.

“Ok, you can start.”

Dongju focused really hard, pressing the keys he thought had the prettiest sound, because his hyung deserved only the prettiest sounds. Once he was done he smiled at Youngjo.

“Hear.”

He demanded. Youngjo chuckled and pressed play. Dongju sucked on his pacifier intently, waiting for Youngjo’s response. Once the song was over, he looked at the older. Youngjo smiled.

“This is really good, Juju. It’s perfect.”

He said. Dongju smiled, feeling proud and happy.

“Now Hakkie.”

He said, readying himself to create another masterpiece.

Dongju only noticed he was falling asleep when Youngjo ran a hand through his hair. He had played with the song making thingy for a long time before deciding he wanted to rest and cuddle. From then he had hugged Youngjo and just clung to him as the older worked on his own song. He hadn’t even noticed he was getting sleepy.

“Ju, you need to be big now.”

Said Youngjo, quietly. Dongju whined.

“No want.”

He said. Youngjo sighed.

“I know, Dongju, but you have to. We need to have dinner with the others soon.”

His full name and mention of the others was enough to pull Dongju out of headspace. He sighed, still hanging on to Youngjo. They stayed like that for a moment, then Dongju sighed again and sat up, taking his pacifier from his mouth.

“Thank you, hyung.”

He said, feeling shy now that he was no longer in headspace. Youngjo smiled.

“No problem. It was nice.”

Dongju smiled. Youngjo was a good caregiver, even if he hadn’t done much this time.

“I’ll go get ready for dinner.”

He said. Youngjo nodded. Dongju left the room.

Once outside, Dongju sighed. His belly was twisting again, and Dongju could at least tell the physical symptom was simply a reflection of something psychological. He frowned, trying to focus on it while he could still feel it, but it was hard. It was almost as if his brain refused to look at it up-close. It sucked, really, because he had been so calm and relaxed while regressed, and this feeling made him feel uneasy, which somehow dampened the effects of the regression.

Still, not long after he got distracted by changing and having dinner and the feeling was soon forgotten again. It was probably nothing. Maybe it was him getting used to regressing, or maybe it was just how it worked for him and he would always feel like that after regression. He could deal with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me trying to upload it in the few minutes I have before going to work... I have one sock on while I try to edit the text as quickly as I can, I've definitely made bad life choices.
> 
> But anyways, hope you liked the chapter, and as always, I love reading your comments ^.^


	11. Chapter 11

Not letting the others find out about his regression meant Dongju didn’t get to regress nearly as much as he wanted to. They were always together for practice and other schedules, and even when they had an afternoon or morning off they were usually too tired to do much other than lie around. Which meant finding alone time was hard.

On the bright side, the others babied Dongju on a daily basis. They played with him and fussed over him, asking if he had eaten, if he had rested, if he had drunk enough water. That made Dongju feel warm and happy. But it was a double-edged sword: as much as it helped Dongju feel like he was being taken care of, it also made him feel extremely close to slipping at times, and then it was very hard for him to fight the feeling away.

But Dongju didn’t mind it that much. He was happy with what he had. When they did find time to be alone, Dongju regressed very quickly, and Youngjo was a great caregiver. He cuddled Dongju, fed him, gave him bubble baths and just overall made him feel very loved and soft. To the point where Dongju didn’t mind regressing even if he still got that weird little feeling in his belly every time he got out of headspace.

He knew he should probably talk to Youngjo about that. He had looked it up on the forums he had found about age regression, but no matter how much he searched he hadn’t seen anyone mention it, ever. And that made him feel the problem was him. Was he doing something wrong? Was he just not good at regressing? Well, that couldn’t be it, because regressing felt really good and safe. So Dongju knew he should talk to Youngjo about it, especially when he started dreading getting out of headspace. But he didn’t.

In hindsight, Dongju should have known it would end up slipping out sooner or later. When he was regressed he really didn’t know how to hide things. He found that out when he came out of headspace once only to get the life squished out of him. All because he had told Youngjo him and the boys were the most important people in his life after Dongmyeong. The admission was true, but Dongju blushed at the thought of having voiced it, because it was something he preferred not to let the others know.

So, really, he should have known he would let this other thing slip. Little Dongju’s first instinct when something bothered him or made him uncomfortable was to tell Youngjo. Big Dongju’s too, honestly, but out of his headspace he could easily supress it. So one day when he was regressed and Youngjo told him it was time to be big again because the others would be home soon, Dongju pouted and refused.

“Don’ wanna.”

He mumbled. That wasn’t unusual. Dongju sometimes needed more regressing time than he got.

“I know you don’t, baby, but you have to.”

He said. Dongju felt a weird thing on his heart. He was scared. If he was big again than he would feel the bad thing in his tummy and he didn’t want to.

“No. Ju no want.”

He said, looking at Youngjo with the biggest puppy eyes he could muster. Youngjo sighed, putting a hand on his cheek.

“Ju, I know you don’t. But I really need you to be big right now, so we can clean everything up before the others are home.”

The mention of the others made Dongju stop for a moment. His eyes started to sting and he fought an internal battle.

“J-ju no want be big, ‘yung. No want, p’ease.”

He said. Youngjo frowned, then pulled Dongju to the couch.

“Ju, can you tell hyung why is it that you don’t want to be big?”

Dongju sniffled.

“When Ju big after little the’e’s wei’d feeling in tummy.”

He said, pointing at his stomach. Youngjo tilted his head.

“You get a weird feeling in your tummy when you get out of headspace?” He asked. Dongju nodded, hand reaching for his Frozen blanket so he could chew on it. As usual, it calmed him down at least a little bit. “Can you tell hyung about that feeling?”

He asked. Dongju shrugged.

“Feel weird. Scawy.”

Youngjo looked at him for a long moment, then sighed.

“Look, Ju, I really need you to be big right now. It’s ok, hyung will be here with you to keep the weird feeling away. Promise.”

Dongju chewed harder on his blanket, then sighed and pulled it from his mouth. He hid his face against Youngjo’s chest, feeling his headspace slip away slowly.

“Sorry, hyung.”

He said. Youngjo kissed the top of his head.

“Don’t apologize. Let’s put your stuff away and then we can talk, alright?”

Dongju nodded. He would rather not talk about this ever, but he knew he didn’t have a choice, now.

After putting away Dongju’s Polly set, pacifier and Doondoongie – Youngjo made a mental note to buy more stuff for the boy – the two of them made themselves comfortable on Youngjo’s bed. Youngjo let Dongju keep his Frozen blanket after a very sad look from the boy when Youngjo tried to take it away. Once they were settled, the older pulled Dongju against his chest and started running a hand through his hair, because he knew that calmed Dongju down.

“Ok. Are you feeling the weird feeling in your tummy right now?” He asked, softly. Dongju chewed on the blanket for a second, then nodded. “Can you describe it to hyung?”

Dongju sighed.

“I… I don’t know how.”

He said. Youngjo frowned. He hadn’t let it show, but he had been quite worried when Dongju refused to get out of headspace, and even more when the boy talked about feeling weird whenever he got out of headspace.

“Hum… is it a physical sensation or is it something more abstract?”

He asked.

“Both.” Answered Dongju. 

Youngjo nodded.

“Do you only feel it after getting out of headspace? Or are there other situations when you feel it?”

Dongju seemed to think for a while, then answered.

“Only after regressing. I-I think.” Youngjo tilted his head. If Dongju wasn’t sure then he had probably felt it on other occasions before, but didn’t quite recall. The boy spoke up again. “It’s… it’s so weird, hyung. It’s almost like a tingling feeling that starts in my tummy, but it’s not good tingling, it’s kinda like… kinda like what I imagine the physical sensation for shame would be?”

He said. Youngjo had to admit he was completely puzzled. He had no idea what Dongju was describing, and he had never felt that or heard anyone talking about feeling like that.

“Ju, I…” Dongju was looking at him with desperate eyes, clearly aware of the fact that Youngjo didn’t have an answer to his problem, and obviously on the verge of an anxiety attack. “Hey, look. I won’t lie to you and say I get what you’re saying and that I have a solution for your problem. I don’t. But you don’t have to be scared, cause we’ll work through this together. No matter what, there definitely is a reason for you to be feeling like that. We just have to pay attention to it so we can find out what it is. So don’t be scared, and let me know every time you feel like that, ok?”

Dongju bit on his lip, but nodded.

“Ok, hyung.”

Youngjo sighed. Dongju looked really upset. He was holding his blanket tightly, face scrunched up, and he seemed to be trying to make himself as small as he could. Youngjo noticed, with a bit of surprise, that that last thing was an unconscious act. Dongju seemed to be trying to hide himself from the world without even noticing it.  
Deciding to figure the situation out as soon as he could, Youngjo put a hand on Dongju’s cheek.

“Ju.” The boy looked at him with teary eyes. Youngjo kissed the tip of his nose. “I love you, ok? We’ll figure it out.”

Dongju nodded.

True to his word, Dongju let Youngjo know whenever he felt the weird feeling in his stomach. At first it was only when he got out of headspace, and that freaked him out, because if he always felt that in the same exact situation and they still hadn’t figured out the reason, he didn’t see how they would in the future. But then one day he felt the same thing in a completely unexpected situation. The whole group was together, and they were talking about going to university and whether or not they had the intention of trying to balance idol life and a higher education.

Dongju didn’t have a clue what was it that linked that situation to him getting out of headspace, but he was glad they now had one more thing to consider when trying to figure it out. Youngjo seemed to be excited, too, and he even listed a few explanations that had crossed his mind. None of them seemed to be quite correct, but Dongju felt a lot safer noticing Youngjo was really in this with him.

In the end, however, it was something so absolutely unrelated to regression that made Dongju finally understand what the weird feeling in his belly was that it was almost laughable. Except the whole situation made Dongju want to cry and scream, so it wasn’t really that funny.

Being in the same group meant they were close. They were together all the time and consequently they shared most of their hardships and achievements. And that meant they were very comfortable with each other and talked about literally everything. Well, not everything, obviously. They did have stuff they kept to themselves. But they talked about every possible _topic_ there was. And that was how they found themselves, on a late Wednesday night, talking about sex and relationships.

Keonhee had been the one to start the conversation, because he had no shame at all. He simply sat down next to Hwanwoong on the couch and whined about going crazy from not having had “time to masturbate in ages”. It had made everyone stop and stare at him, and Keonhee had simply huffed.

“Come on, don’t act so innocent. We’re all guys and we’re all adults here. We can talk about sex.”

And then they had promptly started discussing about that.

It wasn’t the first time sex and relationships were a topic of discussion between them. They were, indeed, all adults and all guys, so it was a topic that sometimes came up. Not that Dongju thought girls didn’t talk about that, he was fairly sure they talked about it as much as guys, but anyways. The fact was that they had started talking and Dongju had stayed quiet, listening. And that was the whole problem: Dongju stayed quiet because he had nothing to say.

One would justify Dongju’s lack of knowledge on the topic with the fact that he was an idol. However, Dongju’s utter lack of experience with anything regarding romantic relationships and sexual intimacy had less to do with his career as an idol and more to do with the fact that Dongju was confused. About what? Everything. He was so confused that he didn’t even know what he was confused about.

When he and Dongmyeong turned thirteen, his twin had started showing interest in girls. He would come to Dongju saying that this or that girl in their school was hot or sexy, and they even had an awkward talk once when Dongmyeong first started having wet dreams. And Dongju… couldn’t relate at all. His friends clearly could. Soon, it wasn’t just Dongmyeong talking about girls all the time, it was their whole friend group, and since his friends and his own twin were suddenly talking about girls and sex _all the time_ , Dongju tried to see the world like them, desperately wanting to fit in.

He truly made an effort. He looked at every girl in their school and searched up porn, and he even prayed he would start seeing what his friends saw when they looked at that stuff. It didn’t work. He did get hard and he surely masturbated, but he just couldn’t understand the appeal in porn or girls.

After a long time trying to convince himself that he was just a late bloomer – and pretending he was just like his friends – Dongju became aware of the fact that maybe his lack of attraction towards girls was because he was gay. After the thought first crossed his mind it still took him a long time to explore it, because he really didn’t want it to be true. Eventually, however, he noticed supressing it wouldn’t make it go away and looked up gay porn. It was… significantly more appealing than straight porn, definitely, but it wasn’t really something Dongju enjoyed watching. He didn’t feel any kind of sexual attraction for the boys around him, either, or for any male idol.

And that was basically how Dongju went through his teenage years. He pretended he was into girls and sex, dated some girls only to break up with them after a few weeks and boasted about things he had never done. And now here he was, nineteen years old and the steamiest thing he had ever done was kiss a girl. Not even a make-out session, just a few basic kisses. And that was why he had nothing to add to the conversation and simply sat there and listened.

The first time they had ever, as a group, gotten into that topic, the boys had tried to get Dongju to talk. They had asked him about girlfriends and then boyfriends when they noticed how uneasy he looked. Youngjo had talked about his own boyfriends when he noticed Dongju still looked scared. And then, as Dongju still didn’t open his mouth to speak, they seemed to understand they wouldn’t get anything out of him and had let him be. On a few occasions after that one they had also tried to get him to talk, although much more gently, and then one day they had just given up, probably deciding he would talk when he felt comfortable.

Seoho had been sweet enough to ask him if he was uncomfortable with the topic, too. He had sat Dongju down, once, and asked Dongju if he felt uneasy when they talked about sex and stuff, and Dongju had awkwardly assured the older that no, he didn’t feel uncomfortable _listening_ to them. Seoho had insisted just to make sure and then had assured Dongju that he could talk when he was ready, or never talk about it if he didn’t want to, and had made Dongju promise he would speak up if he ever felt uncomfortable.

“It sucks that she got a boyfriend. Now I have no one to booty call.”

Dongju blinked as he heard Keonhee’s sentence. The others laughed. Dongju felt the weird tingly feeling in his stomach and at first he was so confused he didn’t even notice it was the same thing he had been feeling when he got out of headspace. Then Hwanwoong spoke up.

“You have no right to complain. Do you know how much harder is it to find a _guy_ to fuck when you’re an idol?”

And with that everything fell into place. Dongju suddenly got a flashback from a moment many years ago, a memory so distant it had practically disappeared. Dongju had been fourteen, and him and his friends had been playing with Pokémon cards when another one of his friends had rushed to them and excitedly announced he had gone on a date the night before. Immediately, the Pokémon cards had been abandoned and the guy had been showered with questions about his date. Who was the girl and what had they done? Had they kissed? Had they made out? Was she a good kisser? Were they dating now? Dongju had been the only one not to rush to the boy with curious questions. If he was being honest, he couldn’t care less about the boy’s date. He was happy for him, sure, but they were busy playing Pokémon, which was much more important.

Dongju remembered trying to interrupt the conversation and get his friends to pay attention to their game again, and then he remembered one of his friends telling him to stop being annoying because they were now talking about something much more interesting than some stupid Pokémon cards. And Dongju also remembered sitting there and looking at his friends and thinking there was something wrong with him. It was as if all of his friends were all tuned to the same radio station and he was tuned to a different one, and no matter how much he tried he couldn’t find their station. They were a group. And he wasn’t part of it. Back them, Dongju had gotten that exact same feeling in his stomach. And now, looking at all of it, Dongju finally had a name for that feeling: inadequacy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soon what did you guys think?? Did you like it?? A bit angsty, but not much, right?
> 
> Anyways, I feel like I need to warn you guys that I may update less often from now on. Got a new job and I'm currently a teaching assistant for a class of twenty five 6/7 year olds and it is a very draining job, so. I'll still try to update often, cause I love this story, but if I take long you now know why. (I literally get home and fall asleep instantly, that's how much they drain me)
> 
> As usual, I looooooove reading your comments, so leave them bellow ^.^


	12. Chapter 12

“Ju?”

Dongju blinked, noticing he had completely zoned out. Seoho had been the one to call his name, and he was looking at Dongju with a worried expression. Dongju didn’t blame him. He probably looked terrified or on the verge of crying. Or both.

“I-I…”

He tried to say, before swallowing around the lump on his throat.

“Are you ok? Do you need anything?”

Asked the older, quietly. The others were still talking, unaware of the situation.

“Y-youngjo hyung.”

Said Dongju. Seoho immediately nodded. He quietly moved closer to Youngjo and nudged him, then pointed at Dongju. The oldest looked over and frowned, and Dongju felt immensely guilty. Fuck, why was he like this? He should have stayed quiet and pretended he was fine instead of bothering Youngjo and Seoho. He was pathetic.

“Ju.”

Dongju looked up. He had zoned out again. Youngjo was standing next to him, offering a hand. Dongju took it with a sigh, and a moment later Youngjo was pulling him to his room.  
Once inside the older’s room, Youngjo pulled Dongju to sit on the bed. They settled down and Youngjo gave him a long look, before speaking up.

“Do you want your blanket, Ju?”

He asked. Dongju bit on his lip. Now everything made sense. The tingly feeling in his stomach finally made sense; Dongju always felt it when it became clear that he didn’t quite fit in like he was supposed to. And that was why he felt it after regressing. Because he wasn’t supposed, as a nineteen year old, to enjoy the things he did when regressed, it was yet one more thing that set him apart from people his age, from his friends.

Consciously, he knew there were other people like him and knew Youngjo – who was the only one who knew about him – would never judge him for this. He knew regressing was good for him, a healthy way to cope with stress. But no matter what, it was still something that made him incredibly _different_ from his closest friends, and that _hurt_. It made him feel inadequate, just like talking about sex, because it set him apart from everyone in a bad way.

He noticed he had spent too long staring into space when he felt something soft brushing his hands. He looked down. Youngjo had apparently decided Dongju’s decision-making skills were currently impaired and had gotten him his blanket even though Dongju hadn’t answered him. Dongju let out a shaky breath and grabbed the blanket, holding it tightly before noticing it was making him even more anxious.

This discovery brought tears to his eyes. His Frozen blanket had quickly become a comfort item for him not only when he was regressed, but also when there was something stressing him out in his daily life. Having it be the _cause_ of his anxiety hurt him a lot, and for a moment he wanted to tear everything apart and just disappear from the world. He didn’t. Instead, he pushed the blanket away.

Youngjo gave him a puzzled look and Dongju pulled a pillow closer, screaming into it. He was so fucking frustrated. He felt sick, angry and upset, and his favourite comfort items were unavailable – he knew his pacifier and Doondoongie would also just make him feel worse at the moment – and he had no idea how he would explain what he had figured out to Youngjo, because it would mean exposing so much to the older.

That was his biggest worry, at the moment. If he were to tell Youngjo he had figured out what the tingly feeling was, he would have to explain a lot of stuff. This weird little thing that had been bothering him actually wasn’t that little, and was rooted on Dongju’s biggest issue in life. And that's when Dongju started crying.

“Ju. Come here.”

Dongju noticed Youngjo had opened his arms, inviting him for a hug. Without even thinking, he moved closer to the older, and let Youngjo hug him as tightly as he wanted.

The feeling of someone hugging him, holding him, definitely helped ease some of his worries. His mind was still a mess, and he was still hurting a lot from his discovery, but Youngjo’s warmth and scent helped him stay grounded. He pulled himself closer to the older, and the two of them stayed like that for quite some time.

When Dongju let go, eyes already dry, Youngjo gave him a long look before speaking.

“Do you want to talk about it right now? Or do you want to work through it on your own first?”

Dongju bit on his lip. He wanted to work through it on his own, definitely. He did intend on telling Youngjo, but he had literally just discovered something really big about himself, and he couldn’t see himself telling it to someone else before even fully understanding it himself. He didn’t want, however, to be alone right now.

“Can we cuddle?”

He asked, and it was the first thing he said since requesting Youngjo. The older nodded.

“Of course. Let’s get changed and then we can go to sleep. You can sleep with me today.”

Dongju nodded. Youngjo smiled at him and headed to his closet, handing Dongju some clothes. Dongju looked at them and wondered if he could deal with being in someone else’s clothes right now. Then he figured it wouldn’t be a problem. He could even pretend to be someone else for a while. Someone who knew their place in the world. Someone who _had_ a place in the world. Putting on Youngjo’s clothes, he lay down.

Youngjo lay down next to him and opened his arms. Dongju shuffled closer and let the older envelop him in a hug. Closing his eyes, Dongju nuzzled the crook of Youngjo’s neck.

“Ju. I love you, ok?”

Dongju didn’t reply. If Youngjo felt the tears silently soaking his shirt he said nothing about it.

Dongju barely slept. He spent the whole night thinking about what he had found out the night before. Suddenly, a million and one situations during which he had felt the tingly feeling in his belly came back to him, and each one of them made him feel worse and worse. They were all cruel evidences of the fact that Dongju didn’t fit in, never had.

Being a twin meant that since birth, Dongju had been compared to someone else. It wasn’t on purpose, but when you have two nearly identical people it gets hard not to compare them. Their parents did it, the rest of the family did it, their teachers did it and even their friends. And, consequently, Dongju did it. He knew Dongmyeong did, too. It was impossible not to. And comparing himself to Dongmyeong was just another way for Dongju to see just how much he _didn’t_ fit anywhere.

It wasn’t Dongmyeong’s fault, obviously. He was just more outgoing and friendly, and he fit most of society’s standards. But that made Dongju’s incapacity to fit in even more obvious; so obvious, Dongju had no idea how he had not noticed for all of these years.

When Youngjo’s alarm rang, Dongju pretended to be asleep. He felt the older shifting in bed, and then Youngjo kissed his cheek softly before getting up. Dongju waited for the sound of his steps to fade and opened his eyes, dreading the conversation they would have to have soon. He got up, heading to his room to get his clothes for the day.

Seoho was in there, getting ready. When Dongju walked in, he gave the younger a big smile. It was sweet as always, but Dongju could see the edge of worry on the boy’s eyes.

“Morning, Ju. Did you sleep well?”

Anyone who looked at Dongju at the moment would know the answer to that question was ‘no’, and Dongju knew that, but he just smiled back.

“Yeah.”

He replied. Seoho’s smile fell a little, but he nodded.

“Good.”

The silence stretched before them as they stared at each other. Dongju didn’t know what either of them was waiting for.

“Uhn, guys? Are you good?”

Dongju blinked. He had been so lost in thought he hadn’t even noticed Hwanwoong walking in.

“We’re fine, Woong. What did your boyfriend make for breakfast today?”

Asked Seoho. Hwanwoong blushed.

“Youngjo hyung isn’t my boyfriend.”

He complained. Seoho smiled.

“I never said hyung’s name.”

Teased him. Hwanwoong’s face grew redder and he stomped out of the room, complaining about annoying friends. Seoho’s smile only lasted until the younger was out of sight. Then he approached Dongju and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Ju. I love you, ok?”

And with that he left.

Dongju sighed and resumed the task of getting his things to go shower.

The day was long, like usual, but Dongju could tell Youngjo was trying to keep their practice slow. He asked for breaks more often than he usually did, and Seoho seemed to catch on, because at some point he started doing so to. Dongju knew the others wouldn’t even think twice about it. Every day was different for them; sometimes they all had it in themselves to go to their very limit, sometimes they slacked off a bit, it really depended on the day. But Dongju wondered if the reason behind it that day was that he didn’t want Dongju to get completely physically exhausted on top of the obvious emotional distress he was under.

His suspicions were confirmed when Youngjo suggested they end practice a little earlier. He mentioned wanting to go and practice individually, because he wanted to improve on a few specific areas. The others seemed to like the idea, and soon they were heading out to go to other practice rooms. Youngjo too headed out, gesturing for Dongju to follow. Logically, the others would assume the two of them had gone to one of the practice rooms in the company to practice their singing, rapping or whatever else. As soon as they were around the corner, however, Youngjo stopped and looked at Dongju.

“Want to talk?”

He asked. Dongju sighed. Not really, he didn’t want to talk. But he would have to, sooner or later, so why not right now?

“I figured out what the thing I was feeling was.”

He said, so quietly he wondered if the older had heard. Youngjo raised an eyebrow. So he had.

“You don’t seem too happy about it.”

Dongju bit on his lip. It was a conflicting situation. On one hand it was great to finally be able to put a name to the feeling. Now that he knew what it was he could try to understand it better and possibly work to overcome the problem. On the other hand… it had opened a can of worms Dongju wasn’t even aware existed, and had brought forth issues Dongju had so deeply repressed he didn’t even remember he had them in the first place.

“I…”

He hesitated. Youngjo put a hand on his arm.

“Hey, let’s go home first. Then we can talk more comfortably. Ok?”

Dongju nodded. He didn’t see how being more comfortable would help, but at least at home there was no risk of anyone interrupting them.

They walked in silence, entered their apartment in silence and basically didn’t speak a word until they were under the covers, on Youngjo’s bed.

“Ok.” Said Youngjo. “So, you found out what the feeling was, but you’re not happy about it.”

He said. Dongju sighed.

“It’s… I’m not unhappy about it.”

He said. Youngjo frowned.

“What does that mean?”

He asked.

“It means I’m glad I have a name for the feeling, but…”

He couldn’t put the rest of his thought into words. Youngjo seemed to notice, because he grabbed Dongju’s hand and squeezed it.

“Hey, let’s go one step at a time, ok?” Dongju nodded. “You said you now have a name for what you were feeling. What is the name?”

Dongju struggled to push the words out.

“I feel inadequate.”

He managed to say. Youngjo seemed taken aback, as if he had been expecting anything but that.

“Inadequate?” Dongju shrugged. “Do you always feel like that, Ju? Or only on the situations we talked about?

Dongju shrugged again, then sighed.

“I feel like that all the time.” Youngjo looked at him, and Dongju could tell the older had no idea how to react to what he was hearing. “I-I, sometimes it’s almost unnoticeable. Most of the time.”

Youngjo shook his head.

“Why do you feel like that, Ju?”

Dongju bit on his lip. From now on he would be talking about things he hadn’t even told Dongmyeong.

“I just feel like I don’t fit in, hyung.”

He said, because that was the simplest way of putting it. Youngjo was looking at him and his eyes held a sort of pain Dongju hadn’t been expecting. He looked down.

“Even with us? You feel like you don’t belong with us?”

That made Dongju stop to think. He looked back on the time he had spent with the boys, and yeah, it was definitely different from what he had previously experienced.

“I… not all the time. Nowadays I usually don’t feel inadequate with you guys, but I… hyung, the first time I ever felt like I belonged somewhere was after meeting you guys. Before that I was always the odd one out.”

Youngjo nodded at him, seeming to understand.

“But with us you do feel like you belong, right? You only feel inadequate because you’re not used to fitting in. Right?”

Wrong. Despite indeed feeling more like he had a place with them, Dongju still felt weird at times.

“I… sometimes it still feels like I’m too different to really fit in. even with you.”

Youngjo pressed his lips into a thin line, then sighed.

“Ju, think of it like this. Imagine you’re putting together a puzzle. If all the pieces are the same, will the puzzle work?”

Dongju frowned.

“No.”

Youngjo nodded.

“It won’t. You only need on top right corner to make a puzzle. If you have six pieces that are the same, five of them will be useless. The pieces have to be different for the puzzle to be complete.” Dongju was trying to understand where Youngjo was going with that metaphor. “The same happens with friendship groups, or any type of group. If everyone is the same, the group doesn’t work. Everyone needs to be different and bring something new to the table, so that the group can truly work. So it’s not bad to be different. It’s actually really good. If you were the same as Hwanwoong it wouldn’t make sense for you to be in the group. If I were identical to Seoho, why would I need to be here?”

Dongju bit on his lip. What Youngjo was saying did make sense, but…

“But there’s a difference between being different and being weird.”

He said. Youngjo shrugged.

“Of course there is, but you’re no more weird than any of us. Everyone is a little weird, Ju, because ‘normal’ is a concept that’s too… empty. There are a thousand definitions of what is normal, it depends on culture, beliefs and a bunch of other things.” He said. “Whenever you feel like you’re too weird to fit in with us, think about that.”

Dongju sighed, but he nodded.

“Ok, hyung.”

It did make sense, and Dongju knew he only felt inadequate with the others because of years of feeling left out in other groups, other situations. But there was more that they needed to discuss, and Youngjo clearly knew that.

“I’ll help you with that, don’t worry. Now, there are situations when you feel more inadequate, right? Yesterday…” The way Dongju cringed made Youngjo stop immediately. “We can talk about that last, if you prefer.”

Dongju nodded.

“Please.”

Youngjo squeezed his hand.

“Ok. Then let’s talk about the other day. When we were talking about going to university.”

Dongju sighed.

“I just felt out of place. All of you are older than me. Even Woong hyung and Keonhee hyung are two years older than me, and you were all talking about university and all that, and I’m still in school.”

Youngjo frowned.

“There’s nothing wrong with that, Ju. Even if you’re not going to university now, you can still participate. You’re on your last year of school, you already think about whether or not you want to go to university, and what course you would want to take.”

Dongju bit on his lip.

“I guess…”

Youngjo smiled.

“And all of us are out of the ordinary in this topic. If I decided to enrol on a course I would be older than most of the students who are fresh out of school. And maybe I would be younger than a few others. Maybe someone who became a mom too early and couldn’t go to university before. Someone who didn’t have the money to pay a course before and now they can.”

Dongju nodded.

“I guess you’re right.”

Youngjo chuckled.

“I usually am.” For the first time since the day before, Dongju smiled. “And when you get out of regression?”

Dongju’s smile died right there.

“I… I think it’s just because it’s something that… that sets me apart from everyone. Apart from other people my age, cause I like things I’m not supposed to, and apart from you guys.”  
Youngjo seemed to consider it for a while, before he spoke.

“You do know there are other people who do age regression, right?”

Dongju nodded.

“I know. But it’s just one more thing that makes me too different from people I should have a lot in common with.”

Youngjo sighed.

“So it’s the same thing we talked about before. You need to see that being different doesn’t mean you have to be separated from the group. Being different doesn’t mean being inferior. You can be different and still fit right in.”

Dongju shook his head.

“It’s not so easy, hyung.”

Youngjo nodded.

“I know. But again, try to look at it like this. Each one of us brings something different to our group. Do you know what you bring?” Dongju shook his head. “Happiness.”

Dongju blinked and stared at Youngjo.

“W-what?”

Youngjo smiled.

“It’s exactly what you heard, Ju. You’re childlike and innocent at heart, and that makes interacting with you a great experience. The way you have fun with the smallest things and laugh at the silliest stuff makes everyone feel immediately happy when they’re near you. Even when you’re pouty and fussy, you make us want to take care of you and cheer you up, and that makes being near you amazing. We’re always cheery and happy when you’re around.”

Dongju could only stare, not even aware of the fact that his eyes were filling up with tears. He had always heard he was too childish, and that that was a bad thing. And yet, here Youngjo was, saying that was the best quality Dongju had.

“Hyung…”

He said, Youngjo pulled him into a hug.

“I really do mean this, Ju. Your innocence and childlike personality are what keeps us going on our worst days. When we’re all tired and on the verge of giving up and you laugh at something as simple as someone covering their face with a towel, we immediately feel like things aren’t that bad and we have the strength to keep going. And that has relation to your regression. You regress because that’s who you are. You’re naturally innocent and childlike.”

Dongju pulled himself closer to Youngjo, burying his face on the older’s neck.

“You can’t say stuff like that.”

He managed to say through the tears rolling down his face. He didn’t even know why he was crying. It was just too much, he wasn’t used to being praised, to feeling important.

“Why can’t I say the truth?”

Dongju whined and hit Youngjo as softly as he could.

“Stop, hyung.” Youngjo laughed, letting Dongju cry as much as he wanted. After a few minutes, Dongju pulled back, wiping his face on his shirt. “Sorry.”

Youngjo shook his head.

“You don’t need to apologize. Now, yesterday…” Dongju immediately tensed. “Ju, if you don’t want to talk about it…”

Dongju shook his head.

“It’s just hard.”

It was, but he really wanted to talk about this. Because maybe, just maybe, Youngjo had the answers Dongju had been desperately looking for his whole life.

“Ok. Can you tell me what made you feel inadequate last night?”

Dongju bit on his lip.

“I always feel like that when you talk about… about sex and all that, cause I have nothing to add to the conversation.”

Youngjo looked at him for a moment.

“Because you’ve never had sex?”

Dongju felt his cheeks heating up.

“That too, but it’s… more than that. The farthest I’ve ever gone with anyone was kissing.”

He explained. Youngjo shrugged.

“That’s no big deal, Ju. Everyone has their time.”

Dongju groaned.

“That’s not the problem, though. It’s just… the problem is the _reason_ I’ve never done anything.”

Youngjo seemed confused, now.

“The reason? And what is the reason?”

Dongju huffed.

“I don’t know!”

He knew getting frustrated wouldn’t take him anywhere, but he really hated thinking about this. Youngjo looked at him for a moment, then nodded.

“Ok, how about I ask you questions and you just answer?”

Dongju sighed and nodded. At this point he would take any chance not to talk.

“So, the farthest you’ve ever gone was kissing. Girls or boys? Or both?”

The answer to that one was easy.

“Girls.”

He said.

“Did you like kissing girls?”

Dongju shook his head.

“Have you ever thought about kissing boys?”

Dongju nodded.

“Would you like to kiss boys?” Dongju hesitated. He didn’t know how to answer that. Youngjo seemed to notice. “You don’t know if you would like to kiss boys?”

Dongju nodded. They were silent for a while, Youngjo seeming to be thinking hard.

“Have you ever wanted to kiss boys? You said you thought about it, but have you ever _wanted_ to kiss boys?”

Dongju struggled again, then bit on his lips.

“Not… boys.”

He said, hoping Youngjo would be able to understand what he meant and put the information in an actual sentence that made sense. Youngjo frowned.

“Not boys? Then…” he seemed to suddenly understand something. “Then… a boy? Only one. Have you ever looked at a boy and thought you would like to kiss him?”

Dongju finally nodded.

“Yes.”

He answered. Youngjo nodded, and he seemed to have understood something.

“Ok. Ok, that makes sense.”

Dongju frowned.

“It… does?”

Youngjo nodded.

“Ju. Is the reason you feel weird when we talk about sex because you feel uncomfortable hearing about sex?”

Dongju shook his head.

“No.”

Youngjo nodded.

“Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone, before?”

Dongju was about to deny, when he noticed the way Youngjo had worded his question. He had asked if Dongju had ever wanted to have sex with someone, not if he wanted to have sex with boys or girls. And Dongju had. Once, only once. But he had wanted to have sex with a person before.

“Yes.”

He answered, not even caring about how much he was exposing himself, making himself vulnerable. Youngjo hummed.

“The reason you feel uncomfortable when we talk about sex… is it because you don’t know how to participate?”

Dongju frowned.

“What do you mean, hyung?”

Youngjo took his hand, and Dongju noticed he was shaking.

“You feel weird because if you were to talk you wouldn’t know what to say. We don’t talk about our experiences, only. We talk about things we like in a partner, things we would enjoy when we have sex. You could participate in that part, at least, talk about the things you might enjoy. But you don’t, because you don’t know what you would enjoy, because you’re still confused about your sexuality, about what you like and don’t like.”

Dongju could only stare. Youngjo had really just taken all of Dongju’s worries of a lifetime and talked about them as if they were completely normal. They weren’t. How could a boy his age not know those things?

“I, this… hyung how… how can I…?”

Youngjo pulled him closer, and the proximity did help him calm down a bit.

“Breathe. First of all, before you say anything, it’s not weird not to know your sexuality, to be unsure about it. Our society makes it very hard for non-straight people to understand what they’re feeling. And that’s for gay people. Which is not your case, you’re not exactly gay, I think. Your situation is even harder.”

Dongju frowned.

“What do you mean?”

He asked. Youngjo smiled at him softly.

“Ju, what can someone be, in terms of sexuality?”

Dongju frowned.

“Gay or straight. Or bisexual.”

Youngjo hummed.

“Have you ever heard of pansexuality? Or maybe asexuality?”

Dongju frowned. He had never heard either those terms before.

“No?”

Youngjo nodded.

“I figured. You said you’ve wanted to have sex with someone before. So you’ve felt sexual attraction before. To how many people?”

Dongju bit on his lip.

“One.”

He whispered.

“Was it a close friends of yours?” Dongju could only stare and nod. “Here, let me show you something.”

Dongju watched as Youngjo reached for his phone and typed something on the search bar. They waited in silence for whatever Youngjo was looking for to load, and then Youngjo handed Dongju his phone. There was a big chunk of text on the screen.

“What…?”

He asked. Youngjo gestured towards the phone.

“Read it. Then tell me if you identify with what is written.”

Dongju looked back at the phone.

As he read the text, he felt his eyes widening. Dongju had spent his whole life thinking he was broken. When all of his friends were talking about girls and sex he had tried to see what they saw. He tried to look at people he found pretty and feel sexually attracted, and it had never worked, not even when he tried with boys. After some time, he had concluded that he was broken. Something probably hadn’t developed properly in him and now he was unable to function like a normal human being. Then one day he had looked at Geonhak, about a year after knowing the boy, and he had, for the first time, understood what it was like to feel sexually attracted to someone. And then he was even more confused.

And now he was reading a text describing exactly what he had always felt, and Dongju couldn’t even begin to explain even one of the hundreds of feeling he was feeling at the moment. He looked at Youngjo.

“Is, is this really a thing? Do people really…?”

Youngjo nodded.

“Do you feel like that, Ju? Like the person in that text?”

Dongju was on the verge of crying again.

“Yes.”

Youngjo smiled.

“As I said, it’s hard to be anything but straight in our society. Being gay and bisexual is hard, because we’re so badly represented, but there are sexualities that most people don’t even know exist. Demisexuality is one of them.”

Dongju’s mind was spinning. He had just gone from believing he was broken beyond repair to finding a person who could describe everything he had ever felt perfectly well. Suddenly, he even had a name for what he had always felt.

“Ju.” He looked up at Youngjo. “I think you should rest. We can talk more about this tomorrow, there’s no hurry to figure anything out. You don’t have to put a label on yourself right now. Or ever.”

Dongju blinked, noticing he was still shaking.

“I…”

He tried to say, but nothing came out. It was as if all of the energy on his body had suddenly been drained.

“We talked about a lot of difficult topics today. You’re probably exhausted. Why don’t we eat something and then you go to sleep? I’ll tell the others you weren’t feeling well. You can sleep in my room, today.”

The idea seemed great, but Dongju wanted more than to just eat and sleep. He looked at Youngjo.

“Can I…?”

He gesturing towards the box where Youngjo kept his little space stuff, letting the action complete his sentence. Youngjo smiled.

“Of course, baby. Come here.”

To say Youngjo was tired was an understatement. Talking about feelings was already hard and tiring, but talking about the things him and Dongju had discussed… if he was this tired, he could only imagine how much more drained Dongju was feeling. The boy had completely opened up to him. He had told Youngjo things about himself that surely weren’t easy to talk about. Things he had clearly been repressing for years, things he obviously didn’t want to look at up close. He had basically stripped himself of all his protections and showed Youngjo everything, let himself be completely vulnerable. Which was why he wasn’t surprised when Dongju slipped directly into a non-verbal state when he regressed.

The first thing Youngjo did was put a diaper and onesie on the boy – he had gotten Dongju more stuff on the last few days –, before heading to the kitchen. He heated up some leftovers, and then fed Dongju carefully, watching to see if he was chewing properly. Once that was done and Dongju’s teeth were brushed they headed back to Youngjo’s room and the older tucked Dongju in with his pacifier, blanket and Doondoongie. Dongju sighed contentedly, then made grabby hands at Youngjo. The older smiled.

“Precious little boy.” He said. He locked the door to the room and slipped into bed next to Dongju, letting the boy cling to him. Dongju hummed happily and nuzzled his neck, letting Youngjo wrap his arms around him. “I love you, Ju. So much.”

Dongju didn’t reply. He had already fallen asleep.

Sending a message to Seoho to tell him about Dongju being sick, Youngjo closed his eyes and fell asleep as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was kinda long, I think... did you guys like it?? Leave your comments bellow cause I love them ^.^


	13. Chapter 13

Dongju woke up and the first thing he thought was that he had been run over by a truck the day before. Then he remembered the talk he had had with Youngjo and his brain short-circuited for a moment, making him choke on his breath. The noise and movement were probably what woke Youngjo up – Dongju was so out of it he hadn’t even noticed they were sharing a bed – and a second later he was getting a kiss on the neck.

“Morning, Ju.” Said the older, and immediately Dongju felt more grounded. And then he noticed a few things, such as: he was in a onesie, he was wearing a diaper which was possibly wet, he was hugging his Frozen blanket, and there was a pacifier on his mouth. Oh. He had regressed the night before. He vaguely remembered that. “Ju?”

Dongju blinked, then looked at the older. With a blush creeping on his cheeks, he took out his pacifier and let go of his blanket.

“Morning, hyung. Can… can I go change?”

He asked. Youngjo smiled.

“I’ll leave to prepare breakfast. You can change here, and then later we can talk, ok?”

Dongju nodded. He was glad he would get a bit of time to himself.

His conversation with Youngjo, the day before, had drained him completely, to the point he felt like he was waking up from fainting. He definitely needed some time alone to think about what he had said and what he had heard, and the things he had discovered.

Youngjo kissed the top of his head and left the room. Dongju stayed in bed for a few minutes longer, then got up to get changed.

As he wrapped himself in a towel, after undressing, and got his clothes to go take a shower, he thought about the previous night. The situation was kind of funny, when he looked at it on the light of the day. When Dongju felt that little weird feeling on his stomach, after the first time he regressed properly, he was sure it was something caused by his regression. He had repressed his issue with being left out and feeling out of place constantly so badly that he hadn’t even recognized it when it peeked at him from another context.

Dongju bit on his lip, getting into the shower. He had talked to Youngjo about a lot. He had literally told the older about all of his fears and insecurities, and he had trusted Youngjo with basically his whole life. That was a scary thought to have. Dongju had always been the type to keep things to himself, and even Dongmyeong didn’t know a lot about his inner struggles. And now someone knew. It was out in the open, and that scared Dongju a little (it scared him a lot). Because Youngjo had seen Dongju at his worst. All of his flaws were exposed, and Dongju was scared maybe the older wouldn’t really like him anymore, now that he knew how much Dongju carried with him.

With a sigh, Dongju changed the track of his thoughts. The night before, Youngjo had also presented him to a new word. Demisexual. Dongju had feared he would forget it, but out of every memory he had of the previous night, this one was the clearest. He could even recall – word by word, almost – the text he had read, from a girl who was, apparently, demisexual. It was a whole new world opening up in front of him, and this part of their conversation made him a lot happier than the others.

Dongju had spent a big chunk of his life wondering if he truly was broken, because he simply didn’t understand what his friends meant when they said looking at this or that person made them horny. Then he had properly freaked out when on one peaceful day Geonhak entered their room fresh out of the shower, hair wet and only a towel around his waist, and smiled at him, making Dongju almost choke and his dick suddenly decide to greet him.

It made no sense. After years of convincing himself he was broken and that was ok – empty lies, he never felt ok about that – he had suddenly started working properly? Did it really have to be with Geonhak? Was he truly that much of a late bloomer? And the answer was no to that last one, because after that Dongju had rushed to look up idols he secretly crushed on and… no, still nothing. And now he knew why. Turns out there was an actual explanation as to why Dongju only felt like that around Geonhak. That eased at least half of Dongju’s worries in life.

“Son Dongju! You have five minutes to finish your shower and come out, or I’m going in!”

Dongju _did not_ scream. Quickly, he finished his shower, and just as he was getting out, towel wrapped around his waist, Hwanwoong entered the bathroom, like he had promised. Dongju grimaced at him.

“So punctual.”

Hwanwoong laughed.

“Always. Are you feeling better?”

Dongju blinked at him and they stared at each other for a moment, before Dongju’s brain caught up and he figured Youngjo must have told the others he was sick or something the night before.

“Yeah, I’m good, hyung.”

He said. Hwanwoong smiled.

“Good. You look a bit like you were run over by a truck, so I was worried.”

Dongju pouted.

“Hyung, that’s so mean.”

He whined, making Hwanwoong laugh.

“It’s ok, you still look cute. Now leave, I want to shower.”

Dongju stuck his tongue at him and left the room.

Practice was tiring, but Dongju could tell Youngjo was still somewhat holding back. Probably because Dongju did look like he had had a rough night. When they were done, the older threw his arm around Dongju’s shoulder. It wasn’t an uncommon scene, so no one even batted an eyelash as Youngjo leaned closer.

“If you want to talk, I’ll be in my room tonight. Told the others I’ll be working on a song, so they won’t interrupt us.”

Dongju bit on his lip.

“Hyung, I… I don’t want to take up all of your time.”

He said. He had to force the words out, but since their conversation the night before, Dongju knew there was very little he wouldn’t tell Youngjo. The older frowned.

“You’re not taking up all of my time. We talked about a lot yesterday, and you have a lot to figure out. Sometimes it’s good to have someone helping you out along the way.”

Dongju bit on his lip, but nodded.

“Ok, hyung.”

Youngjo smiled and ruffled his hair.

“And you can even regress after we’re done talking, if you want to.” Dongju opened his mouth to reply, but Youngjo was faster. “And just so you know, I’m saying this because I miss little you. Yesterday you were so tired I barely got to take care of you. I miss my little boy, so if you want to I would love to take care of you tonight.”

Dongju blushed at the words ‘my little boy’, but at the same he felt giddy. He tried hard to hide his smile, and he knew it didn’t work, but Youngjo was nice enough not to point it out.

“If you insist…”

He said. Youngjo laughed and ruffled his hair.

“Let’s go, we’ll get home, shower, eat something and then we can talk, ok?”

Dongju nodded and let Youngjo pull him by the hand. He didn’t notice Geonhak’s somewhat sad look as the older watched them from afar.

They got home and did exactly what Youngjo had said. Dongju showered alone, because the day had been calm and slow, and they were in no rush to get ready for bed. Once he was done he joined Youngjo on the kitchen, helping out with dinner, and then they ate along with Hwanwoong and Seoho. Once everyone was done, Youngjo announced, again, that he was heading to his room to write some. He also sent Hwanwoong a long look, and Dongju noticed the boy nod minimally. A bit weird, but Youngjo and Hwanwoong were weird all the time.

Dongju waited for a bit before following Youngjo. He helped with the dishes and lazed around for a while. Then, as Seoho headed to their room to look for Geonhak, Dongju got up and silently as he could and headed to Youngjo’s room.

He opened the door and hesitated. Youngjo was indeed working on a song, his production software open and a crease on his brows showcasing his concentration. But before Dongju could back out of their talk, the older spotted him and smiled. He saved his work and closed his laptop.

“I almost thought you weren’t coming.” He said. Dongju stuck his tongue at him and headed to sit next to the older. They were silent for a moment. “So. Anything you wanna talk about?”

Dongju chewed on his lower lip for a while, then nodded.

“Can… are there really people like that out there?”

He asked. He knew it was vague, but he figured Youngjo would understand.

“You mean demisexual people? Yes.”

Dongju turned to look at the older. He had a thousand questions, but he couldn’t focus enough to chose one.

“I… but isn’t it weird?”

He ended up asking. He had been thinking this issue over and over for the course of the day, and every time the one thought that kept coming back to him was ‘this is so weird’. Because it was weird. Only feeling attracted to a person after creating a connection with them? That meant he would only ever have crushes on his close friends, and wasn’t that weird?

“Why do you think it’s weird, Ju?”

Asked Youngjo, sounding like he already knew the answer. Dongju sighed.

“It just is. I mean, if I’m like that, then I’ll only ever like close friends, and that’s… weird. Isn’t it?”

Instead of replying, Youngjo gave him a teasing smile.

“So the person you like is a close friend, hm?”

Dongju felt his cheeks reddening at an alarming rate.

“Who says I like anyone, hyung?”

Youngjo chuckled.

“You. Yesterday you said you’ve felt attracted to someone before. Which means you like someone.”

Dongju pouted.

“I never said when that happened.”

He said. Youngjo nodded.

“You’re right. But you’re also blushing like crazy, which means…”

He wiggled his eyebrows and Dongju groaned, burying his face in his hands.

“Oh my god, I hate you, hyung.”

Youngjo laughed, then touched Dongju’s arm, pulling his hands away from his face.

“It isn’t weird to like your friends, Ju. See, let me give you an example. I like Hwanwoong. Do you think that’s weird?”

He asked. Dongju was a bit shocked. He had always thought Youngjo had a thing for Hwanwoong, but hearing the boy state it out loud like it was nothing was quite something else.

“Not really.”

He replied. Youngjo nodded.

“We’re close friends, though.” Dongju didn’t have an answer to that. “The thing is, Ju, that the only thing different, for you, is that you will never be interested in hook-ups and casual sex. Because those are solely driven by sexual attraction. But no one really dates someone that isn’t their friend. Maybe they meet the person and start seeing them before becoming friends, but to really date someone you have to get to know them, and in that process they end up becoming your friend. Whoever created the term ‘friendzone’ is stupid, because the person you date should always be your friend.”

Dongju took a minute to let all of that sink in. He figured Youngjo was right. No one met another person and started dating right off the bat. There was a process to that, of getting to know each other and becoming close.

“Oh.”

Youngjo laughed.

“Yeah, oh.”

Dongju looked at the older.

“Thank you, hyung.”

Youngjo seemed a bit taken aback, probably because of how sincere and intense Dongju had just sounded. Dongju didn’t care. He needed to let the older know how thankful he was.

“You don’t have to thank me, Ju.”

Dongju shook his head.

“I do. You have no idea how much you helped me, hyung. It’s like until yesterday I was drowning without even noticing, and now that I’m not anymore I can’t understand how I didn’t notice.”

Youngjo frowned, then pulled Dongju into a hug.

“Love you, Ju.” Dongju let himself be hugged. Once Youngjo let go, he smiled at the younger. “So. Did you consider my offer?”

Dongju chuckled.

“Yeah, hyung. I’ll do this sacrifice for you.”

Youngjo laughed.

“Stupid.”

Dongju smiled, then sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck.

“Can I have my paci?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello quarantine and hello time to write!!!! (let's see if I can find the motivation too....)
> 
> Anyways, guys, no little Ju this chapter, but!!!!!!! Next chapter will be entirely dedicated to Ju in headspace, yay!!!
> 
> Did you like this chapter? If you did leave a comment bellow, I love reading your comments <333333333


	14. Chapter 14

Youngjo smiled as he noticed Dongju was already regressed. It hadn’t taken much. First he had given the boy his pacifier – at Dongju’s request – and then his frozen blanket. Doondoongie was unavailable at the moment, since it was in Dongju’s room, but the boy didn’t seem to mind much as he snuggled with his blanket.

Then Youngjo had taken out the same onesie Dongju had worn the day before. It was a simple onesie; it was baby pink and the hood was a bunny with really long floppy ears. And the sight of that was what made Dongju slip. Although he had already seen – and worn – the onesie before, he hadn’t been in the right mindset to truly appreciate it. Now, however…

“Give!”

He squealed around his pacifier, making grabby hands. Youngjo chuckled.

“Hey, wait a second, baby. Do you need your diapers today?”

Dongju stopped to think for a moment, then nodded, already lying down. Youngjo smiled fondly. He loved taking care of Dongju. When he first found out about this whole thing he had been a bit sceptical. He had decided, from the beginning, that he would take care of Dongju, but he had expected to neither enjoy nor hate it. Boy, had he been wrong. It had taken him only one day with little Dongju to fall in love, and nowadays he caught himself wishing he could spend more time with the boy in headspace. It was a healing moment for him, and he loved the feeling of being needed and trusted so deeply.

As Dongju whined to get his attention, he shook his head, focusing back on the real world. He chuckled.

“Sorry, baby, hyung was distracted.”

Dongju hummed. Youngjo wondered if he had gone non-verbal again.

After dressing the boy up, Youngjo helped Dongju sit up. Dongju promptly grabbed his new onesie’s bunny ears and started rubbing them against his cheeks, giggling at the feeling. Youngjo laughed.

“Tickly.”

Said the boy, in-between giggles. Not non-verbal, then, but definitely in a younger headspace than usual. Youngjo reached down and pulled a box from under his bed. Dongju tilted his head, curious.

“Hyung got a few things for you, Ju. Do you wanna see some of them?”

Dongju’s eyes sparkled and he shifted closer to Youngjo, trying to peek into the box.

“Inside?”

He asked. Definitely a younger headspace. Youngjo chuckled.

“Yes, they’re inside the box.” He replied.

Looking inside the box, he chose something that would be adequate for the boy’s current age. The first thing he got out was a simple toy car. It was bigger than a normal toy car, light green with yellow wheels, and there was a string attached to it. A pull toy. Dongju squealed, reaching for the car. Youngjo gave it to him. Dongju immediately spit his pacifier and put the toy in his mouth, and Youngjo could only laugh, thanking his past self for thoroughly cleaning the toys beforehand.

“It’s not food, baby, it’s a toy.”

He said. Dongju ignored him, biting on the toy a few more times before putting it on the bed and pulling on the string. The toy moved and hit his leg, and Dongju giggled. Youngjo squished his cheeks.

“You are so adorable.”

Dongju only giggled at him.

“’do’able.”

He said. Youngjo resisted the urge to squish again. Next, he took out a set of blocks. They were big and colourful, perfect to stack. They were also soft, so they wouldn’t hurt Dongju if they fell. Dongju eyed that a bit suspiciously. Youngjo laughed.

“We’ll leave this one for later, ok?”

Dongju peeked inside the box again. Youngjo thought for a second, wondering which toy to give Dongju next. He had promised himself he would give the toys slowly, so as to not overwhelm the boy all at once. For this day, he would only give one more toy. Then he remembered one of the first things he had bought. He looked at Dongju.

“Ju, love, how old are you right now?” He asked. Dongju frowned. Youngjo showed him four fingers, knowing he wasn’t that old. “Like this?”

Dongju shook his head. Youngjo took out a finger. Another head shake. Another finger and Dongju stopped to think. Then he copied the gesture, showing two fingers. Youngjo nodded. That was probably old enough to enjoy the toy he had gotten. Plus, Youngjo had started noticing that sometimes Dongju adjusted his little age to this or that toy, depending on what he felt like playing with.

“Ok. Well, hyung has got something for you.”

Dongju perked up. Youngjo smiled and reached into the box, taking out the biggest toy.

As soon as Dongju understood what the toy on Youngjo’s hands was, he whined, making grabby hands.

“Baby!”

He said, eyes begging Youngjo to give him the toy. Youngjo smiled, handing Dongju the baby doll he had bought.

It was a simple doll. It wasn’t too big, and didn’t have too many accessories. She had come with a cloth diaper, a pink dress and a pacifier. The doll’s eyes closed when it was in a horizontal position. Youngjo had also bought two other sets of clothes; a onesie and a shirt plus jeans set, as well as a pair of shoes and socks. Right now, he was only giving Dongju access to the pacifier and the doll itself, still in the dress it had come in.

“Do you like it, bub?” Asked Youngjo. Dongju looked at him with wide eyes, and Youngjo noticed he was tearing up. He frowned. “Ju?”

Dongju sniffled.

“Love it.” He mumbled, hugging the doll to his chest.

The scene made something break inside of Youngjo. He could guess the reason for Dongju’s weird reaction. Youngjo had seen how happy Dongju had gotten when he opened his polly pocket set, all those days ago. He could also see Dongju’s tendency to like more ‘feminine’ clothes and accessories, and not only when he was regressed. Dongju had played off the whole 'wanting to be a princess when he was little' thing as a joke. He went with it and even dressed up as Snow White, but he complained the whole time. But Youngjo had always noticed the complaints weren't genuine, and he suspected that Dongmyeong really wasn't lying when he said Dongju used to want to be a princess. When in headspace, Dongju was a lot more open about it, too, but Youngjo guessed it was only because when he was little, Dongju forgot to repress it. And the only explanation for that was that growing up, Dongju had probably been deeply repressed whenever he expressed any kind of appreciation for ‘feminine’ items.

It made Youngjo’s blood boil. What was the problem with a boy liking pink or dresses and skirts? What was wrong with letting a boy play with dolls or dress up as a princess, or letting a girl dress up as Hulk and play with toy cars? It had never made any sense to Youngjo, this whole thing about boys’ toys and girls’ toys, boys’ clothes and girls’ clothes. People should let their kids choose whatever toy and piece of clothing they wanted. But people weren’t like that, and Youngjo knew. Seeing Dongju still hugging the doll, a few tears running down his cheeks, he made a mental note to talk to the boy about this, once he was big again. But for now…

“Do you wanna play with it, Ju?”

He asked, softly. Dongju quickly nodded. He sniffled once again and dried his face in his sleeves. He then cradled the doll on his left arm and rocked it a bit, before smiling.

“’yung be dad, Juji is mom.”

He said. Youngjo smiled.

“Ok. Should I go to work?”

Dongju shook his head.

“’tay ‘ome an’ cook. Juji wo’k with baby.”

He said, and Youngjo wanted to laugh.

“Ok, I’ll cook.”

He said, picking up invisible tools and making a mental note to buy a toy kitchen set. Dongju gave him a kiss on the cheek and left through an imaginary door.

Youngjo watched as Dongju sat on the floor – his new doll carefully positioned between his legs – and reached for the bag where Youngjo kept his regression stuff. Opening the bag, Dongju took out crayons and a colouring book and started colouring. He had a focused expression on his face, occasionally humming and talking to an invisible co-worker. It was adorable to watch, and Youngjo surely burnt their pretend dinner, but Dongju didn’t need to know about that. the good side of pretend food was that it didn’t taste like anything.

After some time – Youngjo had already moved on to clean the house after putting their dinner on the fridge – Dongju gasped. Youngjo looked over, only to see him checking the baby’s diaper and carrying it to another part of the room. He talked quietly to himself as he pretended to change the baby. Once he was done he gave the baby an invisible bottle and rocked it for a bit, smiling as he put it on a horizontal position and the doll’s eyes closed.

Walking – on his knees – back to where his ‘work’ was, Dongju closed everything and put it away, and just like that he was back home.

“Home.”

He called, closing another imaginary door behind him. Youngjo greeted him with the biggest smile.

“I made dinner.”

Dongju smiled and kissed him on the cheek again.

“Baby sleep.”

He stage-whispered, making Youngjo chuckle.

“Put her to bed, then.”

Dongju nodded. He carefully moved closer to Youngjo’s bed and put the baby there, pulling on the corner of the blanket to cover the doll. Once that was done he kissed the doll’s forehead, and Youngjo wondered if he had learned that home or with him.

“Eat?”

Asked Dongju, once the baby was ‘asleep’. Youngjo nodded.

“I made japchae for dinner.”

Dongju beamed at him.

The two of them sat down around an imaginary table and Dongju made a point of serving Youngjo and then himself, and then he dug in, eating the imaginary food with gusto. He ate and talked about how his boss was annoying him, all with short sentences that were very poorly structured. Youngjo could only laugh and nod his head in agreement.

They played for a long time, until Youngjo noticed Dongju was getting sleepy. When Dongju practically fell asleep against him, Youngjo softly took the doll from him and put it back inside the box. Dongju whined, but Youngjo shushed him.

“It’s bedtime, sweetie. Do you need a change?”

He asked. Dongju hummed, which wasn’t a very good answer, so Youngjo checked him. Noting the boy was wet, he quickly undressed Dongju and changed his diaper, and then tried to dress him up again, only to have the younger complain.

“Hot.”

Whined the boy. Youngjo nodded.

“You wanna sleep like that, baby?”

Dongju hummed, this time in clear agreement. Youngjo laughed. He picked up the boy’s pacifier, which had long been forgotten, and gave it to Dongju. He then gave the boy his blanket and turned off the lights. As Youngjo slid next to him on the bed, Dongju sighed contentedly.

“Love you.”

He mumbled. Youngjo kissed his head.

“I love you too, my precious little boy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter cause I have too much time and strangely got some motivation!!!
> 
> This one is 100% little Ju. Did you like it?????


	15. Chapter 15

Dongju was avoiding him. Not the first time it happened, really. But this time Youngjo had no idea why the boy was doing it. Him and Dongju had had a tough couple of days. Tougher for Dongju, definitely, but they had also drained Youngjo. But regardless, everything that had happened had brought the two of them impossibly close, and also helped Dongju figure out a lot of stuff - Dongju's words, not his. Dongju had even gone into headspace after their conversations, and when he first noticed the younger avoiding him, Youngjo wondered if the sudden difference in treatment was because he had asked Dongju to regress…? But Dongju had agreed to, and enjoyed his time in headspace. So Youngjo couldn't, for the life of him, understand why was it that Dongju was suddenly avoiding him.

At first, Youngjo decided not to interfere. Maybe Dongju wanted some space? He couldn't understand why the boy would want space all of a sudden, and why he hadn't just told Youngjo that, but pushing wasn't always the best idea. Plus, Youngjo wanted to talk to Dongju about his preference for 'girl toys' in headspace and his affinity with 'feminine' stuff in general. And that required a bit of thinking, because Youngjo wanted this to be as easy for DOngju was it could be. So maybe some time on his own to organize his thoughts would be good. Except two days later, he noticed another change in the maknae.

Dongju was often very enthusiastic about their makeup for stages and TV appearances. Youngjo had noticed, more than once, that the boy tried to keep it down, but Youngjo had caught him looking through their makeup staff's things various times, and he noticed how excited Dongju got when he saw the finished result of their work on his face. He had even caught Dongju asking them for a stronger eye-shadow, once, and had wondered if the staff believed the boy's excuse of 'it will fit the concept better' any more than he did.

Except on the day he started avoiding Youngjo, Dongju also seemed almost averse to letting the makeup artists apply any kind of makeup to his face. And on the next day too. And on the day after. Well. That explained a lot. Youngjo had noticed it before, but it had only truly downed on him the last day the maknae had regressed: Dongju had a very strong affection for typically feminine things. He liked pink clothes, makeup, glitter, and, according to Dongmyeong, wanted to be a princess when he was a kid. And, when he was in headspace, he enjoyed typically feminine toys, like his polly pocket set and now his doll. On the night Youngjo gave Dongju the doll he had - for the first time - truly noticed how strong the younger's desire to have that kind of stuff must have been his whole life, and how repressed he must have been, considering his reaction to getting a doll as a present. And that explained why he was avoiding Youngjo.

Despite having played with other 'girl toys' before, the doll had elicited a very different reaction on Dongju. He had cried when he opened it, and he had named himself the doll's mom. When he woke up the next day, he probably remembered all of that, and was probably scared out of his mind Youngjo might have found out this secret of his he tried so hard to hide. It would explain why Youngjo had woken up to an empty bed, when usually Dongju just snuggled closer to him and let himself enjoy the warmth when he woke up out of headspace on Youngjo's bed. And would explain the boy's weird behavior and why he was avoiding Youngjo.

Youngjo sighed. If he could, he would go back in time and scold Dongju's whole family for making him feel like he was in the wrong for liking the things he liked. But he couldn't go back in time. All he could do was find a way to talk to Dongju and help the boy through this as well. His plan of giving Dongju time was cancelled.

As previously tested by Youngjo himself, the best moment to talk to Dongju about anything the boy had difficulty with, was at night. It was the moment the boy allowed himself to relax, and consequently was more open to talking about stuff that bothered him and being comforted. So, as he had previously done, Youngjo waited for Dongju to finish his shower and gestured towards his room. Dongju pouted, but headed to the room anyways. Youngjo followed him.

Once they were inside, Youngjo looked at the younger. Dongju looked sad and defeated, and Youngjo hated to see him like that.

"Ju…" he started, only to be interrupted.

"Can't you just leave it, hyung?"

Youngjo looked at him, trying to read the situation and avoid making any mistakes that would further upset the maknae.

"I just want to talk."

He said. It seemed harmless enough. Dongju glared. "Well, I don't."

Youngjo sighed. “If you really don’t want to talk I won’t make you. It’s just that usually when you say you don’t want to talk it means you’re dying to talk about it with someone, but you’re too scared to actually do it.”

Dongju opened and closed his mouth a few times, and then his eyes watered. 'Here we go again' thought Youngjo. Dongju let himself fall on the bed and brought his knees close to his chest, hugging his legs and burying his face in them.

Youngjo opened his mouth to say something, but was once again interrupted. This time, however, it wasn't Dongju interrupting him. It was Geonhak.

"Hyung, did you… Dongju?"

Youngjo didn't even have the time to think 'fuck' before all hell broke loose.

At the sight of Dongju crying, Geonhak turned to glare at Youngjo. Now, on a normal situation, Youngjo doubted Geonhak would even think of him as the possible cause of any of the members crying. But this wasn't a normal situation, because it was _Dongju_ who was crying. Youngjo knew Geonhak had a crush on Dongju, had always known. Which meant the older was protective of their maknae. So seeing the boy crying… On top of that, Youngjo had noticed Geonhak had been getting more and more upset about not being told the secret Youngjo and Dongju were sharing. All of that coupled with the fact that Dongju had clearly been avoiding Youngjo for the past two days and the fact that it was only the two of them in the room, besides Geonhak, meant the rapper was yelling at Youngjo before he could even really think about it.

"What did you do to him?"

Again, on a normal situation, Youngjo would have kept his cool and tried to make Geonhak understand he hadn't done anything. But he was tired. Helping Dongju with his issues had taken a toll on him, and even if he was extremely happy to have helped the boy, he was tired. plus, Dongju avoiding him upset him, even if he knew the reason behind it. And now, after everything he had been doing, he was being accused of hurting the boy?

"What the fuck, Geonhak, what do you mean what did I do?"

Geonhak glared harder. "He's crying, in case you haven't noticed! What, is he crying for nothing? He has been avoiding you since Tuesday, too!"

Youngjo snorted. "Shut up, Geonhak. You have no idea what's going on, you don't have the right to..."

Unfortunately, that statement was probably too harsh. Geonhak clenched his jaw and closed his hands into fists. "You little..."

Youngjo could already see himself explaining to the makeup noonas why was it that he had a black eye the next day, but he was saved by Seoho.

"What is going on here?"

Geonhak stopped on his tracks, and then, seeming to notice what he was about to do, let his hands fall. Youngjo too, brought down from his rage, immediately felt guilty and looked down.

"H-hyung..." Came Dongju's voice. Youngjo and the other two looked over. Dongju reached for Seoho. "Seoho hyung..."

He called. Seoho hurried to pull the boy into a hug, and then, noticing Dongju had latched onto him, he stood up and started heading out with the maknae in his arms.

"You two solve your shit. I'll get Dongju into bed," he said.

"Youngjo hyung… tomorrow… tomorrow we can talk."

Youngjo almost cried at how shaky and tired Dongju's voice was. Maybe he had forced the boy too much. He cursed himself.

Once Seoho and Dongju were gone, Youngjo turned to look at Geonhak. "Hak..."

The younger boy looked at him and Youngjo noticed he regretted everything. "I'm sorry, hyung," he said.

Youngjo sighed. "I was wrong, too. I'm sorry."

Geonhak bit on his lip. "I know you would never hurt Ju. I just..."

"Hak," interrupted Youngjo, "I know you know that. I also know how much you care about Ju, I understand why you said what you said. Don't worry about it, ok?"

Geonhak gave him a tiny shy smile. "Nothing gets past you, hm?"

Youngjo laughed. "Nope. Go to bed. Tomorrow will be better."

Youngjo fully expected Dongju to continue avoiding him, despite the boy's words the night before, so he was quite surprised to see Dongju waiting for him in the kitchen when he woke up. 

"Ju?" The younger looked up, smiling a bit.

"Let's talk."

Youngjo was even more surprised then, but followed the younger back into his room. As soon as they entered the room, he apologized. "I'm sorry for pushing you to talk."

Dongju smiled again. "You were right, yesterday, hyung. I… well, you know what I mean. You… you did push me, but that's what I need. If you don't push me, I won't ever talk."

Youngjo frowned. "Then why…?"

Dongju sighed. "I know what you want to talk about, hyung. And… and it's as hard for me as the stuff we talked about the other day. And then Hak hyung got here and… it was just too much to handle."

"Are you feeling better, though?" asked the older, "I don't want to force you."

Dongju nodded, "I'm great. Let's just get this over with."

Youngjo snorted, "You're the one who has to talk, Ju. I only have guesses on what made you upset."

Dongju pouted at that. "Hyung~" he whined, "you know you're right."

Youngjo bit on his lip. "About you liking typically feminine stuff but being scared of letting others know about that?"

Dongju cringed, and Youngjo chided himself. He could have been softer.

"My parents… Myeong told you guys about how I used to say I wanted to be a princess. I guess you already know I was lying when I denied that."

Youngjo nodded. "Yeah. You know you don't have to hide that, though, right?"

Dongju fiddled with his shirt, clearly uncomfortable. "It's not right."

Youngjo cringed. That was way worse than the usual 'it's weird' Dongju used to talk about things he wasn't comfortable with doing.

"Why not?" he asked.

Dongju looked at him, and spoke clearly trying to convince himself more than Youngjo "I'm a boy. Boys don't wear dresses, skirts and makeup, and boys don't play with dolls, and boys don't wear pink."

He recited. Youngjo resisted the urge to cringe again. "Lie, lie and lie. Dongju, please explain to me what identifying as male has to do with wearing pink."

Dongju frowned. "It's just how things are."

Youngjo shook his head. "There's no logical explanation for things to be like that. Ju, you're allowed to like pink and glitter, to like makeup and want to dress up as a princess. You're allowed to play with whatever toy you want, and still identify as male. Just because you're in a skirt and crop top doesn't mean you're suddenly female. Girls wear jeans and polo shirts, right? Girls wear blue. Why can't guys wear dresses and pink?"

Dongju chewed on his lip and Youngjo reached over to pull it from between his lips. Dongju sent him a pleading look. Youngjo immediately understood, looking for the boy's pacifier and handing it over.

"But mom and dad..." he started, and Youngjo almost didn't understand him with the pacifier and the way he was mumbling.

"Your parents were wrong, Ju. Sorry to tell you that." Dongju seemed shocked. "Does Dongmyeong know about this?"

Dongju quickly shook his head. "Please don't tell him."

Youngjo looked at the boy. "Ju, I would never tell anyone any of your secrets without your permission. I asked that because I know Giwook likes painting his nails and wearing makeup sometimes, and I know for a fact that Dongmyeong is more than ok with that. He even helps Giwook sometimes."

This seemed to stick with Dongju, like Youngjo knew it would. He had noticed the twins were very close, and Dongmyeong had told him, long ago, that Dongju had been somewhat emotionally dependent on him for a period of their life. They had solved that already, because it wasn't healthy, but Youngjo knew Dongmyeong's opinions still had a lot more weight on Dongju than anyone else's. And if Dongmyeong accepted this, chances were Dongju would also start to accept it.

"He… does?" asked the boy.

Youngjo nodded. "Yup. Call him and ask."

Dongju seemed to consider it, then took his pacifier out of his mouth. "Can I talk to him alone?"

Youngjo smiled.

Dongju almost chickened out. Dongmyeong was his closest friend and the person Dongju looked up to the most, and just the idea of disappointing him made Dongju want to cry and hide. Not that he thought Dongmyeong would judge him for this, or for anything, but the mere possibility was already enough to scare Dongju. But… well, Youngjo had said Giwook was like Dongju, and Dongmyeong accepted him. So maybe he would accept Dongju too? Taking a deep breath, Dongju dialed his twin's number.

Dongmyeong picked up on the second ring.

_"Dongju?_

"Hey."

_"Hey. Everything okay?"_

Silence. Dongju bit on his lip, wishing he didn't talk with a lisp when he had his pacifier in his mouth.

"Hmm."

Dongmyeong waited, then snorted.

_"Is this a hidden camera?"_

Dongju took a deep breath.

"Do you really help Giwook paint his nails?"

Silence. Then...

_"Is this about you liking makeup and dresses?"_

"Please don't hate me."

Dongmyeong seemed to choke on the other side.

_"What the…? Why would I hate you?"_

Dongju tried hard not to cry, because he was tired of crying. At this rate he would die of dehydration.

"I don't know."

_"Juji, for fuck's sake, I've known you like girl stuff since we were four. Did you really think I would…?"_

Dongju sighed.

"I don't know," he repeated.

_"Well, I won't. I won't hate you, or be disappointed, or any other crazy bullshit you're thinking. Come on, Juji, you're my little brother."_

Dongju snorted.

"One minute, Dongmyeong."

_"You're my little brother and I love you, ok? No matter what. For real, Ju, no matter what."_

Dongju smiled.

"Thank you."

_"Don't thank me for being a decent human being. Yonghoon hyung is calling us to practice, so I gotta go. But maybe I'll drop by later."_

"Sounds good."

_"Great. See you, little bro."_

"One minute!" Yelled Dongju, but Dongmyeong had already hung up. Smiling, Dongju hugged his phone. Maybe this was ok, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I took so long T.T but I hope you liked the chapter! As always, I loooove reading your comments >.<


	16. Chapter 16

Dongmyeong did show up, after all. It was late; Oneus had just gotten back from practice and were hanging out in the living room when there was a knock on the door. All of them frowned, confused, including Dongju, having forgotten his twin's promise.

"Yah, go open it, Dongju," said Hwanwoong, "you're the maknae."

Dongju snorted, but got up to open the door. And was immediately tackled by Dongmyeong.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid."

Were the boy's greeting words. Dongju blinked in confusion, then glanced back at the others.

"Myeong, the others, I..."

Dongmyeong stopped him.

"We just came for a visit."

He said, loudly, and only then did Dongju notice Giwook behind his brother. He blinked again, taking in Giwook's eyeliner and eyeshadow, as well as his lipstick. He turned to Dongmyeong.

"Did you…?"

Dongmyeong shook his head. "You know I wouldn't."

"Dongmyeong? Giwook?"

Dongmyeong smiled. "Geonhak hyung!"

And inside the dorm he went, leaving Dongju and Giwook by the door.

"Everything ok, Ju?"

Dongju blinked at the question, and then noticed he had been staring at Giwook. He blushed. "Sorry."

Giwook smiled. "It's ok, I know I look amazing with this color of lipstick."

And inside the dorm he went, leaving Dongju by himself, completely in awe.

The two guests made themselves at home. It was one of the things Dongju loved about Oneus and Onewe. They were all friend, close and comfortable with each other. It was like having his family, - which was Oneus - and then an awesome extended family of five more people. Of course, one of those five was his actual family, his twin brother, but Dongju wasn't in the mood to work out this weird family tree he had created in his mind. What really mattered was that Dongmyeong and Giwook made themselves at home, and Dongju couldn't help but to smile at the scene.

When he joined them, Youngjo was praising Giwook's makeup.

"For real, that looks amazing," he said, "I like the eyeliner."

Dongju bit on his lip, feeling self conscious even though no one was even looking at him. He knew what Youngjo was doing, and he could see Dongmyeong had connected the dots. His twin spotted him and gave him an inquisitive look. Then he looked at Youngjo, back at Dongju and raised one eyebrow. Dongju nodded slightly, meaning that yes, Youngjo knew about it. Dongmyeong smiled widely. Next to Dongju, Keonhee snorted.

"That was the weirdest thing I've ever witnessed," he said, gesturing between Dongju and Dongmyeong. "Do you guys have a secret code?"

Dongju snorted. "Shut up, hyung."

"I like it too, the eyeshadow is pretty." Dongju perked up. That wasn't Youngjo speaking, or Dongmyeong. It was Hwanwoong. "You look good."

Hwanwoong saying that had a completely different meaning to Dongju. Youngjo had said what he said because he was trying to show Dongju there was nothing wrong with wearing makeup or whatever else he wanted. Dongmyeong praising Giwook would have the same purpose. But Hwanwoong? He had no reason to say that, unless he meant it.

"Agreed," said Seoho, "and the lipstick looks really good, too."

Dongju's first reaction was to look at Dongmyeong, who gave him a blinding smile. Then he turned to Youngjo, who gave a much softer but equally meaningful smile. Dongju bit on his lip. He opened his mouth to speak, but quickly gave up on it. For a second he was tempted to just tell everyone right then and there that he too wanted to put on pretty makeup like that. But he was still too scared, and there were so many people there, and he… he wasn't ready.

Sighing, he looked down.

"I like the eyeshadow, too," he mumbled, feeling like it was enough for everyone to find out his secret and start teasing him. No one paid attention to him, the only acknowledgement that he had ever spoken was Giwook's thankful smile.

"Thank you," said Giwook, beaming, "I got some new stuff and wanted to try it out, and since Myeong insisted on dragging me here today..."

The others laughed, and Dongmyeong playfully shoved the other boy.

"Shut it, you were whining about how you missed hanging out with them just yesterday." He said, and Giwook blushed.

"Oh, shut up." He said.

"Why did you come, though?" asked Hwanwoong. Not in a 'go away' way, he just seemed curious. Maybe a sign Dongju was way too stressed about everything at the moment was the fact that his first reaction to the question was to panic.

Dongmyeong shrugged. "Just wanted to see my baby brother," he said. Dongju glared.

"Dongmyeong it's just one minute!"

Everyone laughed, because that was an old fight between them. Keonhee snorted, nudging Dongju, "well you act like it's more than just a minute."

Again, Dongju definitely needed a bit of rest, because his first instinct was the panic and run away. He managed to hold himself back and pout, pretending he was hurt by the statement, and probably reinforcing it as he said "you're so mean."

Keonhee laughed and ruffled his hair, and Dongju relaxed a bit. Everything was fine. At least for now.

"So, movie?"

Geonhak snorted. "You come into our dorm, steal our food and now you want a movie?" Dongmyeong smiled, making himself comfortable. "You're a menace."

They did end up watching a movie. Geonhak headed over to sit next to Dongju, who was more than happy to snuggle against the older. Geonhak wrapped his arms around him, and it was a normal position for them, especially since Dongju did tend to cling to people, but Dongju understood what the older was trying to say through his hug.

"I'm ok, hyung," he said, "promise."

The lights were out and everyone was busy getting comfortable to watch the chosen movie. Geonhak sighed. "You were crying."

Dongju turned a bit so that he could look the older in the eyes. "Crying isn't always bad. You can cry from relief and happiness."

Geonhak seemed to consider his statement, then he gritted his teeth for a second, before speaking up. "Why are you and Youngjo hyung…? "

Dongju wasn't expecting that, but as soon as the words left Geonhak's mouth, he noticed he had maybe kinda fucked up. He had been so wrapped up in everything that was going on inside his head he had forgotten to pay attention to the things going on _outside_ his head.

Dongju and Geonhak usually spent a lot of time together. Ever since Dongju started regressing, that time had lessened a bit, because there was now one more thing on his schedule, something in which Geonhak wasn't involved. And then on those last few days he had spent more time than ever with Youngjo, and more than that, sneaking around with Youngjo without telling the others anything about it. He was only now stopping to think that the older had probably been dealing with questions and making up excuses for them, and he felt incredibly guilty.

"Hyung..." he started, "hyung, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I was so caught up with the mess in my head I didn't even notice..."

Geonhak frowned. "The mess in your head?"

Dongju shook his head. "I know this is the last thing you want to hear now, hyung, but I… I need time before I tell you about everything, ok? Youngjo hyung has been helping me out with some stuff, and I promise I'll tell you one day, but I'm not ready now. But… but it's no reason for me to stop paying attention to everything else. I'm sorry."

Geonhak tightened his grip, and Dongju was brought back to reality, only then noticing he had been feeling a little floaty. The sounds of the movie were loud, but it was the first time he was hearing them.

"It's ok, Ju. If you say you're working through it that's fine. If you say you're ok I believe you. And if Youngjo hyung is helping you that's great. Just… don't forget that I'm here too, ok?"

It broke Dongju's heart, because Geonhak was rarely this open with his feelings. He had gotten much better since the time they first met, but he was still very reserved. He must have really struggled with Dongju suddenly spending so much time with Youngjo.

"I won't, hyung. Promise." And in an act more brave than he felt he pressed a kiss to Geonhak's cheek. "Love you."

He knew Geonhak would interpret it as a friend 'I love you'. He would never know Dongju meant it much differently.

When the movie finally ended and Geonhak woke Dongju up - look, he was tired and the movie wasn't that interesting, he wouldn't have fallen asleep it they were watching Toy Story - Dongmyeong and Giwook got up to leave. They thanked the boys for the company, and there was a weird mix of hugs and waves and other various forms of saying goodbye that was very much then, and finally Dongju was leading the other two to the door.

"We need to hang out more often," said Dongmyeong, pouting, "I miss you."

Dongju just gave him a sleepy smile and nodded. Dongmyeong gave him a hug and headed to the elevator. Giwook opened his mouth to probably say goodbye too, but Dongju was faster.

"Gi, do you… can I borrow some of your makeup sometime?"

It was out before he could even think about it, and he instantly regretted it, but there was no going back now. He nervously awaited, no longer feeling sleepy. Giwook stared for a moment and then gave him a huge smile. "Sure, we can arrange a day for you to come over and choose what you want."

Dongju smiled. "Thank you."

Giwook shook his head. "It's nothing. Oh, actually..." he reached inside his bag, looking for something, and then handed Dongju a small lipstick case, "you can keep this. The color will go better with your skin than mine."

And left with no further comment. As the elevator door closed behind Giwook and Dongmyeong, Dongju giddly opened the lipstick. It was a soft pink color. Dongju put it in his pocket and entered the dorm again. He still didn't feel confident enough to let the boys know about his interest in 'feminine' stuff, much less to let them see him wearing any of that. But maybe he could start experimenting on his own. For the longest time, he had been embarrassed of doing it in front of his own reflection, even. He could start there and work his way up.

"You'll come to me if you want to talk about this, right?"

Dongju nodded. "Promise, hyung."

Youngjo smiled. "And Dongju. Stop avoiding me every three days ok?"

Dongju laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter!! To makeup for the time I was away hsjkgrnfsd hope you liked it ^.^


	17. Chapter 17

Dongju sadly waved the others goodbye from the window as they entered the van, and then continued to wave until the car was out of sight. He heard Hwanwoong laughing at him at some point, but he didn’t care. He was feeling tired and upset, and if he wanted to wave until the van came back he would, damnit. When the van did disappear, Dongju sighed tiredly and closed the curtains.

“… probably won’t be back until night.”

Dongju blinked as Keonhee left the kitchen, Hwanwoong following him.

“Where are you going, hyung?”

Asked Dongju, forcing the words out.

“To meet my sister!” Declared the boy. Dongju hummed. “I’ll be going, she’s probably waiting for me. Bye!”

And then he too left the dorm, and it was just Dongju and Hwanwoong. Great. Dongju headed to the living room, plopping down next to Hwanwoong and picking up his phone.

The night before, Youngjo had told Dongju the hyung line would be busy with a radio interview for most of the next day. They would leave early and arrive at some point in the afternoon. Dongju had assured the older that no, he didn’t care that they had planned the day for him to regress. He wasn’t even feeling little, anyways, and it wouldn’t be a problem. Except it was a lie.

It was already the end of their promotion period, and, despite what everything thought, those last few promotion days were always the worst. Even worse than comeback preparation. And that meant Dongju hadn’t had much time to regress recently. It seemed like years had passed since Dongmyeong and Giwook had visited - it had been only a week - and since then things had picked up and he hadn't had time to regress. The whole thing was making Dongju feel quite stressed. Most days he woke up on the verge of slipping into headspace, only to push the feeling away, forcing himself to hold on just a bit longer. This day with Youngjo had been something he had been looking forward to, a day to finally relax and regress. And now he couldn’t. He huffed, crossing his arms, noticing he had been staring at the same post on Twitter for over five minutes already.

“God, I’ve never seen you in such a bad mood.”

Dongju glared at Hwanwoong. The boy was sitting next to him on the couch, on his computer. “I’m not in a bad mood,” he replied.

Hwanwoong raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, ok.”

Dongju glared. “I’m not!”

Hwanwoong threw his hands up in a gesture of surrender. “Ok!” he said. Then he closed his computer. “Come on, why don’t we watch a movie?”

Dongju thought about it for a moment. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to watch a movie, and he really wasn’t sure if it was a good idea at the moment. What if he slipped? Would he be able to hold back if they watched an animation? Would watching a horror movie be better or worse?

“I don’t know, hyung, I…”

Hwanwoong pouted at him. “Oh come on, please! We can put our pyjamas back on and snuggle under the covers, and you can even choose the movie. Come on, it’ll be fun. You look like you’ve been sucking on a lemon since the others left, I’m sure this will cheer you up a little.”

Dongju sighed. Hwanwoong was stubborn. Once he got a goal in his head it was hard to convince him to let it go. So Dongju nodded. “Ok, whatever. But I’ll choose the movie.”

Hwanwoong smiled widely.

Dongju headed to his room, and he looked at his pyjamas for a moment before sneaking out and going to Youngjo’s room. He smiled as he found the hoodie Youngjo had slept on still on top of the boy’s bed. He took it and put it on with a pair of his own sweatpants. Then he headed back to his room and grabbed Doondoongie. Surely it wouldn’t hurt to have the toy with him while he watched TV. He did that all the time!

When he entered the living room and spotted the amount of snacks on the table in front of the couch, he laughed. Hwanwoong smiled. “See? You even smiled,” he said. Dongju stuck his tongue out. As Hwanwoong left to change as well, Dongju settled on the couch, choosing a movie that looked boring enough before covering himself with his blue blanket. It was something he had always had, and something he took with him wherever he went, so Hwanwoong wouldn't find it suspicious to see him cuddling it, and it would somewhat make up for the fact that Dongju couldn't have his Frozen blanket at the moment.

“Are you ready?” Asked the older as he came back, heading towards the sofa.

Dongju nodded.

Choosing a boring movie had been Dongju’s worst mistake. The plot was so stupid and the actors so bad it almost hurt to pay attention. And that, unfortunately, gave Dongju time to think about how little he was feeling and how much he wanted Youngjo to be there with him, cuddling with him as they watched Toy Story. Dongju could curl up under his fluffy Frozen blankie, with his pacifier in his mouth, and Youngjo would run a hand through his hair as they cuddled with Doondoongie, and everything would be perfect.

The other downside was that Hwanwoong was bored out of his mind, and had decided to pass the time by throwing snacks into the air and catching them with his mouth, and poking Dongju to get the younger to look at him. It was annoying. Dongju didn’t want to see Hwanwoong catch a chip with his mouth. I had been funny the first five times, but now it was just old and boring. Which led Dongju to his second worst mistake, which was pretending he was asleep when the older got yet another chip from the pack.

“Dongju, look. Hey, Ju. Dongju.” Dongju ignored him, telling himself that if he really pretended to be asleep Hwanwoong would give up. “Dongju, I know you’re awake. Hey. Dongju?”

And then Dongju’s arms were empty.

He sat up, startled, only to see Hwanwoong looking at him, smirking, Doondoongie in his arms. “See? I knew you were…”

Dongju burst out crying.

Hwanwoong could only stare as Dongju cried his eyes out, screaming at the top of his lungs without even trying to get his toy back. Then he came back to reality and rushed to sit next to the boy, shushing him. The last thing he wanted was the neighbours knocking on their door to ask about what was going on.

“Dongju, hey, Ju, I’m sorry, hyung is sorry. Here, Doondoongie is here, there’s no need to cry.”

He shoved the toy into Dongju’s arms, hoping that would shut the boy up. It didn’t, but Dongju grabbed the toy and shoved his head against it, muffling his screams, so it was an improvement. Still, Hwanwoong had no idea what to do.

“Ju, come on, hey. What happened? Why are you crying? You already have Doondoongie back.” No effect. Dongju continued to cry into the teddy bear, and Hwanwoong was starting to panic. “Ju, please, come on, stop crying.”

Nope. Not working. Hwanwoong rubbed his face, looking around as if one of the pieces of furniture would give him a tip on how to handle the situation. It didn’t help, of course, and now Dongju sounded a bit like he might be sick if he continued to cry like he was. Trying not to panic too much, Hwanwoong got up from the couch, heading to the kitchen. Water. He needed water. If Dongju was drinking water he couldn’t continue crying, right?

He got a cup and quickly rushed to the boy on the couch. “Ju, hey, look. Come on, drink some water. You’ll make yourself sick if you keep crying like that. Look, hyung is sorry for taking Doondoongie, but you already have him back.”

It was as if he was talking to a wall. He tried to pry Dongju’s face away from the stuffed toy, but the boy’s grip was too tight. Hwanwoong put the cup down and let himself fall against the sofa at a loss of what to do. Then he got up, not able to take Dongju’s pained sobs without doing anything. He headed to their room, in an attempt to find something that could comfort the boy. Not that he thought he would find anything. Dongju’s go-to comfort item was Doondoongie, and he already had that. He even had his blue blanket, already, what else could Hwanwoong give him?

Nonetheless, he entered the room and started looking for something. He looked around Dongju’s closet, finding nothing that seemed useful. Then he looked in the boy’s bed, wondering if maybe his pillow or his blanket…? As he pulled on the pillow, however, something fell to the floor. Hwanwoong stopped and looked around. And then he spotted it, lying on the floor. A pacifier.

Hwanwoong stared at the thing for well over a minute, before leaning down to pick it up. The Snow White design reinforced the idea Hwanwoong had been warily considering: that the pacifier in his hands was Dongju’s. He looked at it for a while longer, barely noticing that it was bigger than a usual pacifier. His mind was running in circles, trying to make sense of this. Was this really Dongju’s? Hwanwoong knew the boy had an oral fixation, but wasn’t this a bit too much? Surely it wasn’t his, it was just… then he heard Dongju still crying on the living room and made up his mind.

“Ju.” He called, entering the room again. “Ju, look, hyung got you your pacifier,” he said. The words sounded so weird in his mouth.

At first Dongju didn’t move. Hwanwoong internally cursed. He knew this wasn’t a good idea. Now he had… then Dongju looked up, face red and wet. He sniffled. Then he reached for Hwanwoong. The older stared, then approached the boy, scared he might start crying and screaming again. Dongju didn’t. Instead, he opened his mouth. He kept his eyes on Hwanwoong, as if measuring the older’s reaction. Hwanwoong put the pacifier on Dongju’s mouth. Dongju closed his lips around it and started sucking before sighing and lying his head against Doondoongie.

Hwanwoong stared for a moment. Then he melted. He had been too worried about getting Dongju to shut up and thinking that giving a grown boy a pacifier was weird, and hadn’t even stopped to think that Dongju might look quite cute with a pacifier in his mouth. He did. He looked very cute. His face was swollen and his eyes were red and puffy, but the way he was hugging Doondoongie and sucking on his pacifier was entirely too precious.

Hwanwoong sat down next to the boy again.

“There, that’s better, right?” Dongju didn’t reply, only looking at Hwanwoong with a gaze that looked a little scared. Hwanwoong tried to make his features look as soft as possible. “It’s ok, Ju, hyung won’t hurt you. Come on, I think we need to get that face washed.”

He said. To be honest, Hwanwoong had no idea what to do. He didn’t know why Dongju had broken down crying, didn’t know why he hadn’t calmed down when Hwanwoong gave him his toy back, didn’t know why he had a pacifier and why sucking on it seemed to have such a deep effect on him. But he wasn’t stupid, and he could tell Dongju was in a very fragile state at the moment. And all Hwanwoong could think to do was make sure the boy was well taken care of.

Dongju looked at him for a while longer, then extended one hand. Hwanwoong swallowed his surprise and all of the questions running on his mind and took the boy’s hand, gently pulling him up from the couch. Dongju stumbled as he got up, and Hwanwoong’s instinctively held him tighter, helping him keep his balance.

“Come on, let’s go.”

He said, pulling on the boy’s hand once he was sure Dongju wouldn’t fall. They headed to the bathroom, Dongju still clinging to Doondoongie and sucking on his pacifier.

Once inside, Hwanwoong turned on the water and wet his hands before gently running them on Dongju’s face. He repeated the process a few times to properly clean the boy up, and took great care to not dislodge the pacifier from the boy’s mouth. Then he dried Dongju’s face and pulled the boy back to the couch, where Dongju curled up with Doondoongie.

Hwanwoong stared for a moment, trying to find a reasonable explanation for what was going on. Before he could, however, Dongju spoke up. “Please don’t hate me, hyung.”

His voice was so weak, so timid, that Hwanwoong barely heard it. But he did, and he immediately frowned. “Yah, are you crazy? Why would I hate you?” He noticed he might have been a bit too expressive for Dongju’s current state when the boy flinched. He tried again. “Ju, hyung would never hate you. Why would you think that?”

He asked. Dongju sighed shakily. “C-cause Ju… cause ‘m weird.”

He said, playing with the handle of his pacifier as if gathering the courage to take it out of his mouth. Hwanwoong gently held his wrist, pulling his hand away.

“You can keep the pacifier,” he said. Dongju looked at him with big scared eyes. “Ju, hyung will never ever hate you. Ever.”

Dongju looked at him with teary eyes and Hwanwoong almost had an anxiety attack at the thought of the boy crying again like he had been before.

“B-but…”

He started, but Hwanwoong could tell it was hard for him to speak at the moment. He didn’t know why, but he could tell Dongju was making a huge effort.

“Hey, look. We can talk more about this later. For now I… you… is there anything I can do for you now, Ju? Don’t be scared of asking. No matter what it is that you need.”

Dongju looked at him and Hwanwoong saw something shifting in his eyes.

“Cuddle?”

He asked in a tiny voice. Hwanwoong smiled. That he could do. He pulled up Dongju's blue blanket, so that it covered both of them. He then lay against the sofa’s arm and opened his arms. Dongju crawled to him, settling in between Hwanwoong’s legs, his head on the older’s chest. It was weird, because Dongju was taller than Hwanwoong, but the older also felt something warming up his heart. Dongju was soft under his touch, cuddling his stuffed toy and calmly sucking on his pacifier. He looked sleepy, and when Hwanwoong ran a hand through his hair he hummed, contentedly pushing into the touch like a little kitten.

“You can sleep, Ju. Hyung will wake you up before the others come. Promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now some else knows!! Hope you liked the chapter, I'm somewhat sleep deprived so I'll blame any mistakes on that even tho I don't ever revise stuff (also if im not making any sense on this note that's why)
> 
> And as always, comments are always appreciated <333
> 
> (Fun fact: Dongju does take a blue blanket everywhere with him, and it's adorable - special apology to Butterfly, who has had to put up with me rambling about this, love u)


	18. Chapter 18

Dongju whined as he felt someone shaking his shoulder. He had been having such a nice dream… surely Youngjo could let him nap for a little longer, no? The realization that Youngjo had left in the morning and wouldn't be back until the afternoon hit him a moment later, and then he remembered what had happened with Hwanwoong.

"Ju, come on, wake up." Dongju wanted to scream. He couldn't believe he had… oh god, the way he had cried in front of Hwanwoong, and he had let the older see him sucking on a pacifier. Where had Hwanwoong even found that? And now his eyes were stinging and his head was aching, and… "Ju, I know you're sleepy, but you can't sleep longer, or else you won't want to sleep at night."

The sentence made all of the voices in Dongju's head stop. It was something Youngjo said when Dongju didn't want to wake up after a nap, and it was so caregiver-like that it made Dongju realize how much he was still craving his headspace. 'Hwanwoong didn't react badly', said a little voice in his head. With a whine, Dongju opened his eyes and pouted at the older.

Hwanwoong's form was a bit blurry at first, probably because Dongju had just woken up, and maybe a bit because of how much he had cried earlier. He could feel how swollen his eyes were. "Don' wanna get up."

Hwanwoong smiled softly at him. "I can tell. But you need to. Or do you want to stay up all night?"

Dongju perked up. "Can I?"

Hwanwoong chuckled and ruffled his hair. "No, you can't. Come on, get up and let's go wash your face."

Dongju pouted, but obeyed. Hwanwoong led him to the bathroom and as they reached the door he gestured for Dongju to go inside. Dongju tried to bite on his lip, before remembering he had his pacifier in his mouth. For a moment he felt embarrassed, but honestly, it wasn't like Hwanwoong hadn't seen it already, and Dongju just didn't have the energy for that right now.

"Dongju? Go on, wash your face." Dongju sighed. He was still feeling pretty little. Hwanwoong's treatment was taking him right to the edge of slipping, but things like this, like asking Dongju to wash his face on his own, kept him from completely going into headspace. It was a confusing mindset to be in. "Do you want hyung to help you?"

Dongju considered it for a moment. Hwanwoong had done it earlier, after the younger had stopped crying. But... he shook his head. It was a lie, he did want help, but he didn't want to burden Hwanwoong even more. He headed inside.

Once he was done - he decided to put his pacifier away for the time being - they headed back to the sofa and settled down. Dongju pulled on the skin around his nails, anxious about the situation and not sure how to act. He wanted to slip so badly, and honestly he was already half regressed, and he just didn't know what to do. Thankfully, - or maybe not - Hwanwoong spoke up first.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked. "Or do you want to cuddle and watch a movie? We can watch Frozen. It's lunch time, too, so maybe we could order something and eat while we watch it."

Dongju was tempted. "I… Youngjo hyung…?" He asked, hoping Hwanwoong would understand the question he couldn't quite compose in the state he was in.

"Youngjo hyung? He'll be out for a while longer, Ju." said the older, frowning.

Dongju sighed. "Can we wait for him to talk?"

Hwanwoong nodded. "Of course. Come on, let's order something, then we can watch Frozen." Dongju smiled thankfully and Hwanwoong ruffled his hair. "And Ju, remember what I told you before. If there's anything you want or need, just tell me. No matter what it is. And you can suck on your pacifier if you want to, I promise it's ok."

Dongju felt himself blushing, but nodded. Once Hwanwoong was busy trying to find the place they usually ordered from on the app, he hesitantly got his pacifier from his pocket and put it back in his mouth. He didn't miss the little smile on Hwanwoong's face, and he knew the older had noticed the action. He was thankful the boy didn't mention it.

They settled for chicken and then got themselves comfortable on the couch to watch the movie as they waited. Hwanwoong silently offered to cuddle, but Dongju declined. He was still feeling sleepy, and if he cuddled with Hwanwoong right now he might fall asleep again. So each of them settled on their own spot, and Hwanwoong pressed play.

After about ten minutes, Hwanwoong paused the movie with a snort. "Ju, what do you want?"

Dongju stared at him, feeling like a deer caught in the headlights. "W-what?"

Hwanwoong rolled his eyes. "You've been squirming since the movie started. I can tell you want something, what is it?" Dongju pouted. His big side knew that was just how Hwanwoong talked, but his little side was a bit upset about the harsh tone. "Sorry, Ju, that came out wrong. I just want you to be comfortable, so if there's something you need…?"

Dongju blushed, both because Hwanwoong had noticed him pouting and because he did want something. Specifically, his Frozen blanket, which had quickly become one of his comfort items since Youngjo gave it to him. He loved his blue blankie, but it just wasn't enough at the moment. He opened his mouth to maybe ask Hwanwoong to get it for him, then remembered inside the box with the blanket there were a bunch of toys, a package of diapers and his sippy cup - a new acquisition. And Dongju knew he would end up explaining to Hwanwoong about age regression sooner or later, but… he preferred to keep the rest of his stuff a secret for now.

"I'll go get it." he mumbled, getting up and heading into Youngjo's room.

When he got back and settled on the couch with Doongdoongie and wrapped himself on his blanket, lightly rubbing it against his cheek, Hwanwoong chuckled. "You're cute."

Said the older, and pressed play before Dongju could even think of how to react to that.

They didn't watch it for long before their food arrived. Hwanwoong got everything and put it on the little table in front of their sofa, and then moved to sit on the floor to eat. Dongju, however, could only stare. He didn't feel like eating on his own, not at all. And he really didn't want to let go of his pacifier. Couldn't he just stay where he was, cuddling Doongdoongie all wrapped up on his blanket?

"Dongju?" called Hwanwoong, seeming confused. "Come on, the food will get cold."

Dongju pouted. "Don't wanna." He said, and he knew he sounded childish, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

Hwanwoong frowned. "You have to eat, Ju."

Dongju shook his head. "Don't wanna." he repeated.

The older raised an eyebrow, seeming to analyze the situation, then sighed and got up. He pulled on Dongju's hand, helping him stand up and then guiding him to sit on the floor. "You have to eat. Come on, you can even keep Doongdoongie with you."

Dongju shook his head. "No." he insisted, hoping Hwanwoong would leave him alone. He didn't.

"No is not an option, Dongju. You have to eat. Do you want me to feed you?" Dongju stared. He hadn't expected the older to offer that. Hwanwoong raised an eyebrow. "Is that it? You want me to feed you? I can do that, come on. Pacifier out, open up."

Dongju instinctively obeyed as the older cut up a small piece of chicken and moved it close to his mouth. Hwanwoong chuckled as he accepted the food. "Cute."

Dongju whined at the word, - which seemed to be Hwanwoong's current favorite - though he actually loved to be called cute. In the back of his mind, he knew he was acting too little in front of Hwanwoong, who still knew nothing about age regression. But that thought was becoming more and more distant by the second, as Hwanwoong continued to feed him.

Soon they were back on the sofa, Frozen playing on the TV, and Dongju contentedly rubbed his cheek against his blanket, happy to have it and his pacifier back. He didn't notice his eyes were beginning to droop, and he didn't notice when he began to fall asleep.

The second time he woke up, it was to the feeling of someone pulling his pacifier out of his mouth. Not the best feeling to wake up to, and Dongju could already feel tears prickling on his eyes when he heard Hwanwoong speaking. "You weren't here, so the dorm was quiet enough for him to fall asleep."

Dongju's whine died on his throat when he heard Keonhee replying. "As if you're ever silent."

Internally, Dongju thanked Hwanwoong for being quick. Now that he was more awake he could tell his blanket was no longer covering him, which meant Hwanwoong had probably hidden it when he heard Keonhee coming in. Along with his pacifier. Dongju was thankful for that, really. But he couldn't help the little frustrated part of his mind that just wanted to slip into headspace and relax, damnit.

"You guys are both loud." He said, pushing back any thoughts about being little. As he opened his eyes, he found Keonhee sticking his tongue out at him. Dongju laughed. "Mature, hyung."

Keonhee smiled. "Did you have a nice nap?" he teased back, and Dongju tried his best not to blush.

"It was great before you interrupted it."

Next to Dongju, Hwanwoong snorted. "Shut up, the two of you. I want to finish this episode, so if you want to fight please go somewhere else."

Keonhee once again stuck his tongue out, and then plopped on the sofa, next to Dongju.

"What are you watching?"

After replying, Hwanwoong looked at Dongju. He gave the younger an apologetic smile, and Dongju returned it with a thankful one. He didn't feel very good. He was tired, and teetering on the edge of headspace the whole day long had definitely taken a toll on him. But Hwanwoong had done his best to help him out, and Dongju _was_ grateful for that. Soon, Youngjo would arrive and him, Dongju and Hwanwoong would have to talk. But for now, Dongju would have to settle for watching whatever TV series Hwanwoong was watching, and try his best not to slip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like this chapter!! Still sleep deprived, so again I probably won't make any sense if I try to write any kind of note, but here, have some pics of Ju with his blue blanket ^.^ https://twitter.com/CY4C0RE/status/1253421017826914305


	19. Chapter 19

Youngjo felt guilty the whole day long. It wasn't his fault they had suddenly gotten a radio interview; their manager had mixed things up and only noticed on the previous day he had forgotten to tell them about their schedule for that day. But Youngjo had promised Dongju the boy could spend the day in headspace, and he knew the younger was looking forward to that, so he still felt guilty.

It had been a week since the maknae had last regressed, and while that wouldn't be too much under normal circumstances, they were currently extremely busy, and Youngjo knew the stress was getting to the youngest. His little traits were starting to show more, and Youngjo knew no one noticed, because Dongju was naturally childish, but it worried him, because it was like a thermometer of how tired Dongju was.

Despite everything, Youngjo did his best to stay focused during the day. No matter what, this was his job and he had to do well. Plus, if they were focused, they would be done faster. So he forced himself to put everything else on the back of his mind and do what he had to do. Once they were finished, he helped the staff pack everything and they were out of the recording building in record time. Not that that meant much, since they had still spent most of the day out, but Youngjo figured it could be worse.

As they left the building, Seoho and Geonhak immediately made themselves comfortable on the car and put on their headphones. Youngjo knew he wouldn't be able to distract himself with music and would just end up more frustrated, so he settled for looking out of the window, wishing there wasn't too much traffic on their way home. And it seemed like this time the universe was with him, because they arrived fairly quickly, for which he was thankful. On their way up, Seoho laughed at him. "You look like you're about to burst, hyung. Are you that scared the kids destroyed the house?"

Youngjo forced himself to laugh along. "You know how they are." His performance was apparently good enough, because Seoho and Geonhak laughed.

They arrived at their floor and headed to their dorm, and Youngjo quickly opened the door and entered the room, eyes already looking for Dongju. He sighed as he spotted the boy. Dongju was curled up with Doongdoongie on the corner of the couch, hand playing with his bottom lip as he looked at the TV screen. Youngjo could tell the boy wasn't actually watching the series - he recognized it as a series Hwanwoong had been into lately - because his eyes were unfocused.

"See? They didn't even break anything." Seoho's voice brought the others' attention to the fact that they had arrived. Keonhee and Hwanwoong greeted them with whines of 'couldn't you have stayed out longer?'. Youngjo looked at Dongju again. On the moment they made eye contact, the maknae's lower lip began to tremble.

Trying not to panic, Youngjo rolled his eyes at the other two.

"Funny. Anyways, it'll be like I'm not even here, cause I'll be in my room working on the track I need to finish." he could sense the others' worry at his statement, but he ignored it, heading inside and hoping Dongju would understand the cue.

Once in his room, Youngjo frowned. Dongju's Frozen blanket was messily thrown on the floor, and Youngjo was pretty sure he had put it away the last time Dongju used it. Had the younger…? Deciding he could ask later, he folded the blanket and put it on his bed, then settled down to wait for Dongju.

When the door to his room opened, Youngjo smiled, and then immediately frowned as he noticed the maknae wasn't alone. He quickly glanced at the blanket he hadn't put away, and then at Dongju, who was holding Doongdoongie tightly. The maknae bit on his lip.

"So, can we talk now?" asked Hwanwoong. Dongju sighed and sat down.

Youngjo eyed the two boys, trying to understand what was going on and what he could and couldn't say. "Ju…?"

Dongju was now chewing on his lip, and he looked like he was thinking very hard about something. Then he sighed, "Woongie hyung…" he gestured vaguely towards Hwanwoong, then pouted. "Youngjo hyung, can I have my stuff?"

Youngjo hesitated. He had a feeling something had happened during the day that led Hwanwoong to find out about Dongju's regression, but he wasn't sure, and if that wasn't the case… "Woong, can you wait outside for, like, five minutes?"

Hwanwoong nodded, for which Youngjo was grateful. "I'll go get some water and then I'll be back."

Youngjo smiled thankfully. Once Hwanwoong left, he looked at Dongju. "Ju?"

Dongju sniffled and Youngjo noticed his teary eyes.

"Tired," mumbled the boy. "Woongie hyung knows, but doesn't know." Not very helpful information, but at least now knew he could mention Dongju's regression in front of Hwanwoong. "Can I please have my stuff?"

Youngjo took a few moments to understand the request and then quickly nodded, brain finally starting to function again as he felt himself slipping into caregiver mode.

"Of course, baby. What do you want?" he asked, softly caressing the boy's hair. "You're ok with Woongie knowing, then."

Dongju nodded and leaned into the touch. "Wan' 'verything."

He said, and Youngjo nodded. He picked up a diaper and Dongju's bunny onesie, quickly undressing the boy and redressing him in his regression clothes. He noticed Dongju had been wearing his hoodie, and filed the information for later. Then he looked inside the box for Dongju's pacifier and frowned. "Ju, your paci…?"

Dongju only looked at him for a moment, before looking around and reaching for the sweatpants he had been wearing. Youngjo understood the gesture and looked inside the pockets, retrieving the boy's pacifier and giving it to him.

As soon as the soother was in his mouth, Dongju sighed and relaxed. He sat up and crawled to sit next to Youngjo, then lay down on the older's lap, still hugging his stuffed bear. "Blankie?" he asked, and Youngjo could tell he was already completely regressed. He reached for the boy's blanket just as there was a knock on the door. Covering Dongju, who happily rubbed his cheek against his blanket, Youngjo asked if it was Hwanwoong and at the boy's reply told him to come in.

Youngjo didn't know what he expected Hwanwoong's reaction to be upon seeing Dongju, but he was glad when the boy simply smiled and sat down on the bed.

"Is he sleeping?" he asked. Dongju whined in response and Hwanwoong chuckled. "Guess not."

Youngjo smiled. "So… what happened today?"

Hwanwoong sighed. "Ok, so. You guys left and then Keonhee left too, to meet his sister, and it was only me and Ju. And Ju was in a really bad mood, for some reason, so I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie, let him choose and everything."

Youngjo laughed at that. "How kind of you."

Hwanwoong stuck his tongue out at him. "Anyways. He chose a really boring movie, so I don't think I can be blamed for trying to entertain myself. Thing is I was talking to Ju and he was pretending to be asleep, so to get his attention I took Doongdoongie from him."

Youngjo cringed at the idea, and on his lap, Dongju whined again and pulled his toy closer to his chest. Youngjo ran a hand through his hair. "Really, Woong? Doongdoongie?"

Hwanwoong pouted. "How was I supposed to know he was going to start crying? We've played around like this before, hyung."

Youngjo shook his head. Dongju must have fought his headspace so hard… "We've never played like this with Doongdoongie," Hwanwoong looked down, seeming guilty, "but I know you didn't mean to make him cry. You couldn't have known it would affect him so much. Then what happened?"

Hwanwoong sighed. "I tried to give his toy back to get him to stop crying, then tried giving him water and talking to him, but he wouldn't stop crying. So I headed to our room to see if I could find something that would maybe calm him down. Thought of his pillow, but when I pulled on it his pacifier fell from his bed."

Youngjo frowned. "His pacifier…?" What was Dongju's pacifier doing on the boy's bed? Dongju's little stuff stayed on a box under Youngjo's bed, since Youngjo had his room to himself, so why would it…? Deciding to ask Dongju about it later, he nodded at Hwanwoong to keep going.

"So, his pacifier fell from the bed, and to be honest I considered putting it back in place and pretending I had never seen it, but then I saw it was Snow White themed and… and realized it might be Ju's." Youngjo nodded. He was so used to seeing Dongju with the pacifier in his mouth he didn't even stop to think how confused Hwanwoong must have been seeing it for the first time. "So I took the risk and gave it to him, and then he calmed down. Then he asked me to wait for you to come back to explain everything, and we cuddled and watched Frozen."

Youngjo laughed at that ending. Hwanwoong was great if his reaction to witnessing Dongju's headspace when he knew nothing about regression was to immediately choose to take care of the boy.

"Well. Ok, so I guess we have a lot to explain."

Hwanwoong snorted. "You think?"

Youngjo sighed. "Do you remember a while ago, when Ju was really stressed during our comeback and wasn't sleeping or eating properly?" Hwanwoong nodded. "Well, back then I talked to Ju, and he told me sometimes it was hard for him to take care of himself, and that he enjoyed having other people taking care of him. At first we didn't really understand what that would entail, but I agreed to help him."

Hwanwoong frowned. "Help him… how?"

"Sometimes I fed him when he was tired, or helped him get dressed in the morning. Helped him do basic stuff." Hwanwoong nodded. "And then one day I was looking this up online and came across the term age regression. Basically, it's this thing where people mentally regress to a younger age, and let themselves be a child again."

Hwanwoong seemed confused. "I don't think I get what you mean, hyung."

Youngjo racked his brain for a better explanation. "It's like… sometimes, Ju just finds it very hard to take care of himself and act like a person his age. Little things that should be simple become hard tasks, such as eating on his own, showering, changing, and sometimes even speaking. Instead, he wants someone else to help him with those things. He wants someone to tell him when and what to eat, someone to help him shower and help him brush his teeth, and to tell him when to go to bed. Along with that comes other stuff, like wanting to play with toys and watch cartoons for little kids. He just… he becomes a little kid for a while."

Hwanwoong seemed to be deep in thought. "But… how does that work? Suddenly he can't take care of himself anymore? Isn't that dangerous?"

Youngjo smiled at the boy's worry. "It's not like that. He can take care of himself, he just doesn't want to. So if he has to he can, but it makes him grumpy and upset."

Dongju hummed from Youngjo's lap, making the older two remember he was still there. Youngjo thought the boy had fallen asleep, but Dongju's eyes were open, watching them talk.

"Ok, that's better," said Hwanwoong, referring to what Youngjo had explained. "And it helps with stress?"

Youngjo nodded. "A lot." Hwanwoong hummed. Youngjo bit on his lip. "So…"

Hwanwoong smiled. "Hyung, Ju already acts like a little kid on a daily basis. I mean, he bites, whines, pouts and takes his Forky toy and that blue blanket of his everywhere. This isn't much different. Plus, you know I only want him to be ok and happy." Youngjo relaxed at those words, and he felt Dongju relaxing as well. "He asked for you a few times today."

Said Hwanwoong, and Youngjo understood the question behind it. "Ok, so. People who do regression are called regressors, or littles. And littles can sometimes have caregivers, someone who takes care of them in headspace to make it easier for them to regress. I… I'm Dongju's caregiver."

It was the first time he said those words out loud like that, and it made him feel weird. A good weird, he even felt a bit giddy. He hadn't noticed how proud he was of being Dongju's caregiver.

Hwanwoong smiled. "That's cute," then he bit on his lip. "Can… do you think I could…?"

Youngjo raised an eyebrow. "You want to be Ju's caregiver?"

Hwanwoong was blushing, and it was adorable. He whined. "I don't know, I've never been around him when he's… little, you said? But it sounds cute, and if it helps Ju… I mean, I really think I should look more into this before doing anything, but… yeah."

Youngjo was reminded, then, of how much all of the others also adored Dongju. The boy was their baby, with or without headspace, and all of them loved him very much and wanted all the best for their maknae. In a way, they were all Dongju's caregivers, because even when he wasn't regressed, Dongju was someone who needed to be taken care of. They were used to his childish side, and they were used to caring for him and protecting him. So it shouldn't be a surprise that Hwanwoong wanted to be Dongju's caregiver.

"I can show you some stuff about it. And then we can talk to Ju when he's out of headspace, but I'm sure he'll like the idea of having another caregiver." Hwanwoong beamed at Youngjo at those words. Youngjo chuckled. "Plus, I get to spend more time with you."

At that Hwanwoong blushed, and Dongju gasped, before hiding his face on Youngjo's belly and giggling. It made Youngjo laugh, and even Hwanwoong found it in himself amidst his shyness to smile at the boy's cuteness.

"You're ridiculous."

Youngjo ignored the younger. He had had a stressful day, spent worrying about Dongju; but now he was home, and Dongju was fine, and Hwanwoong was accepting, and for now, everything felt great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys enjoy this one? Now Hwanwoong knows everything, and Dongju might get another caregiver! 
> 
> Hope you guys liked the chapter, and as always, love you comments, and love you all ^.^


	20. Chapter 20

Hwanwoong decided he wanted to start reading up on age regression right then and there. Youngjo had offered to send him some of the stuff he had saved on the topic, but the younger had told him he could just show it on his phone, for now. Then it took them a moment to rearrange themselves, because Dongju didn't want to let go of Youngjo, but also wanted to watch cartoons.

In the end, Dongju sat between Youngjo's legs, laptop balanced on his knees as he watched Mrs. Pepper Pot, and Hwanwoong sat next to them, close enough to look at Youngjo's phone with the older.

"This one has a pretty good explanation of what age regression is, and also talks about caregivers and what they should and shouldn't do," said Youngjo, giving Hwanwoong his phone.

He had found that specific post when looking for ways to become a better caregiver. At first he had been taking care of Dongju on instinct, treating him as he would treat a little kid if he had to take care of one. But sometimes he didn't know how to act on some specific situations and it started making him a bit anxious, because what he wanted the most was for Dongju to have the best experience possible. Then it had occurred to him that just like there were many little blogs out there, there should also be caregiver blogs. And he had, indeed, found many blogs, and discovered a ton of information.

Hwanwoong read on and asked a few questions here and there, and Youngjo internally cooed at how cute he looked, focused on his task. For the most part, they were silent, with Dongju giggling at times because of his cartoon.

"How old is Ju in headspace?" asked Hwanwoong, after a while. Youngjo figured he had found the post that talked about little ages.

"Hm, from what I've noticed he ranges from two to five? He has gone younger, though." He looked at the boy on his lap. At this point, Dongju was barely watching the TV show anymore, eyes drooping. "Right now he seems to be younger. Ju, baby, how old are you feeling?"

Dongju looked up as he was called, and blinked at Youngjo. He stayed like that for a while, sucking on his pacifier and staring at the older, but just as Youngjo opened his mouth to ask again, he raised two fingers. Then he put one down. Then put it up again and frowned. Youngjo chuckled.

"It's ok, baby." He said, pushing the boy's hand down. "You're in between one and two, right? Can you talk?" Dongju whined and squirmed. Youngjo caressed his hair. "You don't have to, don't force yourself. Hyung was just checking. Now, I think my baby is getting sleepy. What do you say hyung gets you some milk and then you go to bed?" Dongju seemed to consider the offer, then hummed, closing his eyes and leaning against Youngjo. The older chuckled. "Hyung will go get your milk, then, you stay with Woongie."

Dongju didn't reply. Instead, he opened his eyes and crawled closer to Hwanwoong, lying down with his head on the older's thigh.

"What do I do, hyung?" asked Hwanwoong, seeming a bit surprised at the maknae's action.

Youngjo laughed. "He likes it when you play with his hair," he said, and left the room.

The living room was empty, which was a relief. Youngjo headed straight to the kitchen and warmed up some milk with honey, guessing Dongju would prefer it over plain milk. He then headed back to his room and smiled at the scene in front of him.

Hwanwoong was playing with Dongju's hair, holding up Youngjo's phone and reading what seemed to be a book to the boy. Dongju looked comfortable and happy, and Youngjo wanted nothing more than to squish both him and Hwanwoong.

"... washing onto the beach, shells, and a crab resting," he read. As Youngjo closed the door, Hwanwoong looked up at him. "Hey. Was reading him a story."

Youngjo chuckled. "I could tell. You can keep reading while I put this on his sippy cup."

Hwanwoong continued reading in a soft voice and Youngjo surprisingly managed to transfer all of the milk to Dongju's sippy cup without spilling anything. Once Hwanwoong finished the story, Youngjo handed him the sippy cup. The younger looked at him, eyes wide. "Hyung, what…?"

Youngjo smiled. "He's already in your lap, you can give it to him."

Hwanwoong didn't seem too sure about the idea, but he picked up the sippy cup and nudged Dongju. The boy whined. "What, you don't want your milk anymore?" this made Dongju open his eyes. He sleepily searched for the cup and made grabby hands towards it. Hwanwoong gave it to him, and Dongju promptly took it to his mouth, without taking out his pacifier.

"Ju, hey, baby. We've talked about this," said Youngjo, "no paci while you're eating or drinking."

Dongju pouted, but relented, taking out his pacifier before going back to drinking from his sippy cup. 

He fell asleep halfway through the cup. Youngjo noticed when the boy brought his thumb to his mouth and the sippy cup slid from his grasp. With a smile, Youngjo helped Hwanwoong tuck the maknae in, making sure the boy had Doondoongie and his blanket and exchanging his thumb for his pacifier. Then he noticed Dongju hadn't brushed his teeth. Youngjo considered waking the boy up, but something told him that would go about as well as knocking a beehive down from a tree and standing right next to it.

"Did he brush his teeth after lunch?" he asked.

Hwanwoong frowned, then nodded. "Yeah, I took him with me when I brushed mine."

Youngjo nodded. "Well, that's better, then."

Hwanwoong raised an eyebrow. "You're gonna let him go to bed without brushing his teeth? Isn't that the kind of stuff you're supposed to be taking care of so he doesn't have to?"

It wasn't a mean comment, Hwanwoong just sounded amused. Youngjo laughed. "It is, but today wasn't exactly a normal day. He regressed really young, and look at his face, he's clearly exhausted. I'm not gonna wake him up to brush his teeth." 

Hwanwoong chuckled. "Ok, fair enough."

They were silent for a while, and then Youngjo spoke up. "So..."

Hwanwoong smiled, looking away from Dongju's sleeping form. "I… I think I really want to be his caregiver," he said, and it filled Youngjo's heart with warmth. "I mean, like I said before, I need to look more into this, but… we all kinda act like his caregivers anyways, I think."

Youngjo nodded as Hwanwoong voiced exactly what he had thought earlier. "We do. I mean, it's… if you decide to actually do this, you'll notice it's different in many aspects, but overall… yeah, it's pretty similar to how we treat him."

Hwanwoong hummed, running a hand through Dongju's hair, pushing his bangs back. "So all those times you said he was sick…?"

Youngjo chuckled. "Yeah, I lied. Sorry."

Hwanwoong faked an offended pout. "So mean," he complained. Then he gestured to Dongju's box of little stuff, which Youngjo had completely forgotten about until that moment. "What about things for when he's little? Can I see what he has?"

Youngjo was about to say that yes, of course he could take a look, but then he remembered the doll and Polly set Dongju had and stopped. Those were tied to another issue, one Hwanwoong definitely didn't know about. Youngjo didn't think he had the right to show Hwanwoong any of that stuff without Dongju's consent.

He bit on his lip. "Uhn, well… I think it would be better to ask Dongju to show you some other time, actually."

Hwanwoong frowned. "Ok? I won't laugh or anything, you know?"

Youngjo nodded. "I know. It's just… it's not just age regression we've been working on. Ju has been struggling with a lot of stuff and I'm not sure he wants to share everything right now."

Hwanwoong seemed to understand, but his expression looked sad. "He never said anything…"

Youngjo sighed. "I think it's because most of it is stuff he wasn't even aware of until recently. Regressing triggered something in him, and made him notice lots of things he thought he was ok with weren't really that well resolved."

Hwanwoong nodded. "Makes sense, I guess. I just wish I could help."

Youngjo smiled at the softness on the boy's voice. "You will. You already do, even if you don't notice." Hwanwoong smiled at him, and Youngjo was reminded once again of why he had fallen for the boy. "I can show you _some_ of his stuff, though."

Hwanwoong's eyes lit up. "Fuck yeah."

Youngjo laughed. "I can see you planning on teasing him, don't you dare."

Hwanwoong smiled. "Only when he's comfortable with it. Come on, I'm really curious."

Youngjo gestured towards Dongju. "Well, he has the blanket, and he's really attached to it. Also the pacifier and the bunny onesie. He loves the floppy ears."

Hwanwoong was smiling, seeming endeared, and Youngjo fully understood him.

"He does seem really attached to the blanket. He was wrapped in it all day long. What else?"

Youngjo pulled a few of Dongju's toys from the box. "Well, he has always had Doondoongie, which he's also very attached to, then this toy car, but he doesn't play a lot with it. These soft blocks for when he's younger, diapers, and also the sippy cup, which is about to fall from the bed."

Hwanwoong's eyes widened and he quickly reached to where they had left the sippy cup, catching it in time. "It's princess themed."

Youngjo nodded, ignoring the little alarm in his head. He knew Hwanwoong wouldn't mind that the cup was princess themed, and most likely wouldn't even remember in a while, but he was on edge with trying to keep what he and Dongju had talked about between the two of them.

"I also got him this singing teddy bear, but I haven't given it to him yet. If he's still in headspace tomorrow, maybe I will. And then these three stuffed animals, cause you know Ju loves plush toys, and an activity book. He hasn't seen these yet, either."

Hwanwoong took the three stuffed toys, inspecting them. Youngjo had bought an elephant, a dinosaur and a bunny from the same brand as Doondoongie. "They're cute. I'm sure he'll love them. He'll probably love them out of… was it headspace? Out of headspace, too."

Youngjo laughed. Hwanwoong was probably right, because Dongju loved plush toys no matter what. "I think so too," he checked inside the box. "That's all he has, for now."

Hwanwoong smirked at him. "I bet you spoil him so much."

Youngjo blushed. "No, I don't."

Hwanwoong laughed. "Hyung, it hasn't been that long since the two of you started sneaking around, which means it hasn't been long since he started regressing. And yet, you've already given Dongju all of this plus some other stuff I haven't seen yet. You definitely spoil him."

Youngjo huffed. "Look, you've never seen Ju in headspace, ok? You have no idea how difficult it is to resist him."

"Hyung, you've always spoiled Ju," he said, a teasing smile still on his lips. And honestly, Youngjo couldn't argue with that, because Hwanwoong was right. So instead of replying, he rolled his eyes. Hwanwoong chuckled, then yawned. "I think I'll go to bed now. Send me some of those links, I want to read more. And if he's still like this tomorrow can I…?"

Youngjo laughed. "We can try. We just have to find a way to explain it to the others, but I'm sure we'll think of something."

Hwanwoong smiled, and then, catching Youngjo completely off guard, gave him a little peck on the cheek.

"Night, then, hyung. We'll talk tomorrow."

Hwanwoong left the room giggling, and Youngjo could only stare at the closed door, mouth slightly open. He touched his cheek, then felt a smile spreading on his lips. Well. The day had gone better than he thought it would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All is explained and now Hwanwoong really knows!!!! Hope you guys liked it, and as usual your comments make my day ^.^


	21. Chapter 21

When Youngjo woke up, Dongju wasn't on the bed with him. Youngjo frowned, confused, but then heard a low mumble and looked to his side. He smiled. Dongju was playing with his doll, quietly talking to himself - or maybe to the toy - with Doondoongie next to him and his Frozen blanket covering his legs.

"Morning, Ju."

Dongju looked up, startled, then smiled. "Mo'nin'," he greeted around his pacifier.

"How old are you feeling, baby?" Dongju seemed to think for a second, then raised 4 fingers. Youngjo hummed. "Can you play by yourself for a bit while hyung checks our schedule?"

Dongju nodded, going back to his toys. Youngjo knew he was smiling like a fool, but he didn't care. He picked up his phone, checking the weekly schedule, then sighed. The night before he had told Hwanwoong they could try to spend the day with Dongju in headspace if the boy woke up feeling little, but he had the nagging feeling that they had something planned for the day. Which was why he had checked their schedule first thing, and indeed, they had things to do in the morning. It wasn't much, just a recording to wrap up promotions, and then they would have the rest of the day to themselves. But he would have to help Dongju out of headspace, at least for a while.

"Ju," he called. The younger looked up at him, frowning, probably cause Youngjo was interrupting his playtime. "Ju, we have a recording today. You need to be big right now."

Youngjo was surprised when Dongju pouted and his eyes watered.

"But Ju… Ju wanna play."

It made Youngjo sad to see how upset Dongju was. He knew the boy was craving his headspace, not having regressed since the week before - the previous day didn't count -, and that the stress of the end of promotions was getting to him. He also knew Dongju had expected to have time to regress the day before, and instead had just ended up way more stressed. But, despite all that, they couldn't not follow their schedule. It was their job.

Youngjo resisted the urge to ruffle Dongju's hair or hug him, knowing it would just make it harder for the boy to slip out of headspace. Instead, he spoke from where he was. "I know you do, but we have a schedule today. It'll be quick, promise, and when we come back you can play. But you really need to be big right now."

Dongju stared at him for a while, then looked at his doll. Then he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, sniffling. "But m' tired…"

It really took all Youngjo had not to go up to the boy and gather him on his arms, and promise to spend the whole day playing and cuddling. Instead, he sighed. "Come on, Dongju. Let's make a deal, you can keep the pacifier for a while longer. Get up and go change, and I'll put your things away. You keep the paci until you're done getting ready, ok?"

Dongju still seemed hesitant. "When can I…?"

Youngjo took a while to understand the question, then hummed. "Well, maybe this afternoon. I think we'll be free."

Dongju nodded. "Ok."

Then he got up and headed to Youngjo's closet. Youngjo considered not letting Dongju wear his clothes, because he knew Dongju liked wearing them in headspace. But they would have to change soon anyways, into the clothes the stylists had chosen, so why deny the boy this comfort? 

Dongju changed silently, and Youngjo put away all of the things the boy had used. His toys, sippy cup, blanket, and, once the boy undressed, his onesie. Then he put the box away and turned around, only to see Dongju sitting on his bed, fiddling with his hoodie hem. "Ju? Are you done?"

Dongju pouted, then pulled the pacifier from his mouth with clear difficulty, handing it to Youngjo. The older put it away along with the rest of Dongju's stuff. When he turned around once again, Dongju was chewing on the hoodie string. He raised an eyebrow. Dongju sighed.

"Sorry," he mumbled, spitting out the string.

"I have gum if your oral fixation is really bad today," he offered.

Dongju nodded. They had talked about that, among everything they had discussed. Everyone knew Dongju had an oral fixation, it wasn't hard to notice, but after starting age regression, Youngjo had properly asked the boy about it. They then had talked, and Youngjo had been keeping an eye on the boy since, to keep him from doing any damage to his teeth, jaw and clothes. This was one of the ways they had found to help Dongju. It wasn't the healthiest option, which was why they only resorted to it when it was a really bad day, but it worked well enough.

"Can I regress in the afternoon?" asked the boy, softly.

Youngjo nodded. "I'm pretty sure you can. We have nothing scheduled. In theory."

"Ok. Can I take my blue blanket today?"

Youngjo smiled. "You're talking as if you don't already take it everywhere, Ju." This made the boy smile slightly, although he was also blushing. Trying to keep that smile there, Youngjo risked teasing the boy a little bit. "So… you were wearing my hoodie yesterday. Also, Woongie said he found your pacifier in your bed."

Dongju's cheeks reddened more and he hid his face on his hands. "Oh god."

Youngjo chuckled. "Take your time."

Dongju put his hands down and glared. "I just… missed you. And wanted something to comfort me. So I took your hoodie."

Youngjo pinched his cheeks. "Adorable. And the pacifier?"

Dongju sighed, pouting. "Was excited to have time to regress. And… and I wanted to sleep with it, but I was too scared to actually do it."

Youngjo smiled, but he felt a bit sad. He knew he couldn't force the boy, but he really wanted Dongju to let the other boys know about his regression. It would give him more time to be little, and would make him much more comfortable. He knew Dongju felt anxious when regressing, even if it was just a bit, in fear of being found out. And he knew he felt anxious about that out of headspace as well, way more self-conscious of how he acted than he was before he found out about age regression. They could eliminate all of that anxiety so easily if the others knew… but Dongju was still working through a lot, so Youngjo knew it wasn't the time to bring the topic up.

"I’m really sorry you couldn't regress yesterday, Ju."

Dongju shook his head. "It's ok."

Youngjo ruffled his hair, confident Dongju had his headspace under control. "Come on. The sooner we leave, the sooner we comeback."

Dongju smiled at him.

Dongju tried his best not to look too excited as they headed back to the dorms. The filming had been quick, but the others had insisted on eating out to celebrate the end of their promotions. Dongju would have loved to decline, and half wished Youngjo would do that. But he knew it would be too suspicious, and even more so if the others arrived home later on the day and found out Dongju and Youngjo had locked themselves on the older's room. So they had all gone to a restaurant, and Dongju had done his very best to use his chopsticks. And now they were finally - _finally_ \- going home.

They arrived and Dongju immediately left to Youngjo's room. He knew he should help the older come up with an excuse for the fact that they would be locking themselves away, but he was too tired to think of anything. Plus, Youngjo had experience with that, right?

Dongju had just settled on the bed to wait when Youngjo walked in. He smiled, excited. Youngjo chuckled at him. "I thought you were tired?"

Dongju hummed. "I'm tired of being big," he said, already feeling himself slipping. Youngjo seemed to notice too, because he hurried to speak.

"Ju, before you slip," Dongju groaned. "Woong said he wants to be your caregiver."

Dongju's eyes widened. He remembered Youngjo explaining age regression to Hwanwoong the day before, and even remembered the boy briefly taking care of him. But they hadn't had time to talk, and the idea of Hwanwoong wanting to take care of him for real hadn't even crossed his mind.

"Hwanwoong hyung?"

Youngjo nodded. "We talked yesterday, he was really interested in all of it."

Dongju tried to wrap his mind around that. "But…" he frowned. "He doesn't mind?"

Youngjo frowned as well. "Of course not. Ju, I've told you none of the boys would mind this."

Dongju scrunched up his nose. He wasn't in the mindset to discuss that. "If hyung wants to…" he said.

"You don't have to let him, Ju. It's your choice."

Dongju thought for a second. He tried to imagine Hwanwoong looking after him like Youngjo did, and, surprisingly, noticed he could picture it very well. Because Hwanwoong already took care of him on a daily basis. He teased Dongju constantly, but he also let Dongju cuddle up to him to sleep backstage, paid attention to what Dongju ate so the younger wouldn't snack too much on unhealthy foods, and just overall fussed over Dongju to make sure he was well taken care of.

He felt his cheeks reddening a bit, but his heart felt warm. "I want him to," he mumbled.

Youngjo smiled. "Good. That brings us to the other issue. Yesterday he asked to see your little stuff. I showed him some, but didn't show the doll or the Polly set."

Dongju felt the blush that had just died down coming back up to his cheeks and ears. He knew what Youngjo was asking with that affirmation. Was Dongju comfortable with Hwanwoong seeing those toys? Could Youngjo give them to Dongju when Hwanwoong was around? And Dongju didn't know the answer to that.

Those toys would expose a part of Dongju he wasn't ready to share. The lipstick Giwook had given him was still to be used, hidden away on one of Dongju's backpacks. He hadn't forgotten about it, but he was still gathering the courage to try it. His plan was to start experimenting with it once they were finished with promotions. Either way, he was far from ready to show this side of him to the world. So letting Hwanwoong see the toys…

Making up his mind, Dongju shook his head. "Don't let him see."

Youngjo seemed a bit… Dongju couldn't name the emotion. If he wasn't half way to headspace he might have been able to figure it out, but at the moment, any feeling more complicated than happiness or sadness felt too far out of his comprehension. What mattered was that Youngjo nodded. "I won't. Now come here so hyung can help you change. I bet you're tired of those tight clothes, right?"

Dongju immediately whined, because yes, he was so tired of those grown-up clothes. He wanted his bunny onesie, and his toys, and his blanket, and, most of all, his pacifier. He put his thumb in his mouth. While Youngjo didn't give him the pacifier, that would do.

Dongju smiled as Youngjo helped him lie down. He loved it when the older changed him, because the boy was soft and careful, and he tickled Dongju and caressed his hair. He was so sweet and attentive, and it made Dongju feel warm and loved.

Youngjo pressed a kiss to his nose, then pulled off Dongju's shirt and gave him another kiss, this one on the cheek. He finished undressing Dongju and slid a diaper under him, tapping it tightly, and then adjusting it to make sure it wouldn't hurt the maknae. When Youngjo looked up and smiled, Dongju giggled, feeling happy and giddy. Youngjo lightly tickled him, making him squeal, and then helped him sit up.

"Come on, let's put on this onesie, yeah? We need to buy you more clothes…"

He was helping Dongju put his legs through the holes when someone walked in. Dongju looked up, startled, then relaxed when he noticed it was Hwanwoong. The boy eyed him, then looked at Youngjo.

"Hyung, what is his pacifier for if you let him suck on his thumb? This is unhygienic, he could get sick," fussed the boy. Dongju giggled.

Youngjo snorted. "Well, then make yourself useful and help him get dressed so I can get his pacifier."

Hwanwoong obeyed, helping Dongju get dressed. He was as careful and loving as Youngjo, and Dongju felt warmer than ever. Youngjo pulled his thumb out of his mouth and gave him his pacifier, which he gladly took. "Can I play now?"

Youngjo laughed and nodded. "Of course, Ju. You can show Woong your toys," Dongju squealed. "But I have a few new toys to give you before that."

Dongju gasped. "New toys?"

Youngjo nodded. "Yup. Sit on the bed so I can give them to you."

Dongju hurried to obey. Youngjo reached inside a box Dongju hadn't even noticed before, and picked something up. Dongju felt his tummy bubbling with excitement as Youngjo turned around. There were a bunch of stuffed toys in his arms, and a little… book?

"Hyung, hurry!" he complained.

By his side, Hwanwoong laughed. Youngjo was chuckling too. "Wait a second, you little menace." He put the toys on the bed. "Look, three news friends for you and Doondoongie."

Dongju reached for the toys Youngjo was showing him. He took the three stuffed animals, excited. They were cute and soft, and Dongju just knew Doondoongie would love them as much as he already did. He would have to introduce them later, and make sure to give Doondoongie lots of attention so he wouldn't get jealous…

"Ju?"

Dongju looked up, noticing his two caregivers were looking at him, expectant. He smiled. "I'm gonna introduce them to Doondoongie!"

His caregivers chuckled, and Dongju giggled, because he liked seeing them happy, and they looked happy.

"That's a great idea. There's this one, too, but it's a special one." Dongju's eyes widened. He inspected the plush bear. It seemed normal enough, brown fur and a heart on his paw. "Here, press his paw."

Dongju frowned, but reached for the toy and did as he was told. He squeaked as the toy said a soft 'Hello!'. After a moment of shock, Dongju squealed. He pulled the bear closer, pressing its paw again. This time it said 'I love you!' and Dongju giggled at the new sentence. "Hyung, it talks!"

Youngjo nodded, laughing. "It does. Do you like it?"

Dongju eagerly nodded. "Love it."

Youngjo ruffled his hair. "Last one, ok? Here."

Dongju frowned. It looked like a magazine. He took it, confused. Then he opened it and noticed it was a colouring book. He looked through the pages, excited to find lots of differents things to colour. There were sea pictures, space pictures, lots of animals, and also linking the dots activities, and spot the differences, and a bunch of other stuff. He looked at Youngjo, almost jumping in excitement.

"Hyung, did you get me colouring pencils?" he asked.

Youngjo's eyes widened. Dongju frowned. What did that mean?

"I got you colouring pencils, Ju. Here."

Dongju squealed. "Thank you, Woongie hyung!"

Grabbing his new colouring book and pencils, he lay on the floor. He completely missed the looks his caregivers were exchanging.

"When did you buy those?"

Hwanwoong chuckled. "You showed me the stuff you bought yesterday. I noticed you hadn't bought colouring stuff. Where did you think I went today before filming?"

Youngjo chuckled. "What would I do without you?"

Dongju's whine interrupted them. "Hyung, colour with me!" he demanded.

The other two chuckled. "Which hyung, Ju?" asked Youngjo.

Dongju looked back at them, frowning, then shrugged. "Both."

The other two exchanged a look, then shrugged as well, lying down with the youngest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funny thing is, this chapter was almost finished when I posted the last one, and I thought I would finish it a day after posting, and yet here we are, five days later
> 
> Hope you liked this chapter, and as always I really love reading all of your comments <3


	22. Chapter 22

"You were so cute, Ju!"

Dongju groaned. "Hyung, please stop saying that," he whined. By his side, Hwanwoong chuckled.

"What, I'm only saying the truth," he said, smiling innocently. As if. "You even drew me a picture."

Dongju looked at the ceiling and asked himself what he had done to deserve this. Of course, he wasn't really upset. Inside, he felt warm and soft, and all sorts of mushy feelings. Hwanwoong had been talking about how cute he was in headspace since Dongju slipped out of it, and although Dongju was embarrassed about the things his hyung was saying, seeing Hwanwoong's excitement and genuine happiness about taking care of him made him feel extremely loved and accepted.

And there was something else, and Dongju had confided this part on Youngjo, only: he hadn't felt the weird feeling on his belly that time around when he came out of headspace. Youngjo had been almost as excited as him, and had asked Dongju if it had anything to do with Hwanwoong. Dongju wasn't sure, but he suspected that yes, it did. Hwanwoong being so excited and open about liking taking care of Dongju in headspace made him feel like it was ok to regress. Not that Youngjo didn't make him feel safe, he really did. But maybe because Hwanwoong was younger and closer to Dongju's age it made him feel like he could still be included in his own age group, could still belong.

And yet…

"And the way you played with your plush toys, so cute."

"Hyung, please stop talking."

He really wanted Hwanwoong to stop talking, before his head burst from how much blood was accumulated on his cheeks.

Hwanwoong chuckled, but stopped with one last comment.

"I can't wait to take care of you again. Not that it's much different from what I do daily."

Dongju rolled his eyes, but he knew there was no hiding his smile.

Despite feeling like he had accomplished something with the whole not feeling weird after regressing - though he wasn't convinced it would last, he was still worried it had been a one time thing -, Dongju still had something he needed to work on (who is he kidding, he has lots to work on, but one step at a time).

Dongju had promised himself he would start experimenting with makeup once their promotions were over. While they were still promoting he already had a lot of stress and other things to worry about, and he didn't need the extra emotional tiredness that this whole process would cause him. Now that promotions were over, the time had come. And Dongju felt more nervous than ever, but he was set on doing this. The faster he started the process the faster he would get through it, right?

Once they got back from practice - because finishing promotions only meant they didn't have a choreography to practice, not that they could rest - on the first day after the end of their promotions, Dongju started his plan. He followed his daily routine as usual and then, once he had showered and eaten, he settled on the couch to wait.

As expected, none of the boys stayed up late. They were always extra exhausted after a few weeks of promotion, and wanted to sleep more than anything. Which worked in Dongju's favor, because all he needed was to have the bathroom to himself, with no risk of anyone interrupting. Of course, there was still the chance someone would get up to use the bathroom during the night, but if that happened it probably wouldn't be so soon after going to bed.

Locking himself inside, Dongju looked at his face on the mirror. He knew a fair bit about makeup, from listening to their makeup artists talking and from watching them. He knew pink tones looked good on him, and even knew a few tips to applying lipstick. He also knew how to apply eyeshadow and other products - in theory -, but for now he only needed to worry about lipstick, since it was the only thing he had.

With a sigh, Dongju touched his lips. They were a bit chapped, and he wondered if that would make it harder for him to apply the lipstick. Then he rolled his eyes, because deep down he knew he was only stalling. After a bit of self-convincing, he reached inside his backpack and pulled out the tube of lipstick Giwook had given him.

The lipstick was pretty. It had a light pink colour that wouldn't be too strong on Dongju's lips. That made him relieved and upset at the same time; for all that he was scared of this whole thing, if he was doing it then he wanted to see the results clearly. Shaking his head and forcing his mind to stop drifting, he took the lipstick to his lips on impulse. Then, without thinking, he applied it, trying to focus on the task instead of the fact that his cheeks were burning. Once he was done, he looked at himself in the mirror. 

As soon as he saw his image reflected, he felt his breath catching on his throat. He didn't look too different from how he usually did, and he had definitely worn darker shades before, for performances, but this time it felt different. Because Dongju had done that. He had done it himself and _for_ himself. It wasn't part of a costume or for his stage persona. It was for him, because he liked it, and it made him feel pretty.

He felt laughter building up on his throat, and he let it come out, making sure he wasn't too loud. He felt giddy and light, as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Then he leaned forward, examining his work. He looked at it intently, fixing it a bit, before leaning back and smiling at his reflection. He didn't care that he was so excited about something so little. At the moment he could only feel happiness.

He looked at his image for a while longer, and then, surprising himself, he got the urge to show Youngjo. It was a pleasant surprise. He had expected to be on edge trying on the lipstick, scared of someone seeing him, but… the prospect of showing Youngjo was exciting, not scary. Dongju felt his smile growing. It was too late to wake Youngjo up, but maybe on the next day he could do that.

Still feeling giddy, he decided he should go to bed. He didn't want to. He could stay the whole night staring at the mirror, enamoured with the light shade on his lips. But he had to sleep, and there was still the chance of someone waking up to use the bathroom and catching him, and for all that he felt happy and ready to show Youngjo, he wasn't sure about the others. So he reached for the toilet paper and wiped his lips as well as he could, before throwing the tissue away and leaving the bathroom.

Once outside, he bit on his lip, looking down the hallway. Then, making up his mind, he headed to Youngjo's room. He silently found his pacifier on the boy's drawer and put it in his mouth, and then lay down next to the older, cuddling up to him. Youngjo didn't wake up, but seemed to sense his presence, because he put his arm around Dongju and pulled him closer. Dongju smiled and closed his eyes, slowly drifting off, still thinking about how good it felt to finally let himself be who he was.

Youngjo woke up and immediately frowned. He remembered going to bed alone the day before, but the heat against his chest and the lump by his side indicated there was someone else on his bed with him. Reaching for the covers and pulling them back a little, Youngjo smiled. Dongju was sleeping with his head against Youngjo's chest, breathing deeply. He had his pacifier in his mouth, and he looked so peaceful Youngjo felt bad about waking him up. But he had to. Especially if Dongju was in headspace, because they had a morning schedule.

With a sigh, Youngjo sat up. Dongju whined at the movement, tightening his hold on Youngjo's shirt. Youngjo chuckled. "Ju, wake up." The boy didn't move or respond. Youngjo shook his lightly. "Ju, come on, you need to get up."

He refrained from using any pet names, not wanting to push Dongju further into headspace. Dongju opened one eye and looked at him. He whined. "Wan' to sleep," he mumbled.

Youngjo smiled. "I know, but we have a morning schedule today. We need to leave in… half an hour."

Dongju sighed, but sat up. He rubbed his eyes, then smiled at Youngjo. "Hyung. I… can I show you something later?"

Youngjo frowned. "Wait… you're not in headspace?"

Dongju blinked at him, then blushed and took the pacifier out of his mouth, looking down. "I, uhn, no?"

Youngjo felt himself smiling. It wasn't that surprising that Dongju wanted to use his pacifier out of headspace, considering his severe oral fixation. The boy had even mentioned, on the day Hwanwoong found out about him, that he had taken his pacifier with him to bed because he wanted to sleep with it, But Youngjo had thought it was just because he had been on the verge of slipping, then. Now he was thinking that maybe that hadn't been quite it. He chose not to mention anything, though.

"What is it that you want to show me?"

Dongju's cheeks reddened, and Youngjo felt his curiosity spiking up.

"I'll just show you later, hyung," said the boy.

Youngjo almost whined. His curiosity would keep him wondering all day long. But he noticed Dongju's nervousness, so instead of complaining, he nodded.

"Ok, then. Now get up, we need to get ready for our schedule."

Dongju fidgeted with the bed covers as he waited for Youngjo. The boy had been the one to remember Dongju had something he wanted to show. Well, no. He had been the one to bring it up. Dongju remembered as well, but when it seemed Youngjo had forgotten, he was almost relieved. The night before, alone in the bathroom at night, Dongju had felt confident. Now he wasn't so sure. He knew Youngjo didn't mind. He knew Youngjo wouldn't care. But it made no difference to him, he was nervous all the same. It made him frustrated. How come he had been excited the night before and now he was scared? It made no sense.

And more than that, Dongju felt embarrassed for making a big deal out of this. He had intended to show Youngjo in the morning, but when he had tried to say anything he had frozen, and resorted to saying he would show it later. And he felt stupid for doing that. He knew Youngjo would be curious, and in the end it was something so small… Dongju felt silly for making it into such a big thing.

The door opened and Dongju took in a deep breath.

"Ok, I'm here. Now show me, I've been curious all day long!"

Despite his nervousness, Dongju laughed.

"It's, uhn… it's kinda silly."

There was a moment of hesitation, and Youngjo seemed to read the situation, because his smile softened.

"Well, I love silly things."

Dongju bit on his lip.

"Wait here," he instructed.

Picking up his bag, he walked up to the little mirror Youngjo had in his room. Not giving himself time to think or worry, Dongju reached for the lipstick, uncapped it and took it to his lips. Just like the night before, the sight of the pinkish colour on his lips made him giddy. He was aware of Youngjo watching him, but he forced himself to keep going until he was satisfied. Once he was done, he breathed in deeply and turned around.

His attempt at a smile failed. Instead, he looked at Youngjo nervously. The older smiled.

"You look really pretty, Ju. Pink looks good on you."

The night before Dongju had thought he would end up crying no matter what once he showed Youngjo. Instead, he felt his lips stretching into a big smile. He looked down, embarrassed.

"Thank you, hyung."

"Where did you buy it?" Asked the older.

"Giwook gave it to me. I… I'm thinking of asking him to lend me some other stuff."

He risked a look up as he said that. Youngjo was beaming at him.

"Great idea. I think he would love having someone to talk to about makeup. Now what do you say we watch a movie? We have some time before someone gets hungry and starts complaining about needing food."

Dongju laughed and moved back to the bed, making himself comfortable as Youngjo picked up his laptop.

"Thank you, hyung."

Youngjo raised an eyebrow at him. 

"Why are you thanking me for having good taste, Ju?"

Dongju laughed and settled down to watch the movie, lipstick still on his lips, and feeling warm and safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well this took me a while. Did you guys like this chapter? Ju is working on one of his other issues now! As usual, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I love to read your comments ^.^


	23. Chapter 23

Hwanwoong didn't consider himself a heavy sleeper. He had gotten used to the usual sounds of their room; Keonhee kicking around in his bed, Geonhak snoring, Seoho's mumbles, and even Dongju's toys falling from his bed. So those things didn't wake him up anymore. But unexpected sounds were enough to wake him up, which was probably why he found himself startled awake in the middle of the night, when a clap of thunder sounded in the distance.

Glancing at his clock, he groaned. Three in the morning. Of course. Putting his phone away, he turned to lie on his side to try and go back to sleep. He had just closed his eyes when he heard a little sound, so soft it was almost impossible to hear it over the sound of the storm. Hwanwoong stayed very still, putting all of his effort into hearing what that noise was. A moment later he heard it again. A little sniffle. Hwanwoong frowned. Then another sniffle and a shaky breath. Hwanwoong stood on his bed to peek at the bed above his.

"Ju? Are you ok?"

The light coming through the window was enough for Hwanwoong to make out Dongju's tear streaked face peeking out from his blanket.

"Woongie…" mumbled the boy. 

Another clap of thunder and Dongju whimpered, hiding in his blanket again. The pieces finally clicked on Hwanwoong's brain. Dongju was in headspace right now, and he was scared of the storm. He had probably woken up because of the thunder, and either he was scared and dropped to his headspace, or he was just already feeling little and his little self was scared of thunder.

"Ju, can you come down from your bed?"

Dongju shook his head violently. Hwanwoong bit on his lip. This wasn't good. If they stayed in the room, Hwanwoong would have to climb up to share Dongju's bed with him, and there was always the risk of one of the others waking up and seeing them. Not that that would be a problem, usually, but with Dongju in headspace… if they left, on the other hand, Hwanwoong could give Dongju his pacifier and Frozen blanket, and cuddle him and comfort him without fearing being found out. He raked his brain for an idea.

"But… but my magical powers don't work without my wand, and I forgot it in Youngjo hyung's room, Ju. Can you come with me to get it? Then I can keep the thunder away with a spell."

Dongju's eyes widened at that.

"Hyung can do that?"

Hwanwoong nodded eagerly.

"Of course! But you need to come down with hyung. Can you do that?"

Dongju hesitated for a moment, then nodded. Hwanwoong sighed in relief as the boy climbed down from his bed. Once Dongju was on the ground, Hwanwoong took him by the hand and led him outside.

They headed to Youngjo's room. Hwanwoong's plan was to get Dongju's stuff, a pencil to be his wand, and then head out to the living room. Perfect plan. Dongju refused to wait outside, obviously, so the two of them entered the oldest's room and Hwanwoong headed to Dongju's box of little stuff. He picked up the blanket, which was the easiest to find, then rummaged around for the boy's pacifier. He only remembered Youngjo telling him about there being some stuff Dongju might not be ready to show him when he spotted a doll inside the box.

Honestly, Hwanwoong would have thought nothing of it if he already knew of the doll's existence. It was just a toy, no big deal. But the fact that Dongju had chosen that specific item to hide said a lot. And right next to it there was a polly pocket set, which just made Hwanwoong more sure of his theory. It didn't take a genius to figure out Dongju liked stuff that wasn't traditionally masculine. These toys were just another confirmation.

Feeling guilty, Hwanwoong ignored the toys and continued looking, until he found the boy's pacifier. He took it out and gave it to Dongju, who happily accepted it. He also handed over the blanket and Dongju immediately wrapped himself in it. Hwanwoong smiled. Then the light on the room turned on, temporarily blinding him, and if the little noise he made was anything to go by, blinding Dongju as well.

"What… Woong? Ju?"

Hwanwoong blinked, trying hard to open his eyes. Then he spotted Youngjo, who was next to the light switch sleepily blinking at them.

"Hey, hyung," greeted Hwanwoong. "Did we wake you up? Sorry…"

Youngjo was still frowning. "It's ok, but why are you here?"

"Ju's in headspace. He was scared because of the thunder, so I thought getting him his blanket and pacifier might help."

Youngjo's expression immediately changed to worry as he looked at Dongju, who was sitting on the floor wrapped on his blanket, leaning against Hwanwoong and hugging Doongdoongie, with his pacifier in his mouth. There were still tear streaks on his cheeks, and also the occasional sniffle, though he had stopped crying.

"Oh, Ju, did the thunder scare you?" Dongju whined, nodding, and reached for Youngjo. Hwanwoong almost laughed at how quick Youngjo was to move closer and pull the boy into a hug. "Come on, let's wash that face and then you, me and Woongie can cuddle, what do you say?"

Dongju frowned. "Magic wand."

Youngjo raised an eyebrow. Hwanwoong laughed awkwardly.

"Ah, yeah, that. Uhn, it's…" he looked around. "It's right here, Ju! Abracadabra, scary thunder can't get us anymore."

Hwanwoong waved the pencil he had found on Youngjo's desk and Dongju giggled. Hwanwoong did his best to ignore the way Youngjo was looking at him and how warm his cheeks felt as he surely blushed bright red.

"Right, now that we're safe, let's go."

They ended up cuddling on the couch. Dongju fell asleep as soon as they settled down, and was currently squished between Hwanwoong and Youngjo, sleeping peacefully and completely ignoring the storm going on outside. Hwanwoong wished he could be that peaceful. Instead, he was worrying about the toys he had seen in Dongju's box, and about how to tell Youngjo he had seen them. He rehearsed a few sentences in his head, but none sounded good. In the end, though, they weren't necessary.

"Woong. Stop squirming, you're going to wake Ju up. What's the problem?"

Hwanwoong sighed.

"When I was looking for Ju's pacifier on his box, I…"

Youngjo seemed to understand just from that. "You saw…?"

"His doll and Polly set, yeah."

Youngjo sighed. "Well… we'll have to talk to him about it tomorrow."

Hwanwoong nodded, then pouted. "I'm really sorry, it wasn't my intention, hyung."

Youngjo gave him a reassuring smile. "It's ok, Woong. I know it wasn't. And I know you won't tease him for it or make him feel bad. You'll talk to Ju and everything will be ok, yeah?"

Hwanwoong nodded, then sighed, leaning to rest his cheek on Dongju's head.

"I'm sleepy," he declared.

Youngjo laughed. "You can sleep. I'll wake you up later."

With his guilt and worry at bay, Hwanwoong easily drifted off.

Dongju woke up to someone poking his cheek. He whined, not opening his eyes. The poking continued.

"Hyung," he whined, though he didn't know who was poking him.

"You need to get up, Ju," it was Hwanwoong. "Or I can call Youngjo hyung in here to get you up?"

Dongju whined and opened his eyes. He had his pacifier in his mouth and his Frozen blanket and Doongdoongie on his arms. He turned to lie on his side, facing Hwanwoong.

“I’m up.”

Hwanwoong smiled at him. “Good. I needed to talk to you about something.”

Dongju frowned. He had no idea what Hwanwoong could have to talk to him about. He remembered the previous night fairly well, remembered waking up because of the thunder and being scared and slipping into his headspace. Remembered Hwanwoong taking him to Youngjo’s room and the three of them cuddling on the couch. He noticed he was no longer on the couch. Youngjo had probably carried him. But that wasn’t the point.

“Ju, calm down. It’s nothing bad.”

Dongju figured he probably looked a bit anxious. “Ok. What is it, hyung?”

Hwanwoong bit on his lip.

"Well, you were pretty scared yesterday, so I took you here to hyung's room to get your stuff."

"Yeah, abracadabra, I remember."

Hwanwoong glared at him and Dongju giggled around his pacifier.

"Shut up, you loved it. Anyways, I had to look for your stuff in your box and… well, while I was looking I found some toys I hadn't seen before."

Dongju took a moment to understand what the boy meant, then sat up, heart suddenly beating faster.

"I… you saw…?"

Hwanwoong gave him an apologetic smile and Dongju noticed the boy was brimming with anxious energy.

"I'm really sorry. I know you weren't ready to show me, but I was so focused on getting your stuff to comfort you that I didn't even think…" he sighed. "I really don't mind it. But I'm sorry I saw it without your permission."

Dongju shook his head. "It's ok, hyung. I…" he didn't know what else to say. "I was gonna tell you anyways, sooner or later."

Hwanwoong pouted. "Still, you weren't ready."

Dongju shrugged. It was true, he wasn't ready. But what could he do now? Hwanwoong had already seen it. And he couldn't be angry at the older, because it was an accident. He just… wished Hwanwoong would say something about it besides 'sorry' and 'I really don't mind'.

Thankfully, Hwanwoong seemed to be an expert in reading his moods. As he looked at Dongju awaiting some kind of reaction, his expression suddenly shifted from anxious to a soft, open look. He put a hand on Dongju's knee. "Ju. There's nothing wrong with those toys, you know? I can tell why you didn't want me to see them, but there really is nothing wrong with enjoying typically feminine toys. Or clothes. Or anything, really. And not just when you're in headspace, you know? You can like whatever you want."

Dongju fiddled with his fingers, trying to put his thoughts and feelings into words.

"It's… hyung will think I'm weird."

The sentence sounded more childish than he wanted to, but the whole situation was making Dongju anxious, and anxious Dongju had a tendency to be more childish. Hwanwoong seemed to understand what he meant, though.

"Because you like playing with girls' toys? Never, Ju. I won't think you're weird for liking any kind of toy, or for wanting to wear any kind of clothes, or anything like that. And the rest of the boys wouldn't either, but that's a topic for another day. For now, I just want you to know that you have the right to express yourself however you want. As long as you're not hurting other people, hyung will support you."

Dongju felt warm at those words, as if Hwanwoong had just pulled him into the comfiest hug ever.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier."

"Everyone has their own time, Ju. Especially if this is something you've been struggling with, it's understandable. And you don't owe anyone an explanation, either. If you want to talk about it we'll listen and support you, but you are the one who decides when and how to tell people."

Dongju smiled and nodded.

"Ok, hyung."

Hwanwoong ruffled his hair.

"Now, are you still feeling little or do you just like your pacifier?"

Dongju blushed, noticing he still had his pacifier in his mouth. He took it out.

"Shut up, hyung."

Hwanwoong laughed.

"You can use it out of headspace, you know? If you want to. Now let's go. We have to get ready, and I'm sure Youngjo is on the verge of barging in to see if you're ok."

Dongju giggled. He put his pacifier away and got up. He felt a lot lighter now that Hwanwoong knew. Not fully comfortable, he knew he still had a long way to go until he truly felt comfortable with his likes, but having one more person supporting him felt good. And now he could play with his toys even if Hwanwoong was there. Overall, he would say the previous night's mistake had been a blessing in disguise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I have returned! How are you guys doing? This is kinda short but I hope you liked this chapter, and as usual, I love reading your comments <33


	24. Chapter 24

"Are you sure about this, hyung?"

Youngjo was smiling at him, but Hwanwoong couldn't smile back. His stomach was doing flips in nervousness. 

"Woong, you've been doing great as his caregiver. And Ju loves you when he's little. It's going to be fine."

Hwanwoong bit on his lip. He did think he was good to Dongju when the boy was in headspace, and he honestly adored taking care of the boy. But… well, so far he had never done it alone. Or, well, he had, but Youngjo was always close by, and if something happened Hwanwoong could just call him. The only time Hwanwoong had ever been completely alone with little Dongju was when he found out about the boy's headspace, and it didn't count, because back then Hwanwoong hadn't known Dongju was little.

The problem was that Dongju had been feeling on edge for a while, and he, Hwanwoong and Youngjo all knew it would be good for him to regress. He hadn't really regressed since the whole thunderstorm thing, three weeks earlier, and he was feeling the effects of not slipping in so long. So he had asked to regress. He had never done that before, going up to Youngjo and actually voicing that he wanted to regess. So who was Youngjo to deny? Except Dongju had asked for that the night before. And Youngjo had a packed schedule for the next day. Which was how Hwanwoong ended up in this situation.

"I don't know, hyung…"

Youngjo sighed, putting a hand on his cheek.

"Woong. It's normal to be scared and anxious. Trust me, the first time I properly took care of Dongju I thought I was going to faint at any time. But remember that it's still Dongju. You've been taking care of him perfectly well, and if anything actually serious happens he can slip out of headspace. So try not to worry too much and enjoy the day, ok?"

Hwanwoong sighed.

"Ok, hyung."

Youngjo smiled and then pecked him on the lips.

"I'll go now. Ju has to wake up in about half an hour. See you later, Woong!"

As the door closed behind Youngjo, Hwanwoong smiled. They had been… Hwanwoong didn't know how to describe ir. Since Hwanwoong kissed Youngjo that one time it had become common for them to give each other little kisses every now and then. They hadn't talked about it, and Hwanwoong knew they should and would have to some time soon, but there was a mutual understanding between them that this was something they both wanted. Whatever it was.

Then he noticed the little kiss had distracted him from his anxiousness and laughed. Youngjo really knew how to solve everything. Hwanwoong headed to the kitchen to prepare breakfast, and tried his best not to think of what would happen in half an hour when he had to wake Dongju up.

Hwanwoong smiled. Dongju was peacefully asleep on Youngjo's bed, his pacifier in his mouth. He looked so calm and adorable that Hwanwoong almost didn't want to wake him up. Almost. The boy had a schedule when he was little, and Hwanwoong wasn't about to be a bad caregiver and ignore it. He sat on the bed.

"Ju, wake up," he called, caressing the boy's hair. Dongju whined, turning away from Hwanwoong. The boy rolled his eyes. "Come on, baby, it's time to wake up."

Dongju whined again.

"D'n wan'," he mumbled.

"But, baby, hyung made you kimbap for breakfast. Come on, I know you love kimbap," he bribed. Dongju didn't move. "Oh, so you don't want the food hyung made? Ok, then I guess I'll eat all of it…"

He got up, but couldn't even take a step before a hand closed around his wrist. Smirking, he turned back. Dongju was sitting up, pouting. Hwanwoong chuckled.

"Ready to get up?"

Dongju sighed, but pushed the covers away and stood up, stumbling a bit before steading himself. Hwanwoong held back a smile. Dongju's hair was a complete mess and his eyes were barely open. His cheeks were a bit red, and he was gripping Doongdoongie on one hand, the other rubbing his eye in an attempt to wake himself up.

"M' hung'y," he mumbled.

Hwanwoong offered a hand.

"Let's get something to eat, then," he said and guided the boy to the kitchen. It took a bit of convincing to get Dongju to let go of his pacifier, but Hwanwoong managed, putting it in his pocket before helping Dongju settle on his chair.

They ate leftovers from the previous day's dinner, and as they ate Dongju seemed to wake up a bit more. Soon he was talking about what he wanted to do for the day, and Hwanwoong nodded along, trying to remember the tips Youngjo had given him. Keep Dongju away from sugar, make sure he never took away Doongdoongie or Dongju's Frozen blanket, help Dongju eat… Hwanwoong sighed. He was stressing too much.

"'yung?"

Hwanwoong blinked and noticed he had stopped feeding the boy. Dongju was looking at him with a questioning gaze, looking a bit like a lost puppy.

"Sorry, Ju, got distracted. You said you wanted to play with your doll?"

Dongju smiled and nodded his head, starting to speak again.

Despite Hwanwoong's worries, everything went well, at least for a while. After breakfast he helped Dongju change, letting the boy choose his clothes. Dongju had chosen some of the clothes Youngjo had bought for him recently, a pink sweater that was way too big for him and some white shorts that if Hwanwoong was being honest looked very comfortable.

There was a slight moment of confusion between them, because Hwanwoong completely forgot to put Dongju in his pull ups, but Dongju was very quick to remind him, so they easily avoided a future problem. And then they settled on the living room to play.

The first thing Dongju wanted to do was play with his Polly set. It didn't surprise Hwanwoong at all, but it did make him happy. Hwanwoong was extremely thankful that Dongju seemed to be comfortable letting him know about these toys now, and it was heartwarming to see how careful Dongju was with the toy. It was very obvious how much Dongju treasured it. But that also made Hwanwoong a bit sad, because he knew behind all of that love and carefulness was the fact that Dongju had never gotten to play with the toys he wanted as a kid.

Dongju set his toys on the floor and smiled up at Hwanwoong.

"P'ay wif me?" he asked, much sweeter than he had ever been with Hwanwoong.

"Of course, Ju. How does it work?"

Dongju explained to him how everything was going to go and they started playing. Hwanwoong made a mental note to buy more dolls for Dongju, because then it would be easier for more people to play, and then laughed at himself. Youngjo was right about it being impossible to not want to spoil Dongju.

"You wock the door?" asked Dongju, in his 'Miss Marina' voice. Hwanwoong made his plastic cat nodded.

"I did, we can relax now," he replied.

The story had started out as just a veterinarian looking after pets, but now Dongju's Polly and Hwanwoong's talking cat were fugitives, trying to escape the police. Hwanwoong honestly had no idea how they had gotten there.

After a while Dongju got bored with the toys. He started squirming, and then finally sighed, setting his Polly down. He looked at Hwanwoong.

"'yung, wan' p'ay ewemen's?" he asked.

Hwanwoong frowned.

"How do you play that, Ju?"

Dongju smiled widely.

"We cont'ol ewemen's! Wan' cont'ol fi'e."

Hwanwoong struggled a bit to understand the sentence, but smiled when he managed to make sense of it.

"Ok, then hyung will control water."

Dongju giggled at that, then got up, pulling Doongdoongie along with him.

"Gon' get you!" he said, and Hwanwoong mustered his best scared face before running away.

Hwanwoong should have known. One of the items on Youngjo's list was 'don't let Dongju run around the dorm' with a side note that in case they did anything that involved running he should be very careful, make sure there was nothing on the floor they could trip on and stop if he noticed Dongju was either getting tired or too rowdy. But Hwanwoong, for all that he had been worrying and mumbling the list to himself for most of the morning, completely forgot that one topic.

They had fun playing 'elements'. Dongju was equally happy hitting Hwanwoong with pretend fire as he was getting hit by pretend water, and Hwanwoong was loving the way the boy seemed so carefree and excited. They were so into the play neither of them took a moment to push aside the rug they had in the living room. Of course, that should be Hwanwoong's job, not Dongju's. So he was to blame. They passed it a few times with no incidents. Everything was fine. Until it wasn't.

Hwanwoong entered the living room and jumped over the rug. Dongju ran after him. His foot caught on the rug and he screamed in surprise, and Hwanwoong saw it almost in slow motion as Dongju fell to the ground, one hand holding onto Doongdoongie and his free hand reaching for something to hold on. He found nothing, and in a second he was on the floor. The dorm was completely silent for a moment, with both Hwanwoong and Dongju too stunned to do anything. Then Dongju sat up, looking at his plush toy, and burst out crying.

Hwanwoong wasn't proud of the way he panicked. The first thing that crossed his mind was 'I fucking told Youngjo I wasn't ready' and a lot of swear words. Then he almost ran out of the room to call Youngjo, then considered calling an ambulance, before he finally got himself together and rushed to Dongju on the floor.

"Ju, oh my god, are you ok? Did you get hurt?" Dongju continued to cry, gripping his toy to his chest. "Dongju, please, I need you to tell me what hurts. Can you do that?"

Dongju shook his head. Hwanwoong groaned.

"No what, Ju. You can't do it? You don't know what hurts? Nothing hurts?"

Dongju was now hiccuping from how hard he was crying, still not saying anything, and Hwanwoong noticed he was doing everything wrong. Dongju was still regressed. He needed to comfort him like he would a little kid. And then maybe he would get answers. He sat down next to Dongju and pulled the boy into a hug. Dongju pressed against him, burying his face on Hwanwoong's chest, still holding onto his stuffed toy.

"Shh, baby, it's ok. It was just a scare, everything is ok. Hyung is here, he'll make everything better in a second, yeah? Do you want your pacifier?"

Dongju nodded and turned his head, opening his mouth. Hwanwoong reached into his pocket and picked up the item, putting it in the boy's mouth. Slowly, Dongju's crying died down, and Hwanwoong let out a relieved breath. He pulled back a bit to look at the younger. Dongju looked extremely upset.

"Ju? Can you tell hyung if you got hurt?"

Dongju sniffled, face scrunching up.

"Doongdoon'ie…" and promptly started sobbing again.

Hwanwoong hugged him again, shushing him and rubbing his back.

"Hey, calm down, Ju. What happened to Doongdoongie?" Instead of answering verbally, Dongju pulled back and lifted his toy. It took Hwanwoong a while, but when he spotted the rip on the toy he understood what had happened. He sighed once again in relief. "Oh my, poor Doongdoongie… but Ju, I have good news for you."

Dongju blinked trying to stop the tears from blurring his vision

"Goo' news?"

Hwanwoong nodded.

"Yup. Did you know I'm great at stitching up ouchies like this one?"

Dongju's eyes widened.

"Weally, 'yung?"

"Really! But before we can start helping Doongdoongie we need to wash that face and drink some water. I need an assistant, and you can't help me if you're not feeling well."

Dongju promptly got up.

"Then we go!"

Hwanwoong smiled, heart calming down finally. Ok. Crisis averted. Probably.

"Give me the patient, so I can get him ready for the procedure, then we can go."

Dongju scrunched up his nose, but after pressing a kiss to the toy's fur he handed it to Hwanwoong. Once the toy was safely on the couch, Hwanwoong took Dongju to the bathroom.

After the incident, Dongju didn't want to run anymore. Hwanwoong had stitched up the toy, thanking the heavens he had learned how to stitch, and Dongju had hugged both him and Doongdoongie so hard Hwanwoong thought he would end up with broken ribs. Then they settled on the couch, Dongju with his toy and Frozen blanket and Robocar Poli playing on the TV.

On the surface, everything looked fine. Dongju was quietly sucking on his pacifier and watching the show, and he seemed to be over the rug incident. But when Hwanwoong took a better look he noticed Dongju looked… sad. He bit on his lip.

"Ju?" the boy looked at him. "Are you ok, baby?"

Dongju hummed, nodding, and went back to the TV show. Hwanwoong frowned. Dongju still had a sad look on his face. Racking his brain for a solution, Hwanwoong smiled to himself. He got up and Dongju immediately whined, looking at him with scared eyes. Hwanwoong smiled.

"Wait here, Ju, I have a surprise for you."

Dongju frowned, but Hwanwoong didn't stay back to see his expression. Instead he rushed to his room, opening his wardrobe and looking for his box of memories. It was a little box where he put everything that he wanted to keep, because of the memories it held. And one of the things in it was a kit of colorful hairpins that Haeun had given him for the first time they met. She had said it was a gift because Hwanwoong was very nice, and she wanted him to keep it, and Hwanwoong found the gesture so sweet he had indeed kept it.

And now it would have a use. Hwanwoong was glad he hadn't thrown it away.

As he sat down next to Dongju the boy curiously looked at him, clearly wanting to know what Hwanwoong had brought with him. Hwanwoong picked up his phone, looking for a picture, and then showed it to Dongju.

"Look, Ju, do you want hyung to do that with your hair?"

The way Dongju's eyes shone was precious. The picture wasn't anything amazing, just a hair styled with some hairpins and tiny braids. But Dongju seemed in awe.

"'yung tan?"

Hwanwoong nodded.

"Of course!" Dongju's smile was blinding. "Come on, face that wall so that hyung can do it for you."

Dongju promptly obeyed.

Youngjo smiled as he saw Dongju and Hwanwoong on the floor, cleaning up Dongju's toys. Dongju hated putting his toys away, and usually made a fuss when Youngjo asked him to, but maybe that was just because Youngjo was easy and always gave in, cleaning them up himself.

Then he noticed something on Dongju's hair and frowned. Were those…?

"Ju?" he called.

Dongju looked up in a second, then smiled widely. Yeah, those were hairpins. Where had they…?

"'yung!" yelled Dongju, rushing to hug Youngjo. Youngjo laughed and hugged back.

"Hey, baby. Your hair looks pretty."

Dongju smiled, looking down. Youngjo noticed his cheeks were red.

"Woong 'yung made fo' Ju."

Youngjo smiled.

"It looks amazing. You should let him do it more times."

Dongju gave him a blinding smile, and Hwanwoong approached them.

"Hey, hyung," he greeted, smiling shyly, and Youngjo remembered what he had done before leaving. He blushed.

"Hey. Everything ok?"

Hwanwoong cringed.

"We had a bit of a situation. But everything is fine now, right, Ju?"

Dongju nodded.

"Doongdoongie stited," he said.

Youngjo raised an eyebrow, but Hwanwoong shook his head.

"I'll tell you later. Now we have to finish putting things away, right, Ju?"

Dongju scrunched up his nose.

"Don' wan'," he said, and Youngjo couldn't help but to laugh.

Hwanwoong snorted.

"See, hyung? He's only like that cause you spoil him."

Youngjo shrugged.

"I'll do anything to make my baby happy." Dongju giggled and Hwanwoong rolled his eyes, but he seemed more amused than anything. Youngjo was glad. He had also been anxious about leaving Dongju and Hwanwoong alone for so ling, and he was happy to see everything had worked out. "Now let's clean up and then maybe we can watch a movie, what do you say?"

Dongju clapped in excitement and Hwanwoong laughed.

"Sure, hyung. Let's go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literal wrote this and then never touched it again, so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes hehe
> 
> Anyways, hope you guys like it ^.^


	25. Chapter 25

Dongju chewed on his lip as he stared at the closed door. Giwook had assured him that he would be alone at the dorm for most of the day, and Youngjo and Hwanwoong had assured him he could always tell Giwook if something made him uncomfortable and Giwook would stop. Still, Dongju was nervous. He had been getting better at the whole liking makeup and other stuff thing, but what he was about to do was still a huge step.

A few days earlier Youngjo and Hwanwoong had convinced him to talk to Giwook about makeup, because apparently Giwook loved that kind of stuff. Which Dongju already knew, really, since that one time Dongmyeong had dragged a Giwook with a full face of makeup to their dorm. And after a bit of struggle and many unsent texts, Dongju had finally convinced his finger to press 'send', and since then he and Giwook had been talking about it. And that was how Giwook had ended up asking if Dongju wanted to go over and look at his stuff, and the reason why Dongju was now staring at the closed door of Onewe's dorm.

Taking a deep breath, Dongju told himself everything was going to be ok and knocked on the door. A moment later it was open and Giwook was smiling brightly at him, and Dongju almost jumped back in surprise at the speed.

"Hey, Ju!"

Dongju smiled back, trying to calm his racing heart.

"Hey," he replied awkwardly, as if they hadn't known each other since they were little kids.

Giwook laughed.

"Come on, I've already gotten my things," he said, and pulled Dongju by the hand into the dorm, closing the door behind them.

Giwook led Dongju to his room, and when Dongju spotted the boy's bed he felt his eyes widening.

"Jesus, Wook."

Giwook laughed. His bed was a sea of makeup items. There were eyeshadow palettes, at least ten different tubs of lipstick, blush and foundation and a bunch of stuff Dongju couldn't even begin to wonder the use to.

"Yeah, I… have a lot of stuff. Come on, let me show you everything and then maybe you can try some of it on!"

The idea made Dongju feel half excited and half queasy, but the way Giwook was smiling was very reassuring. He shuffled closer to the bed and pushed some stuff away, making space for himself. Giwook settled next to him, much less ceremoniously pushing his things away and sitting cross-legged.

"Did you like the lipstick I gave you? It was very light, but I'm sure it looked pretty."

Dongju blushed.

"I liked it," he said, then decided since Giwook was being so nice he could make an effort to at least keep the conversation going. "I-I think maybe I would like something stronger…"

Giwook beamed at him, hand flying to one of the lipstick on the bed.

"I think it would be nice, too. Here, look at this one." Dongju took the lipstick, feeling a smile tugging on his lips. He uncapped it and looked at the colour. It was definitely darker than the one Giwook had given him, not pink but also not exactly red. It looked very pretty, and Dongju wondered… "Do you wanna try it?"

Dongju bit on his lip. He did want to try it, but with Giwook there he wasn't sure he could do it. The boy seemed to understand what his silence meant, because he smiled more softly.

"It's ok if you don't want to right now. You can choose the one you like the most and take it home today," he said, reaching for another tub of lipstick and then applying it to his own lips as if it was nothing.

Dongju's heart skipped a beat. He knew what Giwook was doing, putting on the lipstick to show Dongju that it was ok, that he wouldn't judge, and that if Dongju did choose to put on the lipstick he wouldn't be alone. Dongju spoke up.

"I, do you have a lighter colour?"

A bit ridiculous, considering he had just asked for a darker one, but if he was going to spend the day with Giwook wearing lipstick he preferred to start with something that wouldn't be so obvious.

Giwook nodded, looking through the stuff in the bed and offering another colour to Dongju. This one was light pink, just a shade darker than the one Dongju had tried before. Something of a compromise. Dongju smiled and then grabbed a mirror, because he knew if he just put it on like Giwook had done he would end up with a mess.

Giwook knew a lot about makeup. After the lipstick he had started showing Dongju everything he owned and what they were for, and Dongju was in love with all of it. Everything was so pretty and there were so many colours and everything was so shiny… he absolutely loved it. So much so that he didn't notice when he started feeling little.

He should have known, really. Dongju loved colours and glitter even when he wasn't in headspace, but shiny colourful things were definitely one of his triggers. So with the amount of colour and glitter there was in Giwook's bed it was a surprise Dongju had lasted so long. A little alarm went off on his head when he squealed as Giwook showed him a pink blush he loved, but Dongju ignored it. He was excited, this day was one of the best days of his life. He didn't want to leave. Then Giwook pulled out an eyeshadow palette and it was over for Dongju.

Out of everything makeup related, Dongju loved eyeshadow the most. They came in so many colours and they had glitter, and they were just so pretty. He was always frustrated when the makeup artists always put him in the same boring black or grey eyeshadow, or a light pink that was almost unnoticeable, if they were feeling bold. There were just so many colours to use… 

Giwook picked up the palette and opened it, and Dongju's first instinct was to squeal and giggle, and maybe shove his finger in one of the colours and apply to his face. That immediately made him notice what had happened. He tensed. Giwook noticed, frowning.

"Ju? Are you ok?"

Dongju cleared his throat, trying hard to control his little side.

"I, uhn, yeah, I just… I need to call someone, can you give me a minute?"

Giwook looked a bit worried, but nodded. Dongju forced a smile and left the room.

Giwook was probably completely confused. So far they had been having fun, and Dongju knew he had been smiling and laughing all morning, so this sudden change in mood wouldn't go unnoticed. But he couldn't worry about that right now. He dialed Youngjo's number and waited.

Youngjo picked up with a very confused 'Dongju?'

Dongju sniffled. 

"Hyung? Can you come pick me up?"

_"Pick you up? Aren't you with Giwook? I thought you guys were in the Onewe dorm."_

"We are," replied Dongju, hoping Youngjo would understand.

_"It's just a few floors, Ju, why do you need me to pick you up? Did something happen?"_

Dongju whined. "Hyungie…"

_"Oh. Oh, ok, I'm going. Be there in a minute, stay there."_

Dongju sighed in relief as Youngjo hung up. He turned around to go back to the living room to wait and came face to face with Giwook.

"You called someone to pick you up?"

Dongju froze. He stared at Giwook, not knowing what to say, because he knew there was no explanation for him calling one of his hyungs to pick him up, considering they lived in the same building.

"I, uhn, it's…"

Giwook waited patiently, but when it became obvious Dongju wasn't going to say anything else he spoke up.

"Did something happen, Ju? You were fine just now, and you got really happy when I showed you the glittery eyeshadows, but then you immediately went tense. Is this… is it because you're having a hard time accepting…?"

Dongju shook his head. He _was_ still working on accepting his interest in feminine stuff, yes, but he felt safe with Giwook, especially after the morning they had been having. So that really wasn't the problem right now. He bit on his lip. God, he wished he had his paci.

"Ju just… I just… like the glittery eye thingy," he said, trying his best to sound like an adult and probably failing completely. Eye thingy? Really? He felt his eyes starting to water. He was scared, because he was slipping in front of Giwook, and when it happened around his group it wasn't a problem, cause they were used to him being childish and to taking care of him. But Giwook wasn't and he was younger than Dongju, and… 

"Ju? Are you crying? Hey, come on, what happened?"

Before Dongju could reply there was a knock on the door. Giwook seemed hesitant to leave him alone, but after a second knock he went over to let the person in.

"Where is Dongju?" Dongju perked up at Youngjo's voice. He rushed to the dorm entrance.

"Hi to you too, hyung," came Giwook's teasing reply. "He's in the…"

"Hyung!"

Youngjo's eyes widened as he saw Dongju rushing towards him, but he wisely opened his arms and let the younger crash against him. Dongju immediately melted, feeling safe with Youngjo there. If Youngjo was there, he didn't have to worry about anything, because Youngjo would deal with the hard adult-y stuff.

"Hey, Ju," said the older, pressing a kiss to his head. "Are you ok?"

Dongju hummed. "Hmm m'kay."

"Hyung?" he heard Giwook ask, but he didn't care. He knew Youngjo would deal with it.

"Ok, I think we should talk."

"He was fine until I showed him the glittery eyeshadow I got the other day. He got really excited about that one, but then after a moment he went really tense and said he needed a minute," Dongju barely paid attention to the conversation, busy playing with Youngjo's hoodie string. "I followed him cause I was worried, and heard him asking someone to pick him up. When I asked him about it he got really nervous, so I asked if it was because he still didn't feel comfortable talking so much about makeup and stuff, but he said he liked the, how did he call it? Glittery eye thingy. Which I guess is the eyeshadow? Anyways, then he seemed to get really upset, and then you arrived, hyung."

Dongju felt Youngjo humming, because his head was resting on the older's chest.

"Yeah, I… it's our rule."

Dongju looked up at that. Youngjo was already looking at him, and when they made eye contact, Dongju understood the question on the older's eyes. 'Can I tell him? We can trust Giwook.' Dongju chewed on his lip, then sighed and nodded, lying back down against Youngjo's chest. If Youngjo trusted Giwook with this, then he did too. Besides, it would probably be hard to explain Dongju's behavior without mentioning age regression. They could say it was anxiety, but Dongju had already said it wasn't because of the makeup, so…

"Rule, hyung?"

"Yeah. When Dongju is feeling little outside, he has to either call me or Hwanwoong."

"Little?" Dongju could _feel_ Giwook's confusion.

Youngjo hummed.

"There is this thing called age regression. It's when someone mentally regresses to a younger age. People do it for various reasons, could be because of trauma or as a form of therapy. But some people just do it to relax, or because they enjoy it. Which is Ju's case. Ju said he missed having someone to take care of him, and that sometimes it was too hard to take care of himself, so to help him stop neglecting his needs I became his caregiver. A caregiver is someone who takes care of a person in headspace. Or a little, as it's called."

There was silence for a moment, and Dongju felt tense. He looked at Youngjo, eyes tearing up. Would Giwook hate him?

"Hyung…"

Youngjo kissed his forehead, shushing him.

"Ju, it's ok, relax. Giwook is just taking everything in, right, Wook?"

Dongju risked a look at his same-age friend. Giwook seemed to be deep in thought, but at Youngjo's words he seemed to wake up. He smiled.

"I'm just trying to understand, Ju. You don't have to worry, ok?" Dongju hummed and lay back down against Youngjo. "So… he acts like a little kid? How does that work?"

Youngjo reached into his pocket, and took out Dongju's pacifier.

"He has things like this, for example."

Dongju whined, opening his mouth. Then he remembered Giwook and immediately closed it. He couldn't fully slip right now, he… 

"Ju, you can have your pacifier, I don't mind!"

Dongju eyed the boy, then looked at Youngjo, who gave him an encouraging smile.

"Ok…"

With the pacifier in his mouth, he relaxed once more. Youngjo continued talking.

"When he's like this, we help him eat, shower, get dressed or undressed, all of that stuff. He has toys, too, to play with. Basically, he's just a kid."

Dongju was barely listening. He had been extremely tense since he felt himself slipping when Giwook showed him the eyeshadow, and only now was he starting to relax. As a result, he felt tired and sluggish, and he just wanted to curl up with his Frozen blanket and take a long nap.

"What triggered this, though?" he heard Giwook ask. Youngjo's chest rumbled as he laughed.

"Ju loves sparkly stuff and glitter, right, Ju?" Dongju hummed. Youngjo started running a hand through his hair. "So when you showed him the eyeshadow, he probably got super excited and slipped. As I said, we have a rule. If he feels little when he's alone, he has to call either me or Woong."

"Why not the others?"

"Well… Woong and I are the only ones who know. And now you."

"Not even Dongmyeong?" Dongju felt Youngjo shaking his head. "Oh."

Youngjo said something in reply, but by then Dongju was already falling asleep. He let his eyes close and slowly drifted off.

Dongju woke up to a message from Giwook, which just said something along the lines of 'just letting you know I'm ok with this age regression thing, and that you looked really cute with a pacifier in your mouth, and if you wanna play with makeup while regressed one day I would love to play with you.' It warmed Dongju's heart, but it also made him notice reading was tiring and feelings were complex, and he really wasn't in the mood for any of that.

He rubbed his eyes, noticing his pacifier in his mouth and his Frozen blanket covering him. Doondoongie was by his side. He frowned. Had Youngjo…? A blurry memory surfaced, of Youngjo feeding him and helping him wash his face and brush his teeth, then putting him in his bunny onesie and putting him to bed. Oh. He reached to his head and smiled as he felt his onesie's bunny ears. Then he lay back down, snuggling against Doondoongie, and promptly fell asleep again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, take this quick update as an apology for keeping you guys waiting for so long.
> 
> Did you like it? Comments are v appreciated, as usual ^.^


	26. Chapter 26

"Ju, do you wanna see what Wook got you?"

Dongju immediately perked up, eyes shining. It had been a few days since Giwook had found out about Dongju's age regression, and they had talked a bit about it, once Dongju mustered the courage to reply to the boy's text. During their talk, Giwook had said he would get Dongju a present and asked Dongju what he wanted. Dongju had been embarrassed about voicing it, but had told Giwook, after a lot of convincing and Dongju saying 'you don't need to get me anything'.

True to his words, Giwook had bought him a present, but Dongju had chosen not to open it until he was in headspace. Now he had found time to regress again, with Hwanwoong and Youngjo taking care of him, and it was finally time for him to see if Giwook had gotten him what he had asked for.

"Gimme, 'yung!" he asked, reaching for the box on the older's hand.

Youngjo laughed and gave him the box, and Dongju immediately started opening it, excited to see what was inside. When he finally opened the box, he squealed.

"Do you like it?" asked Hwanwoong.

Dongju whined, pulling the Barbie doll out of the box and handing it to Youngjo.

"Op'n, op'n, op'n," he chanted. Youngjo took it from him and cut the ties holding the doll, then gave it back to Dongju. He squealed. "We p'ay? P'ease!"

The two older boys smiled down at him and sat next to him.

"Ok, what's the story this time?"

Youngjo sighed in relief as he noticed Dongju had fallen asleep as Youngjo brushed his hair. They had played with Dongju's new Barbie for hours, and Youngjo wasn't sure if he should thank Giwook for being so thoughtful and getting Dongju a present or curse the boy. They were so drained they had made a deal. Hwanwoong would give Dongju a bath, but then would be done with taking care of Dongju for the day, and Youngjo would be responsible for putting the boy in bed and watching him.

He carefully pulled Dongju's towel away and struggled a bit to put a diaper on the boy. Once he was done he pulled the covers over Dongju foregoing any other clothes, and kissed the boy's forehead. Then he looked around for something to do while he waited for Dongju to wake up and noticed how inviting his bed looked. Youngjo chuckled. Taking care of Dongju was great, but boy, was it tiring at times. Deciding he deserved a little nap, Youngjo lay down next to Dongju and closed his eyes, smiling as the younger snuggled against him. He was asleep in a second.

When Youngjo woke up he felt cold and confused, which was weird. Usually he did feel a bit sore after sleeping next to Dongju, because their beds were not made for two, but it was so nice to cuddle with the boy that he always felt happy after a nap with the younger. This time, something was different.

Youngjo frowned as he noticed he wasn't just feeling cold. He also felt… wet? Pushing the covers away, Youngjo raised an eyebrow in surprise. The bed was wet. Had he forgotten to put a diaper on Dongju? But he remembered… Youngjo froze, feeling panic well up on his chest. He blindly reached for the bedside lamp, not even noticing the way Dongju whined at the sudden light. He looked at Dongju. He was wearing his diapers. With a lump on his throat, Youngjo looked at his own pants. Which were soaked.

For a moment, Youngjo sat there completely frozen. This could not be happening. He… it had been years since it had last happened, why the hell had it…? Trying to keep calm, Youngjo got up. He took off his pants and shoved them under his bed. Then he put a few pillows on the floor and picked Dongju up, trying his best not to wake the boy. He sighed in relief as he noticed Doongdoongie hadn't gotten wet.

Once he had put Dongju on top of the pillows he quickly pulled the sheets from his bed, cringing as he noticed the mattress was wet. Fuck. He didn't have time to deal with that now. He flipped the mattress and picked up a new set of sheets, putting them on the bed. Then he left the room with a towel around his waist and headed to the bathroom. He took the quickest shower he could, then grabbed a damp towel and headed back to his room.

Dongju was still sleeping. Good. Youngjo carefully cleaned him up where he had gotten wet, and once he was done he put the boy back on the bed. Then he left again, putting his soaked clothes on the washing machine, and finally headed back to his room, letting himself sit down on his bed. And then what had happened finally caught up to him.

Youngjo cursed, rubbing his face. This could not be happening. It made absolutely no sense. Ok, yeah, he had had problems with bedwetting as a kid, but it had been years since that had stopped. And now it had come back? No. It couldn't be. Maybe he was just tired? Yes, that was definitely it. He had been exhausted from playing with Dongju, so exhausted he had fallen asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow. He didn't even have time to use the bathroom before falling asleep, and he was so tired he was sleeping too deeply to wake up to go pee.

In the back of his mind, Youngjo knew that made absolutely no sense. No one who didn't wet the bed had trouble getting up during the night to go use the bathroom. Even he had woken up countless times to go pee, no matter how tired he was. But if that wasn't the reason, he would have to face the possibility that his little problem was coming back, and he really didn't need this right now. So… 

"'yung?"

Youngjo almost screamed in surprise. He turned to his side. Dongju was looking at him, rubbing the sleep away from his eyes.

"Hey, Ju. You're up."

Dongju hummed. Youngjo took a deep breath and pushed every thought about what had happened out of his mind. It was just a one time thing. Nothing to worry about.

It wasn't a one time thing. After that first time, Youngjo continued to have problems with wetting the bed. It wasn't often enough to cause any suspicion on the other boys about how often Youngjo was changing his bedsheets, but it sure was enough to make Youngjo panic. It was often enough that Youngjo started to avoid sleeping.

That one didn't go unnoticed. Hwanwoong was the first one to sense something wrong, and Youngjo felt _bad_ for lying to him, because they were dating now, but… he couldn't let Hwanwoong know. They had just started dating, what would Hwanwoong do once he found out his boyfriend was a baby who still wet the bed? No. He couldn't tell him.

Dongju noticed too, probably because his cuddle sessions with Youngjo had been drastically reduced. He didn't say anything, but Youngjo noticed the boy acting sweeter towards him, and he appreciated it, knowing it was Dongju's way of saying 'if you want to talk, I'm here.'

The others noticed, too, Youngjo knew, but none of them seemed to know what to do about it, for what Youngjo was glad. None of them, except Seoho.

Youngjo was in his room one night, reading and trying to pretend he wasn't about to faint from exhaustion, when Seoho entered the room.

"Hyung?"

Youngjo looked up and tried to smile.

"Hey."

Seoho sat next to him on the bed, and he was acting so careful, like he was trying to coax a scared baby animal out of hiding.

"Hyung, are you ok?"

Youngjo snorted.

"I'm great."

Seoho didn't seem convinced, and Youngjo couldn't blame him. He was clearly not ok. But to his surprise, the boy hummed.

"Ok. Can I sleep with you tonight?"

Youngjo didn't know what to do. Everyone knew he loved cuddling, so it would be very weird if he said no. On the other hand… he sighed. It wasn't like he was going to sleep, anyways. He made space for Seoho on the bed.

"Hop on."

Seoho smiled and obeyed. Youngjo should have known better, because Seoho was a sneaky little shit. But he was too tired to think. He didn't notice what Seoho was doing when the younger started running a hand through his hair, and didn't notice when Seoho slowly started helping him lie down. And he definitely didn't notice when his eyes closed and he fell asleep.

It was a weird situation to be in. No matter how much you loved your friends and how open-minded and accepting you were, it was definitely a weird situation to be in. Seoho chewed on his lip for the millionth time. His pyjamas were in a little ball near the bed, and he was trying to figure out how to wake Youngjo up without making this worse than it would already be for the older. 

For another two minutes he stared at Youngjo, and then he noticed there really was no easy way of handling this.

“Hyung.” He called. His voice came out soft and low. He cleared his throat. “Hyung, hey.”

Youngjo groaned, but barely moved. Seoho sighed and reached for the boy, shaking him. Youngjo opened his eyes, looking at Seoho in sleepy confusion. Seoho opened his mouth to say something, anything, but Youngjo was faster than him. Seoho could tell the exact moment Youngjo noticed the wet bed under him. The boy’s eyes widened and he sat up, trying to get away from the wetness before noticing Seoho and trying to cover everything up.

“Please kill me.”

He said, possibly remembering Seoho had slept in the same bed as him. Seoho smiled softly, hoping it would show Youngjo that this wasn’t a problem.

“It’s ok, hyung, really. We, uhn, we can just clean it up.”

Youngjo was still hiding his face in his hands.

“I’m so sorry, Seoho, oh god. Shit, and your clothes… fuck.”

Alarming words, really, because Youngjo wasn’t one to curse. His face was completely red, but he also looked so… tired. Seoho knew the boy was exhausted, all of them had noticed the dark bags under his eyes, but this was different. It wasn't a tiredness from lack of sleep, it was as if Youngjo was emotionally exhausted.

“Hyung, it really isn’t a big deal. I’ve already cleaned up, now we only need to get you cleaned up and then wash our clothes and the sheets and then it’ll be over,” he said, trying to sound comforting.

Before he even finished speaking, however, Youngjo was already shaking his head.

“It won’t be over. It won’t, cause then it’ll happen again tomorrow or the day after that, and then again, and again, and…”

Seoho tilted his head.

“Has this… been happening a lot, hyung?” he asked.

He already knew the answer. They had started noticing the tiredness in the boy long ago, and if this was the cause, then… Youngjo sighed, finally looking at him.

“You must think I’m a big baby," he said.

Seoho immediately shook his head. He didn’t think that. He had been confused when he woke up to a wet bed, and really surprised when he noticed it was wet because Youngjo had wet the bed. But since then the only thought on his head had been ‘help Youngjo hyung clean up’ along with ‘make sure hyung is ok’.

“Of course not. You just had an accident, hyung, there’s probably an explanation to this. Look, why don’t you clean up and then we can talk about it?" he suggested.

Youngjo sighed, then nodded.

“Ok.”

Once everything was clean and Youngjo's bed had new sheets, they settled on the older's room. The boy was quiet, head still hanging low, eyes trained on the ground.

“Ok, so, I’ll just ask. Is this something that happens often, hyung?”

Youngjo shifted, clearly uncomfortable.

“It… has been happening a lot, lately.”

Seoho nodded.

“But it’s never been a problem before, right?”

Youngjo bit on his lip, before sighing.

“I, uhn… w-when I was a kid I used to have problems with bed-wetting. Like, I was eight when I stopped wetting the bed, and even after that I had accidents at times. But it has been really long since it stopped happening. I was fifteen the last time it happened. But now…”

Seoho nodded, shifting closer to hold Youngjo’s hand. Youngjo was a tough person, and he rarely asked for help or comfort, but Seoho could see this was exactly what the older needed at the moment.

“As I said earlier, hyung, there’s probably an explanation for this. If it came back all of a sudden then there’s probably some kind of… trigger? Something like this. Do you have any idea…?”

Youngjo’s face was reddening. Seoho almost squealed, because Youngjo didn’t blush often and it was actually very cute, but he contained himself.

“I… I, it’s… maybe?”

Seoho raised an eyebrow.

“Very clear speech there, hyung.”

Youngjo glared, but Seoho could see he didn’t look as sad anymore. He internally cheered.

“I think I know the reason, now that you talked about there being a trigger, but… but it doesn’t make total sense, and…”

He shook his head. Seoho squeezed his hand.

“Can you tell me about it?”

Youngjo shook his head.

“I can’t. It involves Ju as well, and… yeah.”

Seoho frowned, then remembered how Youngjo had said Dongju was working through some stuff and Youngjo was helping him with it.

“Oh. Can you… tell me about the part that doesn’t involve Ju?” he asked.

Youngjo thought for a second, then sighed.

“It’s just… the other day there was a situation and… and I had an accident while I was asleep. That… there was a reason for that one, I know why it happened. But then after that it kept happening again and again, and I have no idea why.”

Ok, that wasn’t that helpful. Seoho sighed.

“Well, I can’t do much since I don’t know the whole situation, but… try to see if there’s a link between that one situation and the other instances where it happened?” he suggested.

Youngjo sighed.

“I guess that’s the only thing I can do…”

Seoho smiled at him.

“Cheer up, hyung. I’m sure you’ll figure it out quickly. And until then just remember it’s not a big deal, yeah? And you can always come to me if you need anything. Ok?”

Youngjo finally gave him a little smile.

“Ok. Thanks, Seoho. Really.”

Seoho smiled back.

“Love you, hyung.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm, let's give Ju a rest and go work on Youngjo's issues, shall we?
> 
> Did you guys like the chapter? Remember your comments are always very much appreciated ^.^


	27. Chapter 27

Seoho blinked, then blinked again trying to process the situation. It didn’t work. Now, working as an idol and living with Dongju, Hwanwoong and Keonhee, Seoho had seen his fair share of weird stuff. But no matter how much the others had surprised him through the years of knowing each other, nothing had prepared him to see Dongju and Youngjo sitting on the living room floor, playing with a Barbie doll. Well, not only a Barbie doll. There was the doll and then a whole bunch of plastic animals, and really what the hell was going on?

“Ju? Hyung?”

The two boys on the floor froze. They turned to him, identical expressions of shock on their faces. Dongju had a pacifier in his mouth. Seoho hadn’t seen it before. And then Dongju’s eyes started watering and he got up, running to Youngjo's room, his doll still clutched in his hand. Seoho blinked. Fuck, he had not meant to upset the boy. Youngjo sighed.

“Well. That wasn’t good.”

Seoho looked at him.

“Is he ok? Did… did I hurt him?”

Youngjo gave him a funny look, as if he was surprised and somewhat pleased.

“He’s fine. I’ll… can I talk to him before we explain everything to you?”

He asked. Seoho nodded.

“Of course, hyung. I’ll be here. With, uhn, with the toys. Do you… want me to put them away?”

This time around Youngjo let out a little giggle.

“That would be good, yeah. Thanks, Seoho.”

As the older left the room, Seoho headed to where the toys were. He started gathering everything, trying to come up with any sort of explanation he could to what he had seen.  
Was this what Youngjo meant when he said Dongju was working through some stuff? This sure seemed like something Dongju would want to keep a secret. Not that Seoho thought he had to. He wouldn’t mind it if Dongju… what? Had a pacifier? Played with toys? He didn’t mind either of those, but he also didn’t know what else this whole thing entailed. But then again, Youngjo was also playing with the dolls, so was this really the stuff Dongju was working through?

Oh, but Youngjo didn’t have a pacifier in his mouth and he hadn’t run out of the room in tears. So maybe he was just keeping Dongju company while he… what? Played? Oh, did this have anything to do with Youngjo's bedwetting problem?

His thoughts were interrupted by Youngjo walking back into the room. He was pulling Dongju by the hand and the younger boy was holding onto Doondoongie and a Frozen blanket Seoho had never seen before. Seoho immediately pushed all thoughts aside and focused on the current situation.

“Hey, Ju. Are you ok? I didn’t mean to startle you, sorry,” he said, wanting to make sure Dongju understood he was ok with whatever was going on, even if he had no idea what was actually going on.

Dongju looked at him with wide eyes, then looked at Youngjo, then back at Seoho. He took his blanket to his mouth, lightly biting on it.

“It’s ok, hyung,” he said, voice softer than Seoho had ever heard.

Dongju had a quite childish manner of speaking, always saying things cutely, but he was usually loud as hell. Seoho had never seen him this soft. Youngjo gently pulled the blanket from the boy’s mouth.

“Ok, why don’t we have a seat and talk about this, hum?”

Seoho nodded, putting the toys he had cleaned up on the floor and sitting on the couch. Dongju sat on the opposite end, curled up with his Frozen blanket and Youngjo pulled a chair closer to the couch, sitting down there.

“Right, so. Any questions right off the bat, Seoho?” asked the oldest.

Seoho thought for a moment, then shook his head.

“Not really. I mean, you guys were only playing, right? With the Barbie and stuff. And Ju had a pacifier, but Ju is always biting on stuff, so I think that’s quite self explanatory.”

Dongju huffed, an indignant little noise that had Seoho and Youngjo chuckling.

“You’re right, we were just playing and Ju’s pacifier does have to do with his oral fixation. But it goes beyond that. Have you ever heard of age regression?”

By the time Youngjo was done explaining, with a few interruptions by Dongju to correct the older on a thing or another, Seoho was very confused, and also very interested.

“So Ju sometimes feels like a little kid,” he said.

Dongju shrugged.

“Kinda.”

He replied.

“And when you feel like that you lose some of your adult skills?” he questioned.

Dongju made a face.

“Well… kinda. Like… if I try hard I can surely do everything as I normally do, but doing that makes me grumpy and stressed and sad,” he said.

Seoho smiled. Dongju had been really shy at the beginning of the explanation, cheeks red, chewing on his blanket. By now, however, he was answering all of Seoho’s questions – the ones that interested him –with little hesitation. He also seemed to be having a bit of trouble speaking and forming sentences, but Seoho decided not to mention any of that.

“And you’re his care-caregiver? Is that it, hyung?”

Youngjo nodded.

“Yup.”

Seoho nodded.

“So you take care of him and stuff.”

Youngjo nodded again. “That’s basically it, yeah.”

Seoho thought for a moment.

“Can a caregiver be a little, too?”

The question clearly took both boys by surprise. Seoho tilted his head. Had he asked something bad? It made sense to him. Maybe Youngjo was a little, too, and that was why he was having problems during the night.

“Uhn, I think so, yes.” It was Dongju who replied. “I’ve read about caregivers who are also littles and littles who are also caregivers… wait, those are the same. But you got it, hyung.”

Seoho chuckled.

“I did. And… well, can a little have more than one caregiver?”

He asked. Youngjo cleared his throat, and he seemed to be coming back from some kind of deep reflexion.

“Of course. Ju has me and Woong.”

Dongju nodded. Seoho bit on his lip.

“Uhn, do you think… do you think I would make a good caregiver?” he asked.

Once again, he seemed to surprise the boys. Dongju blushed.

“I-I don’t know, hyung. Maybe?”

Seoho smiled, trying to mask his nervousness.

"Could I try being your caregiver? Along with Youngjo hyung and Woongie?”

Dongju’s eyes lit up.

“Are you for real, hyung?”

He asked. Seoho shrugged.

“If you, Woong and Youngjo hyung are ok with it…”

Dongju squealed, turning to Youngjo.

“Hyung…” he whined.

Youngjo laughed.

“Yes, please. It’ll be great to have some help with this little hurricane.”

Seoho laughed and Dongju pouted.

“I’m not that bad. And Woongie hyung helps you already.”

Youngjo laughed.

"Sure, Ju," he said, ruffling the boy's hair.

Seoho smiled. He still didn't fully understand what was going on, but he couldn't wait to find out more about this age regression stuff they were talking about. And honestly, taking care of Dongju when he was in… was it called headspace? seemed like a nice idea. And also… 

He looked at Youngjo. The boy was fussing over Dongju, and Seoho decided now was not the time to ask all of the questions he had. He stored them for later and joined the older in his fussing, much to Dongju's dismay.

"Hyung." Youngjo turned around, spotting Seoho by the room door. "Can we talk?"

Youngjo didn't like that tone, but nodded. He made sure Dongju was asleep and headed out, Seoho trailing after him. They settled on the couch.

"So…?"

Seoho seemed to sense his worry.

"It's nothing bad, hyung! Actually the first thing I wanted to say is that I'm really looking forward to this whole thing with Ju. From what you said it really helps keep him happy and healthy, and work through stuff."

Youngjo smiled. Seoho was a pest and a tease, and he loved bothering the other boys, but deep down he actually cared a lot about all of them, and would do everything he could to make sure they were always happy.

"I'm glad. It really is good for him."

Seoho nodded, then bit on his lip.

"I wanted to ask, though… last time we talked about your little problem you said you couldn't tell me everything cause it had to do with Ju. Can you tell me now?"

Youngjo felt his cheeks reddening. He didn't want to talk about it. It had felt really good to talk to Seoho about this, to know he could count on the boy, but it was still really embarrassing. But… well, maybe Seoho could help?

"I, ok. The first time it happened… me and Woong were taking care of Ju, and he was super excited about the toy Giwook gave him." He noticed Seoho's raised eyebrow. "Long story, I'll tell you later. "Anyways, he was really hyper that day, and when he was finally drained, me and Woong were dead on our feet. We made a deal, Woong would help Ju bath while I rested a bit, then he would go lie down and I would take care of him for the rest of the evening. Ju fell asleep on the tub, so it was easy for me. I put him in his diaper and then lay down to nap with him. When I woke up… you know."

Seoho was listening attentively.

"Hum. But what triggered you there?"

Youngjo bit on his lip.

"I… it's just… Woong was so sweet when he was helping Ju bathe. He was very careful and loving, and then I put Ju in his diaper and he was asleep and he looked so… peaceful. So carefree. It… it looked nice. I guess it took me back to when I was a kid, and that messed with my brain and my body in a way."

Seoho raised an eyebrow.

"You want to regress, too, hyung?" asked Seoho.

What?

"What?" he voiced.

Seoho nodded.

"Yeah. To me it sounds like you would like to regress like Ju does, or maybe you're already kinda doing it? Think about the other times you had an accident. The one time with me, I was taking care of you. Was someone taking care of you on the other ones? Or maybe there was something making you feel like you were a kid again?"

Youngjo shook his head. He didn't know and he didn't want to think about this. He wasn't a little. He was Dongju's caregiver, for fuck's sake, his _first_ caregiver.

"Seoho, I'm Ju's caregiver."

Seoho frowned.

"So what? You guys told me someone can be a caregiver and a little at the same time."

Youngjo shook his head, but Seoho's words had already made a nest on his brain. 'Was someone taking care of you on the other ones? Or maybe something making you feel like you were a kid again?' And what scared him was that the answer was yes. All of the times he had had an accident… 

"I don't want to talk about this. This… this issue is just a temporary thing. Soon I'll figure out what's causing it and it won't ever happen again. Until then, just…"

His mind was a mess. He noticed Seoho opening his mouth, but the boy seemed to give up on what he was going to say. When he spoke up, his voice was soft.

"Please don't be upset, hyung. I just wanted to help. We don't have to talk about it," he said. "Instead, tell me about Ju. How should I take care of him?"

Youngjo started talking, glad to be distracted, but his mind was running a thousand miles an hour, and he knew no matter what this wouldn't end well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like this one? Hope you did! Your comments are always appreciated ^.^


	28. Chapter 28

After their little talk, Seoho said he wanted to learn more about being a caregiver before Dongju regressed around him. A valid point, so Dongju, Youngjo and Hwanwoong gave him the links to all of the little space and caregiver blogs they knew and let him be. Dongju figured, when he thought about this new development, that getting used to Seoho knowing about his headspace and later regressing around the older would be the biggest of his worries for a while. Oh boy, had he been wrong.

Ever since Seoho had found out, despite the whole wanting to learn more before seeing little Dongju thing, Dongju had been closer to the older. More clingy, more affectionate (in his own way, which was actually just more bites for Seoho). And maybe because of this sudden closeness with Seoho, Geonhak seemed to be making an effort to spend more time with Dongju. And Dongju appreciated that, despite the fact that he was always a mess when he was alone with Geonhak, so he also made an effort to spend more time with the older as well. Which was how he ended up in this predicament.

Dongju fixed his lipstick for the hundredth time. He checked his eyeliner, which was as perfect as it had been two seconds earlier, when he last checked, then took a look at the eyeshadow, before sighing and admitting to himself that he was stalling. The day before he had talked himself into taking another step with this whole makeup thing. Geonhak had told him he was starting a new series, and had asked Dongju if he wanted to watch it as well. Dongju had agreed, and maybe because Seoho had reacted so well to his other little secret a few days earlier, he had felt this would be the perfect opportunity to let someone else know about his interest in makeup.

The two things had no relation at all, to be honest, but… well, something about Seoho just accepting so easily something he was scared to share had made him more confident in himself. Dongju checked the lipstick again, then shook his head. Ok, maybe he had made a bad choice. Whatever freaky confidence boost he had gotten the day before had completely vanished, and… Dongju jumped as someone knocked on the door.

"Yah, Son Dongju. Are you coming?"

Dongju took a deep breath. It was too late to go back now. If he did, then he would have to ask Geonhak to wait even more, and then try to scrub everything off. It would be messy and his face would be all red, and Geonhak would ask, and… Yeah, there was no going back. Fighting against the urge to run to his bed and pretend to be dead, Dongju headed to the door and opened it. He didn't look up, couldn't look up.

"Let's go, hyung."

"Ju? Are you ok?"

Dongju hummed, feeling his eyes watering. Fuck. He couldn't do this. He was not ready, this was a mistake, he… 

"Hey, Ju, look at me. What happened?"

Dongju closed his hands into fists, wishing he had his Frozen blanket with him.

"I'm sorry," he managed to whisper.

He could practically feel Geonhak's worry and confusion, but when the older spoke his voice was firm.

"Dongju. Look at me." Dongju obeyed. He noticed the frown on Geonhak's face softening, and a small smile lit up the older's face. "That colour suits you."

Dongju didn't know if he was talking about the lipstick, the eyeshadow or his clothes. And he didn't care. Geonhak was looking at him with such a fond expression that it made his eyes water even more.

"I'm sorry," he repeated.

"Ju, why are apologizing?"

Dongju didn't know. For liking makeup? For being a baby about it? For crying?

"I, this, I don't know."

Geonhak hummed.

"Well, I think you don't need to apologize. Actually, you need to congratulate yourself. Because you were really brave showing me your makeup."

The little whine Dongju let out was completely involuntary.

"You don't hate it?"

Geonhak raised an eyebrow, looking offended.

"Hate it? Dongju, you look so pretty I could kiss you right now."

At that Dongju's eyes widened. And Geonhak's did too, proving to Dongju the older had _not_ meant to say that.

"W-what?"

Geonhak's cheeks were reddening.

"I-I mean, it's, uhn, I…"

"Guys, we're ordering dinner. Anything you want?"

Seoho's voice made them both jump. Dongju could feel his face burning, and Geonhak was still blushing, but now he was mumbling something and walking away, leaving behind a completely flustered and frustrated Dongju.

Geonhak hit his head on the wall five times before deciding it would get him nothing but a headache and a scolding from the makeup artists. Fuck. I could kiss you? Why the fuck had he said that? Oh god, the look on Dongju's face… Geonhak groaned, letting himself fall down on his bed. It wasn't a lie. Dongju was naturally pretty, but with the makeup he had put on he looked beyond that. He looked beautiful. Mesmerizing. And Geonhak most definitely would kiss him if he could. But of all the ways he had thought of to tell Dongju about his crush on him, that had never been on the list.

Geonhak groaned again. Fuck. Had he ruined everything? He noticed how anxious Dongju was about the whole makeup thing. It was clearly a big deal to the boy, even if Geonhak didn't understand why - they all pretty much knew Dongju was into makeup -, and Dongju was very obviously overwhelmed with the situation. And what had Geonhak done? Spilled out his thoughts and probably made Dongju even more nervous than he already was! Dongju needed reassurance and comfort, not a half assed confession to make him even more confused. With a sigh, Geonhak got up. Dongju had been really brave to show Geonhak his makeup, when he clearly didn't feel fully comfortable accepting that part of himself. Now it was Geonhak's turn to be brave.

He headed to Dongju's room. Getting Dongju's name out of his mouth was one of the hardest things he ever did, but he managed. He called the younger, and he didn't miss the way Dongju blushed when their eyes met. It didn't surprise him. He had never been sure, but deep down he knew Dongju's feelings for him went beyond friendship. He wasn't sure Dongju felt the same as he did, but he knew he had a chance.

"Hyung?"

Geonhak gestured for the younger to follow him, ignoring the way Seoho wiggled his eyebrows at him. He led Dongju to the living room, where it was quiet. Youngjo and Hwanwoong were doing… whatever it was they did together in Youngjo's room, and Keonhee was out with Harin, so they wouldn't be interrupted. Geonhak noticed how tense Dongju was.

"Hey. Relax, I just wanted to talk."

Hypocrite, telling Dongju to relax when he felt like a tight knot.

"Everything ok, hyung?" asked Dongju, cautiously, as they sat down on the couch.

Geonhak sighed, then offered the younger a small smile.

"Yeah, I just… think we should talk about yesterday." Dongju blushed and looked down. "I, first I wanted to say that, like, your makeup was, uhn, very pretty. You must have been really nervous to show me, and I… I want you to know that I think you look great in it, and that you shouldn't worry about other people. Do what you like and if others have a problem with it then they can go be bigots elsewhere, yeah?"

Not his most poetic moment, really, but Dongju had a small smile on his lips.

"You don't think it's weird?"

Geonhak considered giving a joking answer, but Dongju looked so vulnerable he decided against it.

"No. I think you look pretty with makeup on."

Dongju smiled, still looking down.

"Thank you, hyung."

Geonhak sighed in relief. Ok. One thing down. Now… 

"And, uhn… about the other thing." Dongju tensed. "Look, Ju. I could tell you it was a joke, or that it was just a way of speaking, but… but I'm tired of lying about this."

Dongju looked at him, eyes wide.

"Hyung, what…?"

"I like you. I've liked you for a while. And I was always too scared to say anything, but yesterday you came to show me your makeup, and it was so brave of you, and I… I thought I should be brave too. So. There it is. I like you."

Dongju was staring at him, at least ten different emotions swimming in his eyes. Geonhak couldn't read his expression even if he tried. Dongju opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again. Geonhak bit on his lip. Had he fucked up? He was sure Dongju felt something for him too, but maybe he had scared the boy with his confession? Had he…?

"Hyung, I… I'm sorry, but this would never work out."

Geonhak's heart broke.

"Oh."

Dongju seemed to be panicking.

"It's not, this, I can't… sorry."

And with that he got up and left. Geonhak watched as the boy ran out of the room, then closed his eyes and lay down on the sofa. Well. Fuck.

Dongju's first instinct was to run to Youngjo. Youngjo was the one he trusted the most, and the one who could calm him down when his emotions got the best of him. But lately the older seemed to be extra stressed, and Dongju knew right now the older was spending time with Hwanwoong, and he felt bad for coming in between them all the time. So he went to the only other option he had: Seoho. He wasn't surprised at the boy's wide eyes when he entered the room. He knew he made for a less than pretty picture, tears running down his cheeks and hands clenched into fists.

"Dongju?" He didn't say anything back. Instead he reached for the boy and as soon as Seoho was within reach he let himself fall, curling up against the older as he helped Dongju settle on the bed with him. "Ju, hey, breathe."

Dongju tried to obey, but his lungs weren't listening to him.

"H-hurts," he managed to say. His throat was stinging and he couldn't _breath_.

He felt more than saw Seoho standing up, and he felt even more panicked at the older's absence, but a second later Seoho was back and something was being put in Dongju's mouth, and… and… Dongju started sucking on the pacifier as soon as he understood what it was. Seoho's arms came around him, and a moment later Dongju was pressed up against the older's chest.

"Dongju…"

That wasn't Seoho's voice. Dongju curled up tighter against Seoho, hiding his face. He felt the older's chest lightly vibrate as Seoho spoke.

"Hak, you can talk later." Dongju heard the door to the room closing. He didn't look up from Seoho's chest. Seoho's hand came to rest on his hair, softly caressing it. "It's ok, Ju. Hyung is here with you, yeah? You're fine. Just breathe and relax, I'll be here with you."

Dongju obeyed. His mind was rushing with a million thoughts, but everything was jumbled and confusing. Geonhak's words were echoing in his ears. He had confessed to Dongju. But he didn't know. Didn't know Dongju was hiding many things, that Dongju was… was weird, complicated. If he knew about Dongju being demisexual would he still like him? If he knew Dongju wanted to be taken care of like a baby would he still want him? Dongju didn't think so. And then… Dongju looked up, at the closed door. His pacifier was still in his mouth.

"Fuck."

"Ju?"

"H-he saw! Hak hyung s-saw me with, hyung, he-"

Seoho shushed him.

"Your pacifier? Yes. But I don't think-"

"He's going to hate me!"

Dongju felt his throat closing up again, panic welling up in his chest once more. He tightened his grip on Seoho's shirt, and at the same time tried to get his legs to work so he could stand up and… and… and what? Go to Geonhak? He…

"Ju, listen to me. I need you to stay still and try to breathe."

And only when Seoho said that did Dongju notice how shallow his breath was. He took in a big gulp of air, which burned as it made its way down his throat.

"Seoho-"

"Don't. Breathe. We will talk later."

Dongju obeyed. He tried his best to slow his breathing, letting himself get lost in Seoho's scent. The older was warm against him, and Seoho's hand was once again running his hand through Dongju's hair. Dongju's eyes grew heavy. He was _exhausted_. He closed his eyes. And a moment later he was asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year, guys! I sincerely hope 2021 treats us better than 2020 did.
> 
> A bit of a shorter chapter today, but I promise I'll try to post a new one soon. Anyways, hope you liked it and comments are always v much appreciated.
> 
> Love you ^.^


	29. Chapter 29

Seoho sighed in relief when he noticed Dongju had fallen asleep. He was still breathless from what had just happened, and as he let his hand fall from the boy's head and noticed he was shaking. Closing his eyes and resting his head on top of Dongju's, he took a deep breath. Fuck. That had probably just aged him ten years.

In their group, Seoho didn't really take a caretaker role, - with or without regression - because he wasn't openly soft and loving like Youngjo and didn't nag the others like Hwanwoong. He was the playful one, who teased and joked around, the one the others went to when they wanted to have fun. Not comfort. But… well, deep down Seoho had always enjoyed being needed, taking care of others. He knew the only reason he wasn't considered the mom or dad in their group was that Youngjo and Hwanwoong were much more obvious about wanting to look after the others than he was. So when Dongju showed up in their room in tears Seoho immediately pushed everything aside to take care of the boy. Now, however, Dongju was sleeping, and Seoho could finally process the situation.

He had no idea what could have happened. Seoho knew Geonhak liked Dongju. And he knew Dongju liked Geonhak back. And they had been spending more time together lately, Seoho had noticed both of them going out of their way to hang out. So when Geonhak asked Dongju to talk, Seoho figured they would talk about it, finally, and that on the next day he would happily get to tease them about their newly formed relationship. He had _not_ been expecting to get a lapful of Dongju a few minutes later, or have the younger boy almost rip his shirt with how tightly he was holding onto Seoho as he cried.

Seoho sighed again, moving away from Dongju to look at the boy's face. The maknae was lying on his chest, hands still holding onto Seoho's shirt, but much more loosely now. His cheeks were marked with tears and he was quietly sucking on his pacifier, the traces of a frown still wrinkling his forehead. Seoho ran his fingers over his skin softly, smoothing the crease there. Dongju sighed in his sleep, hand loosening even more as he snuggled against Seoho.

"Sleep well, Juji. We'll talk tomorrow."

He kissed Dongju's forehead, then carefully lay down with Dongju still on top of him. Slowly, he drifted off to sleep.

They ended up not talking on the next day, because just a bit after falling asleep Seoho was woken up by Dongju trying to wiggle out of his arms. He blinked, trying to properly wake up, then tightened his hold on the younger, making Dongju stop moving.

"Ju, why are you awake?" Dongju didn't reply, still unmoving on Seoho's arms. Seoho sighed and sat up. "Ok. I guess we can talk today."

He got up and pulled Dongju along. The younger boy didn't resist, but he also didn't look up at Seoho. Trying to get his brain to properly function after being woken up so suddenly, Seoho pulled the boy out of the room. And then he almost ran over Youngjo. He stopped, blinking at the older.

"Oh. I thought he had fallen asleep," said the older.

Seoho blinked, still a bit slow.

"He did. But he woke up. Do you…?"

"I talked to Geonhak." Seoho nodded. "And I guess now it's time to talk to Ju."

Relieved that he wasn't going to have to deal with this crisis on his own, Seoho smiled.

"Good. We need to solve this."

The three of them headed to the couch, and Seoho was surprised when Dongju snuggled against him.

"Ok, so, what happened?" asked Youngjo.

He was met with silence as Dongju didn't answer his question. Seoho sighed and spoke up.

"All I know is Hak asked to talk with Ju and then Ju was crying and clinging to me," he said.

Dongju whined, "I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry, Ju, you can come to hyung whenever you need or want."

Dongju hummed, but he smiled the tiniest bit.

"Ju. Hak told me what happened. Want to tell me your side of it?"

Dongju sighed.

"I just… there's so much he doesn't know, hyung, and I don't know how to tell him."

Youngjo frowned.

"What exactly are you talking about, Ju?"

Dongju glanced at Seoho, and the older figured there were things Dongju was still hiding from him.

"The age regression. The thing with… with makeup and other stuff. The whole…" he waved his hands around. The next words came out as a whisper, "...being demisexual thing."

Seoho felt an eyebrow raising. He had always wondered why was it that Dongju never participated in their talks about sex. Was this the reason?

"I'm guessing that last one is the biggest reason," said Youngjo.

"He will think I'm weird, and then he won't like me," replied Dongju. "He thinks he likes me because he doesn't know."

Seoho frowned.

"Ju, Hak likes you for who you are. Your regression… you already act like a little kid on a daily basis and he doesn't mind. Plus, we all know you like makeup, and none of us mind. We think you look great in it, and would look great in whatever you chose to wear as well. And being demisexual… why would he stop liking you because of that?"

Dongju turned watery eyes to Seoho, pouting. 

"I don't know," he mumbled.

Seoho chuckled. "He wouldn't, Ju. He will still like you, no matter what."

"And," added Youngjo, "you need to give him a chance to choose, don't you think? You're stopping both of you from being in a relationship, but only you know the reason. Does that seem fair?"

"I guess not…" said Dongju, pouting.

"Then I think you should talk to him," said Youngjo. "But tomorrow. Today we need to go to bed, because it's late."

Dongju whined and turned to hide his face on Seoho's chest. Seoho giggled.

"You wanna stay with me?" Dongju nodded. "Ok, baby. Let's get you to bed."

He got up with Youngjo's help, Dongju attached to him like a baby koala. Once he got to his bed he gently put Dongju's pacifier back in the boy's mouth and pressed a kiss to Dongju's forehead, before closing his eyes and falling asleep. Hopefully until the next morning.

"Dongju?"

The maknae bit on his lip, and it took all he had to look Geonhak in the eyes.

"Can we talk, hyung?"

Geonhak seemed shocked, but he nodded, moving away from the door to let Dongju into Youngjo's room, which apparently he had borrowed for the night.

"What… did you want to talk about?"

Dongju took a deep breath.

"I… what I did yesterday wasn't very nice," he managed to say.

He noticed Geonhak's hurt expression, but the older quickly masked it, smiling at him.

"Ju. I like you, you don't like me back. There wasn't much you could have done."

Dongju sighed.

"But that's not true. That I… don't like you back. It's not true."

Geonhak seemed shocked to hear that, but not really surprised.

"It'’ not… then why did you…?"

Dongju pulled on his bottom lip, wishing he had his pacifier with him and could use it.

"Because there are things about me that you don't know, hyung. And if you did… I'm not sure you would still like me if you did. But Youngjo hyung said I can't make that choice for you, so."

"Ju. There's not much that would make me stop liking you, you know?"

Dongju frowned. "Don't say that. Not… not before you know."

Geonhak nodded. "Well?"

Gathering all of his courage, Dongju spoke up.

"First is the makeup thing. I know you said you didn't mind, and that I looked pretty, but it goes further than that. It's not just makeup. I doubt I'll be exploring that anytime soon, but one day… one day I hope I'll be confident enough to look into skirts, dresses. All of that."

Geonhak nodded. "And just like the makeup, I think you would look great, and I think no one's opinion counts, besides yours."

Dongju smiled at that. But that was the easiest one.

"The other thing is something I only found out recently. I've always been confused about… sex and that kind of stuff. When my friends started talking about it when we were younger I didn't get what they meant, I never found anyone sexually attractive." Dongju's face was burning, but he had talked to Youngjo about this a few times already, so it was easier to express himself now. "Recently, Youngjo hyung helped figure a few things out. Apparently there's this thing called demisexuality, it's when you only feel sexual attraction to people after you've created an emotional bond with them. I'm… I'm like that."

Dongju hoped one day he could proudly say 'I'm demisexual', but he wasn't quite there yet. Geonhak's expression was soft.

"I'm sorry you had to go so long being confused about this, Ju. And I hope you know I don't mind that. It makes no difference at all what your sexuality is. It doesn't change or define who you are."

Dongju felt like hugging the older, but there was still one more thing to go. He had left this one last because it would take more time to explain. He gripped his backpack tight.

"The last thing… is… really weird." Geonhak eyed him. Dongju forced himself to offer the boy his backpack. "Open it. I'll explain as you take a look at it."

Geonhak seemed confused, but obeyed. He opened the backpack and started looking at the contents of it, taking things out. As he did that. Dongju explained to him about age regression; he had chosen to do it like that so that he wouldn't have to explain everything with Geonhak's eyes fixed on him.

As he finished, Geonhak was analysing Dongju's yellow pacifier, one of his least favorite ones. When he noticed Dongju had stopped talking he looked up.

"That's… a lot to take in. So you sometimes act like a kid?"

Dongju chewed on his lip.

"It's not quite acting. But kind of, yes."

"And the boys take care of you."

"Woong hyung and Youngjo hyung do. Seoho hyung will, but we haven't tried yet."

Geonhak hummed. "Ok."

"Ok?" asked Dongju. Geonhak smiled at him.

"Ok, Ju. Ok as in I think this is really cute, and no, it doesn't make me like you any less. As in I don't mind the makeup, what you label yourself as and this age regression thing, and actually I want to know more about it. Because I like you, Ju, just like you are, without giving or taking anything."

Dongju groaned.

"Ew, hyung, that was so cheesy!"

Geonhak laughed.

"Your fault. You're the only one who makes me act like this."

Dongju giggled.

"Stop, hyung."

"Nope. I'm your boyfriend, I can say this kind of stuff."

"Who said you're my boyfriend?" Geonhak pouted and Dongju giggled. "Ok, hyung. I'll be your boyfriend."

Geonhak smiled. "So can I get a kiss?"

Dongju bit on his lip, insecurity coming back instantly.

"Just so you know, I've never…"

"Kissed anyone?" prompted Geonhak.

Dongju blushed. "I've kissed before. But like, just a little peck. So."

Geonhak smiled and put his hand on Dongju's cheek.

"It's ok. We'll take it slow. And I can teach you."

Dongju's face was burning with embarrassment, but his heart was warm.

"You can kiss me, then."

Geonhak didn't have to be told twice.

("Do you really want to know more about regression?" asked Dongju, playing with Geonhak's fingers.

Later they would have to go out and face the others, but for now they were just enjoying each other's company.

"Hmm. It sounds cute. Maybe I can even become your caregiver one day. With the others."

Dongju smiled. "Yeah. Maybe.")

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if this chapter makes sense cause I wrote it and then never looked at it again, but I hope it does and I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> As usual comments and kudos are appreciated. Love you!


	30. Chapter 30

"Dongju I will give you five seconds. If you're not here in five seconds then it's corner time."

It worked, probably the only thing that had worked since morning, and before Youngjo got to three Dongju was already in the kitchen. He was pouting, holding his plush dinosaur tightly and looking down.

"'yung angy?" he asked, softly.

Youngjo sighed. Keonhee and Hwanwoong had left in the morning to do some shopping, and not long after Dongju had walked into Youngjo's room with a pout and let himself fall on Youngjo's bed, whining. Youngjo had quickly caught on, asking the boy if he felt like regressing. He got a positive reply, which made him happy. It would be a great opportunity for both Seoho and Geonhak to finally meet little Dongju.

But of course things weren't so easy. Maybe Youngjo should have guessed - by the grumpy expression on Dongju's face when he first threw himself on Youngjo's bed - that Dongju wasn't having a great day. That something was bothering him and his grumpiness would carry on to his regressed state. But he didn't. So he wasn't prepared to struggle with literally every step of taking care of Dongju.

The first thing that went wrong was helping Dongju change. First the boy didn't want to take off his clothes, then he started crying when Youngjo said he would leave him as he was. He finally settled when Youngjo offered one of Geonhak's big shirts, and let the older help him change into that and sweatpants. Then Youngjo had offered Dongju his pacifier which led to another complete meltdown, and it took Youngjo a long time to figure out Dongju was upset because he didn't want the yellow pacifier, he wanted the Snow White one. When Dongju finally calmed down again, face red from crying and eyes swollen, Youngjo was at a loss at what to do. Taking a deep breath he picked the boy up, sighing in relief when Dongju didn't complain, and took him to the kitchen.

For a while after that things weren't so bad. Dongju was a bit less enthusiastic than he usually was in headspace, but he greeted Seoho and Geonhak softly, hiding against Youngjo when the two of them stared at him for too long. The other two had big smiles on their faces, and Youngjo was glad they seemed to be very fond of little Dongju already. The peace didn't last long, though. Seoho served them breakfast and Youngjo tried to feed Dongju, and fifteen minutes later all he had was a mess in the kitchen, a crying boy on his lap and Seoho and Geonhak's worried faces. Great.

Putting Dongju down, Youngjo asked Seoho to take the boy to the living room so he could clean before having a conversation with Dongju. But Dongju refused to take Seoho's hand, and when Seoho insisted Dongju screamed that he wouldn't and knocked down the water bottle that had been on the table before running out of the kitchen. Youngjo could put up with a lot, but he wouldn't accept that kind behaviour. And that's where they were now. Dongju looking at Youngjo with teary eyes, probably expecting a serious scolding. Youngjo sighed and sat down.

"Hyung is not angry, Ju. Just upset. You're always such a good boy, but today you made a mess and you made Seoho hyung sad. That's not like you, baby. Can you explain to hyung what's wrong?"

Youngjo knew Seoho and Geonhak were watching him, but he chose to focus on Dongju. He was worried this would push them away, that they wouldn't want to take care of Dongju after witnessing this mess, but now was not the time to worry about that. Dongju's lower lip started to tremble. Oh god.

"'m upset," he said.

"Oh, baby, what made you upset?"

Dongju shook his head. "Dun' know."

Youngjo could feel the frustration emanating from the boy, and he figured Dongju must really be feeling bad, and not knowing how to explain why was probably making him even more upset.

"Hey, it's ok not to know, Ju. Did something happen that made you sad?" Dongju shook his head. "When did you start feeling like this?"

"Woke up bad."

Youngjo frowned. He didn't remember anything that had happened recently that could have made Dongju this upset. He looked the younger over. And then he noticed the boy's red cheeks and watery eyes. He had figured it was because he had been crying, but maybe… 

"Oh, Ju. Are you feeling sick, baby? Does your tummy or your head hurt?"

Dongju whined. "Tummy."

Youngjo sighed in relief. So Dongju was sick. That explained the tantrums and behaviour.

"You didn't notice, right baby?" Dongju shook his head. "Look, why don't you go cuddle on the couch with Seoho hyung and Hak hyung while I make you something that won't hurt your tummy?"

Dongju sniffled and glanced at Seoho and Geonhak. To Youngjo's relief they both offered soft smiles. Seoho extended his hand. Dongju took it and Youngjo finally let himself relax. Ok. Crisis averted. Probably.

Seoho settled on the sofa carefully. Dongju was holding his hand and trailing after him calmly, but Seoho was scared any kind of fast movement would set the boy off again. But Dongju seemed to have really settled down. Seoho figured the thing that had been upsetting him the most was not being able to understand and explain to them what he was feeling. Now that he had understood he seemed to just be… sick. That was the word. He looked sick, eyes watery and cheeks red, and it crossed Seoho's mind that they should check his temperature.

"Ju, can hyung feel your forehead?" he asked, once Dongju had settled down on the couch, cuddling up to Geonhak.

"Hmm," replied the boy.

Seoho pushed Dongju's bangs back, and he didn't even have to touch his own forehead to know Dongju had a fever. The boy felt way too hot.

"Hak, do you know where our thermometer is?"

"Probably under the sink in the bathroom."

Seoho stood up, heart warming a bit when Dongju whined and reached for him.

"I'll be back in a second, Ju, you won't even notice I left."

When he got back, thermometer in hand, Dongju pouted at him.

"Not'ced."

Seoho chuckled. Dongju was cute. "Sorry, Ju. Here, let hyung check your temperature."

Seoho tried his best not to show his worry as the thermometer beeped, a 39.6°C flashing in red on the tiny screen.

"Hey, I brought food."

"Uhn, hyung, maybe we should…" he showed Youngjo the thermometer. Youngjo's eyes widened. "We have pills, right?"

Youngjo pressed his lips into a thin line.

"He won't swallow pills."

"I can go buy something for him," offered Geonhak, but when he tried to get up Dongju whined and tightened his hold on him.

"I'll go," said Seoho, but Dongju cried at that too.

"No go," he whined, and Seoho noticed he was shivering.

"Ju, baby, one of us has to go. I'll go, and I'll be back really quickly, ok?"

Dongju shook his head.

"No go."

Seoho could see Youngjo trying hard to stay calm.

"Ju-"

"No! No leave, Ju no like alone."

"Baby, you won't be alone, Seoho hyung and Hak-"

Dongju started crying. Seoho looked at the other two, but they seemed to be at a loss as much as he was. And then something came to his mind.

"Hyung. You told me Giwook knows about Ju, right?"

"Thank you so much, Wook. I know you were busy, I'm sorry."

Geonhak watched from his spot on the couch as Giwook smiled.

"It's ok, hyung, Ju is more important than practice. Way more important."

"I mean, I won't argue with that. Now go before he sees you, I don't think he would let you leave either."

Geonhak heard Giwook's soft laughter, but didn't hear the rest of the conversation and Seoho turned the TV volume up. Smart. A moment later Youngjo was next to them, a spoon with a white substance in it. It didn't look appealing, but the smell wasn't all that bad.

"Ju, open your mouth."

Dongju eyed the spoon and frowned. "Yucky."

"This is actually really tasty, Ju! Hyung tasted it before, it's sweet like candy."

Dongju looked at the medicine again, seeming suspicious. "'yung t'ied?"

"Yup. Here, open your mouth. If it's bad, hyung will give you your food right after to wash the taste away."

Dongju hesitated, but ended up opening his mouth. Geonhak sighed in relief. Dongju grimaced as Youngjo pulled the spoon out of his mouth, now empty. He swallowed, then scrunched up his nose.

"Wei'd."

Youngjo chuckled. "But it's not yucky, is it?"

"Not yucky." Geonhak had to bite on his lip to keep himself from laughing, because Dongju was adorable. "Sleep?"

Youngjo smiled. "Sure, you can take a nap, Ju. You'll be better when you wake up, then you can eat."

"F'ozen?"

Geonhak frowned. He wanted to watch Frozen? Why was Youngjo leaving? And then Youngjo came back with a baby blue blanket with a drawing of Elsa, Anna and Olaf on it. Geonhak laughed.

"Ju, do you know how adorable you are?"

Dongju tilted his head at him. "'doable?"

Geonhak didn't answer, just squished the boy's cheeks and kissed the tip of his nose. Dongju giggled, then pulled himself closer to Geonhak and closed his eyes. Youngjo put the blanket over Dongju and the boy was quick to pull it closer to his face, rubbing it against his cheek. Geonhak blinked as Seoho shoved a pacifier on his face, then took it and put it on Dongju's mouth, and just like that the boy was out.

"Well, that was… something."

All three of them burst out laughing at Seoho's words, probably from sheer relief. Dongju had fallen asleep not long ago and Youngjo had taken him to his room so he could sleep on a proper bed. Now the three of them were together in the living room, catching their breath.

"I promise it's not always like that, this is literally the worst breakdown he's ever had."

Geonhak chuckled. Youngjo was smiling, but the hint of nervousness under his voice was clear as day.

"Hyung, we're not gonna run away screaming just because today was a bit rough. Ju is sick, of course he's gonna be grumpy. Especially since he doesn't seem to know how to explain what he's feeling when he's in headspace."

"Hak is right, hyung," said Seoho. "I mean, I don't know about him, but when I said I wanted to take care of Ju I meant actually take care, not just play and enjoy the nice moments. I've been reading a lot about this, I knew there would be difficult moments. It just so happened that my first time meeting him was a difficult moment."

Youngjo chuckled, and Geonhak nodded.

"I didn't read as much as Seoho probably did, but come on, Dongju has tantrums with or without his headspace, hyung. I don't think either of us was surprised about this."

Youngjo smiled again, and this time it was lighter.

"Well, I'm glad. It would have broken Ju's heart if you gave up on wanting to take care of him because of this."

"We wouldn't. But can we eat now? I haven't had breakfast yet."

Geonhak laughed at Seoho's whiny voice, but his grumbling stomach surely agreed with the older.

"We can. Come on, before Ju wakes up."

Seoho was watching TV on his own when he heard soft steps approaching. He looked up and spotted Dongju making his way to where he was, clinging to his Frozen blanket and Doongdoongie, pacifier in his mouth and blinking his eyes sleepily. An adorable sight, Seoho felt like he was about to melt.

"Hey, Ju, you're up. Feeling better?"

Dongju hummed, climbing on the couch and curling up against Seoho.

"Hung'y," he said.

"I'll ask Youngjo hyung to bring you your food, ok?" Dongju nodded, closing his eyes. Seoho sent Youngjo a message and then started running his hand over Dongju's head. He felt the boy's forehead. The fever seemed to be gone. "Does your tummy still hurt, Ju?"

"Lil' bit."

"Once you eat it'll probably feel better, but remember to eat slowly, ok?"

Again, Dongju just nodded. Youngjo stepped out of his room and smiled at Seoho, then headed to the kitchen and came back a moment later, carrying a bowl. Seoho eyed the contents. It was just kimbap, and the filling seemed to be mostly vegetables.

"Ju, your food is here," said Youngjo. Dongju opened his eyes and Seoho helped him sit up. "Want Seoho hyung to feed you?"

Seoho smiled proudly as Dongju nodded and opened his mouth.

He fed the boy slowly and let the boy drink from his sippy cup in between bites, until there was nothing left and Dongju looked a bit more alert.

"Pororo?" he asked, eyes shining with hope.

"You wanna watch Pororo?" asked Seoho. Dongju nodded. "Ok, let me find it here."

Once Pororo was playing Dongju smiled, and Seoho resisted the urge to pinch his cheeks. The boy still looked a bit sick, and Seoho figured Dongju had actually been sick for a while now. They would have to talk to him about that, later. But for now Dongju was happily humming the intro song to Pororo, hugging Doongdoongie and holding Seoho's hand, so Seoho let himself relax and get lost in the childish TV show. He could worry later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, you guys know how this goes: this has not been proofread, I just wrote it and now I'm posting, so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes sgkdjfc
> 
> Also, I'll try to post the next chapter soon, so you guys don't have to wait long again T.T
> 
> And as usual comments are v much appreciated, and I hope everyone has a great day! ^.^


	31. Chapter 31

After Geonhak found out the only one in their group who didn't know was Keonhee. Dongju didn't really feel the need to hide it anymore, he already had four hyungs who accepted him, and who would fight whoever dared say anything bad about Dongju's regression. Plus, he doubted Keonhee would have anything against this. So the only reason he didn't tell Keonhee was that it never really came up. Or that's what he told himself.

Deep down, Dongju still feared Keonhee's rejection. Even if he didn't think the older would say anything bad, even if the others would scream at him until his ears fell off if he did say anything. Dongju just didn't think he could take the boy looking at him like he was weird, a freak. Not Keonhee. Not any of the boys in the group. So he just… didn't say anything. He told the others he didn't really mind if Keonhee found out, and tried to hide how much he went out of his way to avoid acting little when there was a chance Keonhee might see. And then they travelled to the US to go on tour.

Usually not having time to regress wasn't too much of a problem for Dongju, especially since Keonhee was the only one who didn't know about his regression. Because he had always had such a childish personality he could get away with half slipping at any time he wanted, and no one found it weird. So what if Dongju was cuddling a blanket or biting on things? He always did that. So when they had busy schedules and he had to go a long time without regressing, Dongju just let himself slip a little bit at times and he was fine.

This time, however, was different. They were in a different country, and Youngjo was stressed out of his mind - Dongju had no idea why - so Dongju didn't want to bother him even more. Seoho wasn't with them, and Hwanwoong was always around Youngjo, trying to help him in any way he could, and that left Dongju with Geonhak. Which wasn't a bad thing, but Dongju felt bad for wanting to regress in the little free time they had, when surely Geonhak would much rather spend time with big Dongju. So it was becoming a bit of a problem.

Dongju tried to ignore the signs. The way even the littlest things started bothering him way too much, the way he found himself pouting and stomping his feet when he was angry more often. The way he always made a mess when he ate, lately, or how he had taken to sucking on his thumb to help himself fall asleep and carrying a stuffed toy around everywhere he went. He knew he should talk to one of the others about it, but the dark circles under Youngjo's eyes told him he wasn't the only one with a problem, and if Youngjo was having a hard time surely the others were too. So he didn't say anything. He sometimes let himself slip, just the tiniest bit. He would allow himself to cuddle with Doongdoongie, to chew on the hem of his hoodie and wrap himself up on his blue blanket. Nothing unusual, really, those were all things Dongju had always done. The problem was that he didn't stop to think he would be more sensitive to teasing.

Dongju was lying on the floor, hugging Doongdoongie, when Keonhee approached him, smiling. "Is our baby taking a nap?"

Dongju frowned, but ignored the remark. He knew it wasn't supposed to be mean or anything like that, just playful teasing.

"Lemme sleep," he whined. 

Keonhee chuckled, but left, probably to bother someone else. Dongju sighed in relief and buried his face on his stuffed toy, wishing he would have time to regress soon.

A while later, Keonhee came back when Dongju was trying - and failing - to eat. He took one look at the mess Dongju had made on the table and raised an eyebrow.

"Yah, Ju. This way we're gonna have to get you a bib. Do you need hyung to feed you?"

Again, it was just harmless teasing, and honestly a valid comment considering the disaster on the table. But Dongju was _tired_ and he did want someone to feed him, but didn't want to ask anyone to do it.

He glared. "Hyung, go bother someone else."

The comment earned him a raised eyebrow, but nothing more than that. For the rest of the day Keonhee didn't bother him.

But of course his peace didn't last long. Dongju knew he was acting more and more like a kid each day, and he really couldn't blame Keonhee for all the teasing. He _didn't know_ , had no idea that Dongju was actually struggling and that his teasing wasn't helping. So there was nothing Dongju could do, other than just let it happen. Until one day, way into their tour, when Dongju was at his breaking point. He had woken up feeling like shit and he knew just his old blue blanket and Doongdoongie wouldn't be enough for the day.

When Dongju, with Doongdoongie in his arms, took out his Frozen blanket from his backpack and wrapped himself in it, he noticed Youngjo and Hwanwoong eyeing him, before exchanging a look. The younger opened his mouth to say something, but Keonhee walked into the room talking about how he was hungry, and something in Dongju's eyes must have told the other two he didn't want to discuss this right now.

He watched as Keonhee let himself fall on a nearby chair, going on about how the breakfast at the hotel was great, but he hadn't had time to eat properly, and silently hoped the older would be too involved in his story to notice him. The door opened. Geonhak walked in and his eyes immediately found Dongju.

"Ju?"

Keonhee naturally looked towards the new voice, stopping his story, then turned to look at Dongju. The smile that spread on his face made Dongju's stomach churn.

“Awn, Ju! You have a Frozen blankie?”

And it was such a simple statement. Keonhee didn't even say anything about it, he just said what he saw. But Dongju had been putting up with his teasing for so long, and he was so tired that everything felt like an accusation. So when Keonhee walked up to him and grabbed a corner of the blanket to look at it up close, Dongju’s immediate reaction was to scream and throw his stuffed toy at the older. There was silence for a moment, everyone completely shocked at the scene, and then Dongju burst out crying.

Keonhee looked around the room in panic. He had no idea what he had done wrong, but he was fairly sure he was to blame for this sudden breakdown. Dongju was crying his heart out, face hidden in his blanket, and Keonhee had no idea what to do. But the others did, apparently. Youngjo was the first one to rush to Dongju, grabbing the boy's stuffed toy on the way and sitting behind the maknae, pulling him to sit on his lap. Dongju let the older move him, clinging to Youngjo and squishing his stuffed bear between the two of them.

Keonhee blinked as Hwanwoong appeared next to him, and then blinked again as the boy handed Youngjo a pacifier. "Is that-"

"Hey, we'll explain later, ok?" said Hwanwoong, and at least he didn't seem like he was angry with Keonhee.

"Ju, hey. Look what hyung found for you."

Keonhee watched, amazed, as Dongju looked up, still crying, only to let Youngjo put the pacifier in his mouth. The boy immediately started sucking on it, cries dying down, until he was lying on Youngjo's shoulder, eyes closed. Youngjo pulled the boy's Frozen blanket up to cover Dongju, then looked at Keonhee.

"Hey. Don't worry, it's not your fault." Keonhee was pretty sure it _was_ his fault, but he appreciated Youngjo trying to calm him down.

"Ok, uhn, what did I miss?"

He noticed Youngjo and Hwanwoong exchanging a look, then glancing at Geonhak. So all of them knew about this? Well, that hurt a bit. Surprisingly, the one who replied was Dongju.

"Age reg'ession."

The pacifier in his mouth and the fact that he had spoken so softly made it hard to understand.

"Age what?" asked Keonhee.

"You're not regressed, Ju?" asked Youngjo, drowning out Keonhee's question.

"No," said the youngest. "Age regression, hyung."

This time Keonhee understood the words, but they still made no sense.

"Which means?"

Dongju looked at Youngjo, who nodded. "Well, in Ju's case it means he has a hard time taking care of himself when he's stressed, and having someone take care of him and look after him helps him feel less stressed. He mentally regresses to a younger age, and when he's like this he likes things little kids would, like toys, kids' TV shows and all that. And he needs help with basic stuff, like getting dressed, eating, this kind of stuff."

Keonhee tried to process everything. Honestly, it wasn't hard to believe or to see that happening. His mind flashed back to a few days earlier, when he had gotten to their dressing room to find out Dongju had made a mess eating his lunch. He had asked Dongju if he needed someone to feed him, back them. Now he understood the angry response he had gotten.

"So he… acts like a little kid? When he's stressed? But what if he's, like, in the middle of a meeting and starts feeling like that?"

Youngjo chuckled. "This isn't something that's out of his control. Ju is nineteen, he can take care of himself. It's just that if he gets these little breaks of someone else taking care of him he doesn't get worn down and stress doesn't eat away at his energy. Does that make sense?"

It did, in a way. Keonhee didn't quite understand this thing they were talking about, he couldn't see himself acting like a little kid and that helping him feel less stressed. But he knew everyone dealt with stress differently, and if this was Dongju's way of relaxing then that was fine. It wasn't hard to picture, honestly, Dongju had always been really childish. Keonhee remembered one time Dongju got hurt during the filming of We Shall Debut, and instead of telling their manager or anyone else he had gone to Dongmyeong. And then Dongmyeong had been the one to talk to the staff and ask if Dongju could change groups, and also the one who had asked one of the other boys to switch with Dongju. So it wasn't difficult to picture.

"Did… all of you know about this?" and that was what was upsetting him.

Did all the boys know? Clearly Youngjo, Hwanwoong and Geonhak did. What about Seoho? Didn't Dongju trust him? What had he done that Dongju felt like he needed to keep this a secret from him, but not from the others.

"Hyung," came Dongju's voice. "I'm sorry I din' tell you. Was scared."

Keonhee noticed the boy's words were getting slurred, but Dongju was looking at him with intent, as if he needed Keonhee to understand what he was saying, to believe him.

"Scared of what, Ju? You know I love you, right? Did you really think I wouldn't accept you because of this?"

Dongju shrugged. "Was scared," he repeated.

Keonhee noticed there was a lot more Dongju wanted to say behind that sentence, but at the moment it seemed to be hard for the boy to put his thoughts into words. He sighed.

"You don't need to be, ok? But we can talk about that later. We have to head out in a few minutes."

All of the boys sighed, but Keonhee noticed the lines on Dongju's forehead easing and his tense shoulders relaxing a bit. The boy snuggled against Youngjo. Keonhee smiled to himself. Yeah. He could see Dongju feeling better like this.

"Stop blaming yourself."

Youngjo sighed, looking at Hwanwoong. "If I wasn't so focused on-"

"Hyung, I mean it. It wasn't your fault. Well, maybe it was, but it was also my fault, Hak's fault, and Ju's fault. We're all to blame. We should have noticed and done something to help, and Ju should have come to us when he felt it was getting too bad. Plus, he said he was ok with Keonhee finding out, when he wasn't. He should have told us that, too."

Youngjo looked at his boyfriend, then shrugged. "Maybe. But if I hadn't been too busy with…"

He gestured vaguely, knowing Hwanwoong would know what he meant. Hwanwoong finding out about Youngjo's current bedwetting problem had been a complete accident, and honestly very embarrassing. Much like it had happened with Seoho, Youngjo had let himself get too comfortable when he shouldn't and ended up falling asleep on Hwanwoong's bed, with the younger softly running a hand through his hair a humming under his breath. The result, obviously, was the two of them having to clean Hwanwoong's bed in the middle of the night and then move to Youngjo's bed to try and figure out what to do. They weren't home, after all, and the bed that was now sheetless was a hotel bed, not their own.

But Hwanwoong had been kind and sweet, he hadn't made Youngjo feel bad for it. Again, much like Seoho he had tried his best to comfort Youngjo and understand why this was happening now if it didn't use to happen before.

"Hyung. Look, I know you like taking care of Ju, and I know it helps you relax and calm down when you're too anxious. But you can't put his needs above yours. You're also dealing with something, and if you need to step back and take some time to focus on yourself that's fine. Ju will understand."

Youngjo knew Hwanwoong was right. He just felt guilty for leaving Dongju to deal with his stress on his own when they were in a different country, when he knew the boy was still struggling to accept himself. And all because he still hadn't solved this stupid bedwetting problem, which he shouldn't even have to deal with at twenty four. But still. Hwanwoong was right.

"I know. You're right."

Hwanwoong smiled.

"I always am." His intention was clearly to make Youngjo laugh, and it worked. "Look, it wasn't ideal, but at least now Keonhee knows and Ju can finally let himself regress without stressing about it all the time. And about your problem, don't worry about it, hyung. You already have a doctor appointment when we go back, right? We'll get over this, and even if it's a permanent issue there's nothing wrong with that. Ok?"

Youngjo didn't like the sound of that, but he nodded. At least he knew his boyfriend wouldn't run away screaming if they found out this little problem couldn't be fixed.

"I love you," he said.

"Ew, cheesy." Youngjo rolled his eyes. Hwanwoong gave him a little kiss. "I love you too."

"Ju?"

Dongju sat up and sighed. He knew what Keonhee wanted. He moved to make space for the boy next to him.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, hyung."

"Does Seoho hyung know, too?" Dongju nodded. "Why didn't I?"

"The others finding out was an accident. I wake up one day and decide to tell them."

Keonhee sighed. "But still. Once they knew wouldn't it make sense to just tell me?"

"I told you, hyung. I was scared. I know… I know you're not the type to judge, but it's still really scary to come out about something like that."

Keonhee looked at him for a moment, then nodded. "I can imagine. It's ok, Ju. I'm not upset. I just wish you told me earlier. The boys said part of why you broke down today is that you haven't… regressed? Is that the word? You haven't regressed in a while. And I know I'm part of the reason why."

"I wanted to tell you. I was going to. I was just… trying to find the courage to."

Keonhee smiled. "Well. Now I know. When do I get to see baby Dongju? I bet he's way cuter than you."

Dongju chuckled. "Hyung, it'll still be me."

"Yeah, but without the attitude."

"I don't have an attitude. And I wouldn't count on that if I were you."

Dongju laughed as Keonhee's eyes widened. "Don't tell me you're a brat."

"You'll have to wait and see, hyung." Keonhee groaned and let himself fall on the bed. Dongju giggled. "Get out of my bed, hyung, you haven't showered."

Keonhee chuckled and sat up. Then he ruffled Dongju's hair. "Even if you're a brat I'll still love you."

"Ew, hyung, get out!"

Keonhee laughed and got up, sending him a flying kiss as he left. Dongju smiled. Keonhee hadn't even questioned anything, he had accepted Dongju without even blinking. Dongju had never felt so safe and loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm what did you think of this chapter? Finally all of the boys know! Well... all of the Oneus boys.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you guys liked this chapter ^.^ I'm just glad I kept my promise this time and didn't take a month to update this fic again jshrgkfd

**Author's Note:**

> SPECIAL THANKS TO: littlebutterflyexplores42 (https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlebutterflyexplores42) for helping me through the mess that was/is the process of writing this story (every chapter probably has something she commented/helped think of)


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